Are We Bad People?

[Pythonpappy]

I was attending a meeting the other night and a newcomer raised his hand and asked what he could do to relieve the shame he felt. He shared that he hadn't been sober very long, and that the list of wreckage he had created was overwhelming. He was just becoming conscious of the damage he had caused and the feelings of remorse he felt were intense. He couldn't believe the things he had done, and his family wasn't letting him forget it either. How could he have been so bad, he asked?

And that's when someone shared this quote. They reminded him - and everyone at the meeting - that alcoholism is a disease, not a moral failing. He said that when we are drinking and using (in our disease), the things we do almost always lead to sorrow and remorse, and that it is because we are sick, not necessarily bad people. Once we treat the disease, the behavior almost always gets better, and so do we. He ended by advising this person not to focus on his old behavior, but rather, on the process of recovery.

This advice is right on, though it took me many years to see the wisdom in it. I was so used to identifying with my behaviors, I rarely looked at the underlying motivation - a sickness called alcoholism. But one I focused on my recovery, I did start to get better, my behavior changed and my wreckage cleared up as well. I "grew a consciousness" so to speak, and today I act differently.


Today I know that we're not bad people getting good, we're sick people getting better.


(Wisdom of the Rooms)

[janbear]

thanks for posting this. I appreciate it

[Mountainman]

actually a while back
my getting older father was losing his mind a little
seemed that while visiting him
most all he could talk about
was
all the bad things that I had done in life

we need to suck it up and deal with this

that is right
we made plenty of mistakes
but
today we are sober and living a moral life (best we can)

when dad was throwing up all that
in my mind
I felt like giving him a taste of some the things he had done wrong
but
I did not

a slight improvement for me

MM

[marlene damore]

Mountainman - I just love your honesty. I so relate. I know I came from much family dysfunction and in my case emotional and physical abuse. What a miracle it is that God can restore our family relationships back to sanity. We learn to be examples of humility and forgiveness and unconditional love. Just as you have done with your Dad by not bringing up his sins from the past in retaliation. We know the past is the past. We have the steps to deal with our past bringing us to freedom and understanding to not regret the past. When we arrive there...nothing can be dredged up from our past to hurt us as we are on solid ground. We don't regret the past nor shut the door on it. We are open. Others can open up my past over and over again...today I smile and say what a miracle to not be like that anymore and in recognition of knowing the difference. Maybe another opportunity to verbalize an apology but always an opportunity to be an example of forgiveness and humility. It changes relationships for the good. It has in my family. I know in my experience...my Dad...once the abuser...came to me years later in tears asking me for forgiveness. I had been long passed expectation of that and already found a loving place with him...this was a bonus miracle from God. Truely amazing. Also a family so broken by abuse and dysfunction and resentment is now bonded together more that I ever dreamed possible. Continued slight improvement in ourselves is how it begins bearing in mind progress not perfection.

[MajestyJo]

Don't know how I missed this, but glad I found it now. It was something I struggled with, and a woman saved me from going back out because gossip almost drove me out of AA. I got to the stage where I was thinking, what they talk about isn't true. If they knew what I really did do, they would have something to gossip about, and I developed major attitude which wasn't healthy for me.

I always try to remember what the lady, who took me to my first meeting said, "God doesn't make no junk!" It is an old cliche, but true. I am a sick person trying to get well. Not a bad person trying to get good.

[Mountainman]

Others can open up my past over and over again...today I smile and say what a miracle to not be like that anymore and in recognition of knowing the difference.

an opportunity to be an example of forgiveness and humility

Continued slight improvement in ourselves is how it begins bearing in mind progress not perfection.

enjoyed your post Marlene
hope that you do not mind that I highlighted just a few parts there
it warms my heart
and I thank God for that on this early morning
it may seem to be a simple thing to some
as they read your above statements I cut out
but
they mean so much to me as I take them to my heart
so happy to have this simple life and to be sober today

even for the simple man or woman
there is so much that God has given us

MM