Amends

[David Loughran]

Some of the B S I have heard over the years in A A has been sad to say the least. Saying sorry is not making amends. The one I heard last night did me in they said "I made amends to there kid I bought her new shoes" thats not making amends thats what parents are supposed to do its called responsability Amends means to change the situation so if I owe u money I return the money to you and then aske you what can i do to make the situation better between us THEN I LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY then carry out the task you set me This Is one of the amends I had to make My Mother who always stood by me and would visit me in every jail i was in I stole from her I went to make amends I explained why i was there I brought up some of my bad Deeds She stop me in my tracks and said I no all that all of your life i have just wanted u to b happy So from that day onwards when ever I saw my Mother no matter what was happening in my life I just acted happy She went to her grave and she new her son was happy I had changed the situation between her and I and did what she asked be Happy Now thats making amends in my book ;D ;D ;D

[angussdundee]

My experience of step nine is, that most of our circumstances vary from person to person so there is no one rule for all when it comes to making amends but we can and should ask God to guide us when we set about this important step.
The first and best place to start surely must be in the home if possible; to the patient and often courageous people who bore the brunt of our alcoholism. This seldom requires any dramatic action. The best way to start to make amends in the home is to be well ourselves, and to behave reasonably. This is usualy all that our loved ones want, what they have hoped and often prayed for over many years.
The benifits of step nine is where we start to reap the benefits of the promises. Although better known as the twelve promises of AA they are really the promises and benefits of step nine.
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development"......

That is step nine.

[David Loughran]

I agree with all u said the home is the first Place we make amends But the word amends means to change the situation not saying sorry I have had all the promises of step 9 in my life for some time now but like the B B says I was prepaired to go back to prison to change the situation between an other person and myself I believe the best prayer I can ever say is how i live my life we can talk about programs and books 24 7 but in my humble expereince i have ask that i can be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what my personal consequences might be. God bless and guide us both so that we can perform his work with a easy heart ;D ;D

[alfee]

an amends is taking a wrong, and making it right again.

[David Loughran]

I agree changing the situation

[Carol87]

Interesting topic ?. I agree with Anguss there is no one or perfect way to make amends ? each person is different as pointed out in Step 9 in the 12x12. In a nutshell, it is a matter of circumstances and, very importantly, timing. I believe that amends should be reviewed with your sponsor before making any attempt at serious amends. Sometimes indirect or living amends are most appropriate ? some are not possible to make and/or to honor that part of the step that says ?except when to do would injure them or others?.

For me, I certainly didn?t do them perfectly but I had to remember to take ONLY my own inventory and do my best to take out any possible anger at the person I?m making an amend to. Fortunately I found recovery before I was in danger of facing jail or serious financial consequences. Although my words and tone of voice are/were capable of doing serious damage. Some of my amends were welcomed, some were surprised that I felt an amend was even necessary, others were totally rejected. I remember saying to one of those who totally rejected my amend was that it was all about change but we have to put the anger aside before any progress can be made. Additionally, to lead into the amend I need to willing to acknowledge my actions and make apologies ? as stated in Step Nine ? ? ? freely admit the damage we have done and make our apologies. We can pay, or promise to pay, whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe ? ?

Again, for me, the amend is for me to be comfortable in my own skin by acknowledging my wrongs regardless of how the amend was or was not received.

Just my observations ?. not etched in stone.

[WolfM]

I believe that amends are changing the way I behave going forward after I have done my 9th steps. Amends does mean change. I can only change myself or the way I react to others. I can not change anything else.

Wolf M

[David Loughran]

I agree what you all have said to me mayby we are just using different words To change the situation between both parties I have been rejected also by people infact one or two said dont ever come near me again so when I saw them I went a different route so tha I did not upset them again changeing the situation ;D ;D