MajestyJo
11-01-2011, 04:47 AM
Something I found on my site Soundness of Mind on November 9, 2005. Food has been an ongoing battle for me and it shows me how much he problem is the thinkng behind the substance, rather than the substance itself. It didn't have to be donuts, it could have been a chocolate cream pie. This was written six years ago.
Have been in pain for three days and I am very grateful for the
recovery program that I have develeoped over the past fourteen years.
It makes me aware of when I am acting out in old behavior and
tonight I realized that I was back stuffing, using food to deal with
the pain because I didn't want to pop pills.
Even though the weather was bleak, windy, and held a promise of more
rain, I hobbled down four blocks with my cane to take myself out for
supper. This would have been okay on it's own, because I was too
sore to stand to cook myself a good meal although I did have good
intentions. I took out the hamburg to make a meat loaf, had
cauliflower long overdue to be cooked and planned to make store-
bought scalloped potatoes. It just seemed like too much work. The
old sick and tired of being tired and sick. What was wrong was my
detour back through the Tim Horton's shop for a dozen, not a half
but a whole dozen of donuts. Now they are quite harmless of
themselves, but when I got them home they called out to me and I ate
three on top of a big dinner of fish and chips.
The reason for my typing this, I still hear them talking and I am
reaching out and asking help to say no. I was going to take a
shower all day to relief the pain. It was like I wanted to stay in
it and couldn't get up the energy to do it. The plan started at
noon and here it is almost 9:45 p.m. and I have just come out of the
shower. What makes it worse was that I didn't take one yesterday
because I had a fear of falling and today I had to turn that fear
over and let it go. I have safety bars as well as a rubber mat on
the bottom of my tub. I had to turn everything over and act in
faith and act as though it would be alright, and it was.
sites
into one so that I won't be stretched into too many directions.
I have also used the building of my newest web site to distract
myself from the pain. At least it is a healthy outlet and I am
trying to form a site which is the good of all my other six
My websites became another addiction that I had to turn over to my Higher Power. I got the same thinking as I did with drinking and eat. Some is good, more is better. I didn't like people to interrupt me while I was working (using).
Have been in pain for three days and I am very grateful for the
recovery program that I have develeoped over the past fourteen years.
It makes me aware of when I am acting out in old behavior and
tonight I realized that I was back stuffing, using food to deal with
the pain because I didn't want to pop pills.
Even though the weather was bleak, windy, and held a promise of more
rain, I hobbled down four blocks with my cane to take myself out for
supper. This would have been okay on it's own, because I was too
sore to stand to cook myself a good meal although I did have good
intentions. I took out the hamburg to make a meat loaf, had
cauliflower long overdue to be cooked and planned to make store-
bought scalloped potatoes. It just seemed like too much work. The
old sick and tired of being tired and sick. What was wrong was my
detour back through the Tim Horton's shop for a dozen, not a half
but a whole dozen of donuts. Now they are quite harmless of
themselves, but when I got them home they called out to me and I ate
three on top of a big dinner of fish and chips.
The reason for my typing this, I still hear them talking and I am
reaching out and asking help to say no. I was going to take a
shower all day to relief the pain. It was like I wanted to stay in
it and couldn't get up the energy to do it. The plan started at
noon and here it is almost 9:45 p.m. and I have just come out of the
shower. What makes it worse was that I didn't take one yesterday
because I had a fear of falling and today I had to turn that fear
over and let it go. I have safety bars as well as a rubber mat on
the bottom of my tub. I had to turn everything over and act in
faith and act as though it would be alright, and it was.
sites
into one so that I won't be stretched into too many directions.
I have also used the building of my newest web site to distract
myself from the pain. At least it is a healthy outlet and I am
trying to form a site which is the good of all my other six
My websites became another addiction that I had to turn over to my Higher Power. I got the same thinking as I did with drinking and eat. Some is good, more is better. I didn't like people to interrupt me while I was working (using).