How do I deal with family & friends

[acargozoom]

Hello all, I've quite drinking June 25th of this year. It's been the hardest thing I have ever done. For some reason this surprised me. I thought it would be easier and it's not. The thing that surprises me the most about it is my family and friends. Nobody gets it. Some people are surprisingly rude about it. People that I thought would understand more then anyone else don't get it at all. I used to love entertaining at home with dinner parties and now it's torture. People act strange that I don't drink anymore, almost like I've offended them in some way. I even joked to a friend the other day that when she has her graduation night in December maybe I will have to start drinking again to celebrate with her, I was absolutely and totally joking and she says to me " that would be great your husband could be the designanted driver!" Can you believe it?!!! She was serious. I just looked at her like are you kidding me! I'm joking!!! She thought I was serious. I don't know maybe I'm being overly sensitive. I'm just having trouble communicating with everyone, they just don't understand. Is there some sort of article or book thats for families of alcholics that have quit drinking? Maybe there is tips to teach people how to deal with me, how to understand me. Does anyone have any stories about how they dealt with situations with family or friends?

[angussdundee]

I find your post tells us more about what your feeling rather than what you're actualy saying.
By focusing on other peoples points of view and opinions, we subtily try to shift the focus from us to them.
In this way we can perhaps try to justify a slip later on by convincing ourselves that 'they just don't understand' or 'they wanted me to drink' and 'I jokingly said I might have to start drinking again just to fit in'.
Well, we've got news for you. The only prerson who needs to get it - IS YOU!
Untill you are prepared to admit that you, yes you, are an alcoholic and are willing to go to any length to 'get it' then you are wasting your time trying to convince your family and friends of anything because they have probably heard it all before from you. About how your definately going to quit this time, for the kids, for mum and dad, for my best friend etc etc etc.
The truth is, probably no one will be happier than your family and real friends (heavy drinking buddies not included) to know that you're finally trying to do something about your very obvious problem. Trust me, they will not be surprised to know that you need help.
You'll find all the tips, books, experts and fellow travelers at any AA meeting. They will help you to see that by surrendering, we win.

Anguss.

[acargozoom]

That was great just what I need to hear. I loved what you had to say it makes so much sense. Stop focusing on what they think..and focus on what I need to do for myself. I know that I am not looking for an excuse to drink again. That is definetly wrong. I am a one time quiter. I decided to quit smoking and that was it. I quit. Never looked back. I decided to quit drinking and that's it, I'm done. What I'm looking for from friends and family is support. I want them to understand the power it takes for me to say no to drinking over and over again instead of rubbing it into my face. How are they going to do that when they don't have a problem with alcohol or haven't faced their own problem with it yet? I think what I was trying to say is I feel alone. I guess I should put my pride and embarrassment on a shelf and head to an AA meeting.

[WolfM]

Dear acargozoom,

I have been sober for over 20 years and my wife still does not get it. She does not get why I need the program of AA and meetings and other alcoholics to keep me sober. A real man could do it for himself. But then that probably says quite a bit about my relationship with my wife. My expectations for support from anyone but God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is zero. I surrendered of my own free will years ago and I try not to take back "control" of my life on a day to day basis and leave that to the God of my understanding.
No one is going to pat me on the back or give me a reward for staying sober. Another sober day is reward enough for me. And when my freinds say that they admire my will power for not drinking, I tell them it has nothing to do with my will. It is God's will. And knowing me they do not consider me a big book or bible thumper or a religious zealot. They understand that I can not take credit for something that has nothing to do with me expcept my maintaining a relationship with the God of my understanding. And whether they understand it or respect it is irrelevant. THey could not help me. My family could not help me. You people helped me. And I am forever grateful for that.
Wolf M

[samf]

Hi, Acargozoom!

Welcome!

It would be great if you decided to go to AA meetings! Think you would be amazed at all the like minded people!

Alcohol almost killed me. I'm so grateful that my Higher Power and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the fellowship of AA helped me, and still does!

My family, who were all still drinkers, didin't react the way you shared, and my sitaution wasn't exactly the same as yours. When people now encourage me to take a drink, I just decline. I know where that drink will take me. They may not.

If I drink, it sets up a physical craving in me for more of the same. Once I start, I can't stop. Some folks seem to be able to, but I am not one of them.

Also I learned in AA how to be happily and usefully whole...I didn't know how to live, before, either, in my case.I didin't know what to do with reactions, feelings, life!

Anyway, so glad you are here! Waving and smiling!

Samf