Identify, Not Compare

[MajestyJo]

It was in NA I realized that the drug was but a symptom of my disease (dis-ease). A girl, who was in my eyes very blonde, petite, and dainty, but in her eyes she was ugly and had no self-esteem) shared her story and she told mine. She was a H addict and had never touched alcohol in her life because her father was one. She was everything I wanted to be and wasn't, she shared my feelings, she looked and sounded like we should be night and day, but the story she told was the same. I tried pot once and I tried hash twice (tried, upchuck and lost my booze, which led to a resentment, so I tried one more just to see if maybe the two didn't mix), now that doesn't sound like more to me. I was so sick that I ended up on all fours with my head in the toilet, and crawled away on my hands and knees one time and the other time I had to let my husband drive the car home which was something I would never do when he had been drinking.

It is totally unreal how much we all have in common, especially when all of the extras are stripped away.

Sadly enough, it is the feelings you need to compare. When we get here we are generally not aware of any. If we do have any, they are often mis-labeled or lumped all into one! That one being anger, and certainly not willing to admit fear.

No wonder they said spirituality was a change in attitude sufficient enough to bring about recovery. I had to keep coming to change my attitude. Then I had to keep coming to show my gratitude. Then I had to keep coming because I realized, without you, there is no me.

Have another clean and sober 24! Not 2-4, but 24 hours.

[MajestyJo]

At a CA meeting recently I heard my story and my recovery from a girl who shared at a one year anniversary. I never did crack or cocaine in my life, yet I know that if I picked up again, who is to say that I wouldn't experiment with it. It was never in front of me when I was using. I tried everything else that crossed my path back then, so who is to say that this time would be different.

The girl who spoke never used alcohol, yet her feelings were the same as mine. She took the same Steps to recovery that I did. She walked a very similiar path to get to the rooms of recovery and followed the program in much the same manner as I did once we got here.

She relapsed after she came into recovery, and although I never physically picked up I had emotional and spiritual bottoms in recovery, and I am glad that I didn't have to pick up my drug(s) of choice.

There are times when I have had that extra donut, that extra helping of garlic mashed potatoes, or that extra bite of comfort food. I have worked on the computer a few extra hours to shut off the pain instead of looking at what I did to cause it and what I could do to change it, talked to people so I wouldn't have to be by myself and deal with the feelings.

As long as I am aware, and connected to my Higher Power, I can stop using people, place and things today and go to Him for personal empowerment.