I'm new and I'm an Atheist, help me get over it?

[Lars26]

Hi my name's Lars and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also a recovering addict of 8 years, but am now having problems with alcohol instead of another substance. I decided I was going to my first AA meeting tonight after many years of drinking too much. Here's my problem:
I am a complete Atheist. I don't believe in any God in any way at all. And I am not going to change that belief.

I asked my Psychiatrist about what am I supposed to do in AA, with all the talk about God and or a Higher Power? He said that maybe your 'Higher Power' could be that fact that your brain is chemically imbalanced. I don't know what to do, I know I need to go to meetings but I also know how much I'm going to hear people talking about God. I don't like hearing it, because I don't believe in God in the first place. I get offended when I hear the word God, because I've been genuinly physically, emotionaly, mentally abused in God's name so very very much in my life. I then have the though that everything people say, if they use the word God in the sentence, is a total lie and self-delusion. I'm really stuck here, and I don't know what I'm supposed to think tonight when I go to this meeting. I know I'll want to walk out if they're having a spiritual discussion, or the whole God thing gets brought up too much. What do I do when I'm sitting there boiling, thinking this is insane and there is no such thing as God? I have to repeat that hearing the word God and honestly, Higher Power, really really pisses me off. Going to a meeting is like asking me to go to church, the God-talk there is so opposite of what I believe in my own heart.

I'd appreciate whatever you think.

[samf]

Hi, Lars26! Lots of people use the initials and say "Good Orderly Direction", or "Group Of Drunks".
This is the first thing I thought of, this morning. Also wanted to welcome you.

Samf

[pixieglitter]

Hi Lars26,

I felt the same as you when I first began going to AA. In fact, every time I heard or saw the words "Higher Power," I thought it was really cheezy.

My adivse to you is to not worry about it - at all. I suggest that you get a copy of the AA Big Book, and ask someone to be your "temporary" sponsor right away. (Asking someone to be your temporary sponsor makes it easier if, down the road, you want to change sponsors.) The AA program is not "all about God." It's a spiritual program and that's completely different. You don't have to believe in God to be spiritual. You can make the fellowship of your AA group your "Higher Power." Heck, you can even make a doorknob your Higher Power. In the beginning of my recovery, I would light a candle and focus on the flame - that was my Higher Power. A candle flame. A good sponsor can help you understand this concept.

Please do not let this one issue hold you back. I know how you feel. I, too, have been completely turned off (for many, many personal reasons) by Christianity, God, religious dogma, etc., etc. I just went to the meetings, read in my Big Book, got a sponsor, and started working on the steps.

Just take it baby steps, one baby step at a time. And keep going to meetings!

[chelseaLnj]

Hi Lars. I'm new at this too and thought the question of a higher power would keep me from living sober for sure. I've always been a complete athiest or, on a good day, agnostic. But the BB chapter 4 "We Agnostics" said if I kept my mind completely and asked God to intervine, he would. Well, I think I found him, and believe it or not he is in The Great Swamp in northern NJ. But I'm sure he can come to you, too. I went to a bird observatory in the swamp and stood still and watched and listened as carefully as I could, asked God, "tell me. Show me. give me some F-ing faith! They said I can't get sober without it!" and either the voice of God or my first auditory hallucination told me, "Stop trying to control everything. Look at all this. It made this swamp, it made you, and it made your life. You can only control what you do, so stop doing drugs and wait. The rest is just going to happen." It wasn't a very glamorous appearance, and it took me 2 days after to stop using, but it was enough for me to do step 2. So go out somewhere alone and ask him. Keep an open mind. That's it.

