Day One ~ Again

[pinko74]

I went to my first meeting before Christmas and I haven't been back. I was overwhelmed at how many people were there & I felt pressure to talk.

Needless to say my sobriety lasted about a week before the holiday parties started and I had to have a drink. I can control myself when I am around others but it is when I get home I can't stop. I hide booze from my husband. I sneak drinks when I think he isn't paying attention & I try to figure out ways to get a drink without him knowing.

I know I need to go back to the meeting ~ I have been drinking all week & missing work. I just have a really hard time reaching out for help. I am ashamed and embarrased and don't want anyone to know...my friends lives revolve a lot around drinking but I don't want to lose them.

What can I do...I don't want to continue to ruin my life.

[adailyreprieve]

Pinko74 says: "What can I do...I don't want to continue to ruin my life?"

Thank you for your honesty. I know exactly how you feel. I've been there.

Why not try doing what you state in your sharing that you need to do - "I know I need to go back to the meeting."

You are in my prayers. Please keep me in yours.

[pinko74]

I was put in touch by AA with a woman that is part of the group in my town. I talked with her for a while and plan to go to a meeting on Friday. Until then I am going to hanker down with the book and try to get my mind thinking. I was at a wedding this past weekend and everyone was drunk and bugging me on why I wasn't...so I left early and came home to read the book.

Thanks for the words of support. It is amazing how a few kind words from someone who has been there can really help you out.

:)

[angussdundee]

Pinko, Kind words are a great comfort to us but they also need to be delivered to us with honesty. Doctors are often described as having a kind bedside manner but they would be useless if we didn't take the medicine that was also prescribed by them.
I think you know what I'm getting at, don't you? Instead of attending a wedding or any other social function that makes you feel uncomfortable and puts you at risk of drinking and then going home to try to decipher the big book on your own is not constructive.
On the other hand, attending AA on a regular basis, getting a sponsor to help you to understand the big book and put it's principals into action, and discussing your feelings with that sponsors will help you to learn how to share honestly and as openly as you need to be at meetings. If there are feelings or experiences you need to talk about but don't want to discuss them publicly, your sponsor, therapist or councilor can act as a discreet, understanding and non-judgemental sounding board.
Decades of experience have shown that those who honestly share their personal stories in a general way to others greatly improve their chances of long term sobriety.
Please keep in touch with us, we want to be your friends. :)
anguss

[adailyreprieve]

Pinko,

Way to go on leaving that wedding. You will gain strength every time you turn away from a drink or a likely drink.

I had to go to meetings every day for awhile. Maybe you should consider getting to more meetings.

[CarolD]

;D? ? ? Hello....

When? I? drank...I?? hung ? out? with drinkers.

As? I? started AA...they? faded away as we? no? ?longer ? had? the? same? interest.

Over? the? last? 20? years? many? died? from? alcoholism...in their? 40's? ?and? ?50's.? ?

Choose? sobriety...alcoholism? kills.? ?

[samf]

Hi, Pinko74!

How are you doing?

I sure understand how you feel...have felt all the same kinds of things.

Samf

[fishdocdon]

Welcome to All Newcomers. I've been around for 14 yrs. but can still remember the mess my brain was in when i got here. I am a doctor and educated, but the Big Book was major literature to me for the first few months. The book Living Sober became my bible for quite a few months untill my brain cleared. Get to meetings and when idle read read read to keep your brain from going to stange negative places. Good luck to you all. Keep coming back.

[angussdundee]

Great advice Doc. Good to see your post.
All the best, anguss.

[artistgirl]

pinkpinkpink, boy have i been where you are, just recently actually. i too had some serious problems over the holidays!? (big suprise..) new year's eve was especially hard for me and i fell bigtime. but after 3 days of drinking and feeling sorry for myself, i got up and moved forward. and god willing, i will not look back. reading,talking to othersin aa and keeping physically active is really helping me.
i am glad you are here. i believe you can help me too, by sharing how you feel, and how you are doing!!
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? peace to you!? ?artistgirl

[lee1967]

The best thing that u can do for yourself is to go to an aa meeting and reach out for help. This is a wonderful way of life if you give it a chance.All you have to do is not drink and attend meetings and everything else will follow Lee

[MIKEYBEEF]

::)Pinko.Our deepest fear is not that we are inatiquate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure.It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.Playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insucure around you.We are all ment to shine as children.Its not just in some of us its in everyone.And as we let our own light shine,we unconciously give other people permission to do the same,as we are liberated from our own fear,our presence automatically liberates others ;D Im on day 58 myself.Just focus on what your heart tells you ;D

[brad]

It sounds like your one of us. trying to act normal and hiding our drinking from others. Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hide. However, towards the end their personalities blended together and "Behold the Person" as they really are. If you don't want to share at a meeting. Just say "I pass" or "I just want to listen." Not wanting to give up your drinking freinds is normal. However, as life goes by and we change, we also change friends. It is like graduating from high school we lose contact with many of the persons we knew as each of us went our own ways in life. Hanging around drinkers is not conducive to an alcoholic wanting to get sober.

[moon]

It is so very hard to get to that first meeting and now I find if I do not stay with my regular meetings regularly It is tough to walk back into the room.So for the one struggling I suggest getting into a rutine and set yourself up that you have meetings on certain days that you never miss,it has helped me.