tlrgs
03-22-2008, 05:28 PM
ok let start it took so much for me to see what was in front of me.
untili lost it all,to realize all i had was all i needed.
the women i love, the two boysand yes even my ex-wife.there was everything i ever needed.
in many ways it was my drinking way too much for one man to handle and that is what brought out my anger.to take it out on everyone i love was the worst thing i could have ever do to anyone.
to think i had it so bad where i didnt . all i had to is look around and open my eyes and hert.
if i wouldhave done it sooner,it would've taken so much to get me where i am today.
to see myself in that bed laying there helpess with piss and **** all over me i thought i was dead.but to see myself for the first time. i saw what everyone was trying to tell me.
to see that i was going to be alone , unhappyi n everyway and at this time i was.
to make me realize what i have done to everyone i love .i push them away,
i should have never said the thing i said to them or the things i did to them.
i put them threw hell to let them see me do it to myself,all because t drank and the pain of worrying about work and where i was going to get money from or my next job.
my boys the world is so bad in many ways for you two boys to grow up without a father,and i many ways i thought i was doing the right thing by being a hard ass to them,showing them that alittle hard work is good for a person to learn.but really i was just pushing them away.who would a drunk as a father ad the in the same way who would want a drunk as a lover.to let her see me try to kill myself and to make her feel so bad about herself.to tell you the truth iam glad she did what she did to push me into waking up to see and understand .how when and where it went wrong.
the when and the where is this i always had to drink.the what it didnt matter because it would take just any small thing to make me mad and want to drink more and ow how can i as roger live and understand .
what i did .that is kind of hard because. i do not remember alot of it ..it took my gf and i to sit down .
and talk about what i have done to all of them and to her .all can ask is to see it in their hearts to forgive,i know it takes time.i will say one thing for a long time i didnt believe there was a god ,till the day i woke up and look around ,there were signs all around me . to see the cats friendlier ,the pepper plant that were dead was alive again and dong great we had christmas peppers.the ildea of just saying no and controling my anger the best i can and thinking before i speak. to have my gf back is the greatest gift of all and what i wanted most of all is for my-ex and my two boys to love me again open your eyes and see that i can change not for you ,but for myself .i know it will take time but i am on the right path now and i know there is a god .i am a better man just for taking that first step and admitting that i am an alcoholic
and goiing to meeting . they really do helpand my first meet i ever went to was i nc and when they give me the 12 and 12 and i open it up it was everything i was already appling
"god works in mystrious ways" .........thank you for letting me share hope this help in some small way
5 months sober and going strong
untili lost it all,to realize all i had was all i needed.
the women i love, the two boysand yes even my ex-wife.there was everything i ever needed.
in many ways it was my drinking way too much for one man to handle and that is what brought out my anger.to take it out on everyone i love was the worst thing i could have ever do to anyone.
to think i had it so bad where i didnt . all i had to is look around and open my eyes and hert.
if i wouldhave done it sooner,it would've taken so much to get me where i am today.
to see myself in that bed laying there helpess with piss and **** all over me i thought i was dead.but to see myself for the first time. i saw what everyone was trying to tell me.
to see that i was going to be alone , unhappyi n everyway and at this time i was.
to make me realize what i have done to everyone i love .i push them away,
i should have never said the thing i said to them or the things i did to them.
i put them threw hell to let them see me do it to myself,all because t drank and the pain of worrying about work and where i was going to get money from or my next job.
my boys the world is so bad in many ways for you two boys to grow up without a father,and i many ways i thought i was doing the right thing by being a hard ass to them,showing them that alittle hard work is good for a person to learn.but really i was just pushing them away.who would a drunk as a father ad the in the same way who would want a drunk as a lover.to let her see me try to kill myself and to make her feel so bad about herself.to tell you the truth iam glad she did what she did to push me into waking up to see and understand .how when and where it went wrong.
the when and the where is this i always had to drink.the what it didnt matter because it would take just any small thing to make me mad and want to drink more and ow how can i as roger live and understand .
what i did .that is kind of hard because. i do not remember alot of it ..it took my gf and i to sit down .
and talk about what i have done to all of them and to her .all can ask is to see it in their hearts to forgive,i know it takes time.i will say one thing for a long time i didnt believe there was a god ,till the day i woke up and look around ,there were signs all around me . to see the cats friendlier ,the pepper plant that were dead was alive again and dong great we had christmas peppers.the ildea of just saying no and controling my anger the best i can and thinking before i speak. to have my gf back is the greatest gift of all and what i wanted most of all is for my-ex and my two boys to love me again open your eyes and see that i can change not for you ,but for myself .i know it will take time but i am on the right path now and i know there is a god .i am a better man just for taking that first step and admitting that i am an alcoholic
and goiing to meeting . they really do helpand my first meet i ever went to was i nc and when they give me the 12 and 12 and i open it up it was everything i was already appling
"god works in mystrious ways" .........thank you for letting me share hope this help in some small way
5 months sober and going strong