[james39]

dear lars,
As alcoholics and /or addicts we spend so much of our time trying desperately to find a specific answer and exact umbrella under which we fall.If you try and keep an open mind to the fact that other alcoholics are trying to live a sober life and help each other stay sober then you start from a genuine platform of trust and faith.I never knew who I was not just just that I had an addiction and that was my greatest fear.If I listen to those around me who are in the same situation we have a chance to live and find out what our lives can be.Trust that.With love and hope from anther sufferer,
James39

[moby4ever]

Lars,

I am new at this too, and besides being selfish and irresponsible and immature, the perception God that was drummed and forced in to my head growing up is part of the reason I am so f****d up, so when I started going to meetings, I didn't want to hear about any of that stuff either. One of the coolest things about AA is that you can sit in a meeting and be totally honest about how you feel, and no one judges you, even if that means saying that for you there is no higher power. Just my two cents.

[terri bea]

Hi Lars. I'm new at this too and thought the question of a higher power would keep me from living sober for sure. I've always been a complete athiest or, on a good day, agnostic. But the BB chapter 4 "We Agnostics" said if I kept my mind completely and asked God to intervine, he would. Well, I think I found him, and believe it or not he is in The Great Swamp in northern NJ. But I'm sure he can come to you, too. I went to a bird observatory in the swamp and stood still and watched and listened as carefully as I could, asked God, "tell me. Show me. give me some F-ing faith! They said I can't get sober without it!" and either the voice of God or my first auditory hallucination told me, "Stop trying to control everything. Look at all this. It made this swamp, it made you, and it made your life. You can only control what you do, so stop doing drugs and wait. The rest is just going to happen." It wasn't a very glamorous appearance, and it took me 2 days after to stop using, but it was enough for me to do step 2. So go out somewhere alone and ask him. Keep an open mind. That's it.
Hi Lars my name Terri

[lost at sea]

Hi Lars I'm a believer. Tell me about the God you don't believe in and I bet I don't believein him/her either. So much bull written in the name of God it's put beyond our reach

[MajestyJo]

Dear Lars,

I co-sponsored a guy who joined S.O.S. because he too was an athiest. I told him, it doesn't matter what you believe or don't believe about God, He believes in you. I told him that it didn't matter if his perception was opposite from everyone elses. I called it the God/Dog syndrome.

Good Orderly Direction from a Group of Drunks and/or Divine Orderly Good.

This is a spiirtual program not a religious one. It leaves the door open for everyone.

[lost at sea]

Religion takes me to hell, spirituality brings me out of it

[angus]

Lars, the fact that you do not have nor wish to even consider an alternative to a higher power of some understanding may be why you are experiencing so much un-manageability.
How can you possibly truthfully say that a God of our own understanding does not work if you are not at least prepared to investigate it further?

Angus.

[pfazzari]

Lars,
To undertsand a Power greater than ourself it doesn't have to be God. Be a little open-minded and your Higher Power will emerse from within.

[MajestyJo]

Your Higher Power can be nature, your group, your parents, your child, who or what ever gives you strength to get sober. Sobriety for me, means soundness of mind. Where can I go to find that peace each day when life is chaotic.

[Sep987]

Lars, I am of the belief that those of us whose beliefs are not rooted in the Christian or other religious Gods don't need to "get over it". We simply need to find a sense of peace within ourselves in terms of how our own beliefs are working in our own personal recovery.

This has been a hugely important piece in my own sobriety, so I empathize with you. If I had to define my beliefs I'd say they're closer to Pantheistic or maybe Taoist views. In the time I've been around AA I've struggled with finding my own spiritual identity in the midst of a Christian values based organization. I stayed true to my self, and in the last few years have found a greater peace with this than ever before. It's been a good journey of patience and acceptance with myself and others.

Of course, this is just my experience. I wish you peace in your own.
"To thine own Self be true."

ETA: just noticed the date of the original post, wonder if Lars is still around? Anyway, this is a good and relevant discussion for anyone who is struggling with the "God" thing or the religion-based elements of AA. It can be frustrating to be in it, but for anyone struggling with this please know that you are not alone, there are a few of us who have found peace and resolution within ourselves about this issue.