When They Come Back...

[Thevelv.rabbit]

She had been on my mind. Hadn't seen her in some months...I didn't get her number. She showed up at our women's mtg last night. Everyone was hugging her...crying. Just one look at her I, it's obvious the disease is kicking her behind. I just held her after the mtg, and told her, "if we dont cya again...we're coming after u!" She laughed and cried at the same time. I'm glad she's back.

Another one showed up...hadn't seen her in 3 wks, but didn't think it out of the ordinary. People have jobs...lives to live. Well, she let the group know that she indeed took a drink. We just held her too. It was only a couple of mos that her son was taken away b/c of this disease. Cunning...Baffling...Powerful, and Patient is what this disease is.

I know I'm just "one drink away". B/c of how I came into this program, I'm not sure Im coming back...I just take it one day at a time. It's a battle though...

This guy on the alch/drug committee at the union hall told me, "I don't hug people that come back after they slipped..." He went on this rant about relapse... To each his own. I know if I had a chance to come back if I relapsed, I would hope the people would welcome me like we did those 2 young ladies last night.

[samf]

I don't think that I have another recovery in me, today. What I mean is I don't know that I would actually make it back before the disease killed me.

Have seen and heard about so many chairs turned up.

I'm always so glad when someone comes back in. I want so much for all of us to get the chance to live, really live...not just be walking, talking dead people...being killed in a slow, progressive kind of death.

And the longer am around, the more I see that alcoholism IS cunning, baffling, powerful...over and over again.

I loved the people who hugged me, even loved the ones who got on my butt. I figure they all did what they did, becuase they cared. Since I'm only one drink away from a drunk, it's real easy to see how it happens, for me, right now.

I don't know what other people do, as far as folks coming back...I mean I see actions, but don't alwys know the why. That is ok...only am responsible for what I do, I guess.

Have a friend who just lost thier mate. I know how I had the thought a couple of times, to drink, over my own pain, similar, and how grateful I am that things didn't happen that way.

What I end up doing about this firend is to try to be there in the ways I can, and definitely to pray for them.

Remember this guy saying we are all in a lifeboat together, rowing...that it was a we program. I personally do believe that, very much.

Just rambling.

Sam

[Thevelv.rabbit]

I love rambling Sam...its cathartic. ;D

U mentioned "the ones who got on my butt"... Good point b/c recovery is not easy, and sometimes u really do have to tell a person straight with no chaser. Im just not one of those ppl to do that yet, so I just hug ya. But when its time to share, I am very honest about my bs...I don't dress it up.

[moralina]

I have nothing but admoration for people make it back!
Pride being one of most alcoholics character weaknesses, it must be seriously difficult to walk back in the rooms.

Iam eternally grateful that that i havent slipped whilst being in the programme but had plenty of them before finding AA.

I would need a hug i know that.

am i right in thinking that most people on this website are in the States and know each other?

Hello then from a Brit in Spain.

Love and stay well
Mx :)

[soberd2]

This is a wonderful post! I may not have to run to that meeting and miss taking care of my nephew! Maybe there is a higher power that looks out for us. I don't know...
I agree with the person who approaches "slips" with a hard-nose attitude and here's why;
There is no such thing as a "slip"!!!! in my opinion. You chose to get here , you chose to drink, you chose to go into "recovery" (or whatever it really is in your situation) AGAIN. It is NOT just a "slip"! It is a SELF - willed decision the kind of thing that the people of the fellowship and the texts are so focused on; Self - will is why you RELAPSED! You do it to yourself. I , that is an "I statement", yes, I will be "losing my son to this disease " all over again if I drnik or use! I am the person that will be RESPONSIBLE!!! NOT God, not a Higher Power, not the fellowship; ME! That is the way I, I see it. I may be wrong. I am not a saint I just want to grow along spiritual lines. ( i think i stole that line).

Yes, I agree, I do not have enough life left in me for another recovery either! Great line! My sponsor told me that one , too! I've gotten people to their feet every time I mention that at meetings.
I , too, have another drunk, Hell Yeah! I could go out and snort some Yayo, some Gak maybe. I could wash out the night with some 100 Proof Vodka and a handful of sedatives!!! Just don't come near me if I'm wasted (to paraphrase my sponsor) ! Just don't come near me because I am not going to let the substances kill me, I'm going to kill myself with the substances (either way YOU look at it, you're doing the same!; "intentionally" or not). If I don't get around to myself first, my drunken self will not think twice about taking you out first! ( adopt this anyway YOU like; either accidentally "slipping" on the accelerator it doesn't have to include loading a rifle; perhaps that young lady who " slipped" will drunkenly "slip" her car into a tree with the child she got visitation with; is one truly better than the other???) What if the "drunken her" runs over your child? Will you hug her then?

I hope my delivery is not too harsh. I truly do. I do see it will most definitely come off that way to most people on first read! I want everyone to have sobriety; I truly believe I do. I hope that this is seen, by some atleast, as a form of "tough love". If you don't see it that way, take a second to deflate your ego, even if I am "ranting" and indulging my ego...Still, am I making any kind of valuable point?

I will close with this; I personally needed a tough sponsor. If he told me, "dude, you've saved thousands of lives and brought thousands more from blindness to vision, you don't have to worry about the ones you blinded; you don't have to be accountable to a higher power". Then I, (that is me, not necessarily you) never would have grown spiritually at all. That is just me. This was a necessary ego deflation for me. It was painful. It takes a lot of effort and I may be failing with the posting of this rant. It doesn't mean that this will be true for you. I don't think I know. I am just trying to get right with the universe. If I pissed you off, let me have it. :) ;) :P :-*
Peace (and serenity) be with you!

[soberd2]

Oh, and yes, I think it is very admirable and extremely brave that someone comes back IF they are coming back to get sober.

[WolfM]

I view relapse in the "Their but for the Grace of God go I" category. I also include this in Survivors Guilt. You know, storming the beach and the guy next to you becomes a pink mist. You are sorry he got it, but you are also very happy it was not you. People who relapse help me to know, and see, and feel, that it does not get better out there. It only gets worse. I do not judge why they went back out. I feel bad about it because I do not like to see someone suffer. But I also know that I can learn from them and I will ask them when they come back, "what happened, what were you thinking, what were the circumstances", so that I will see the warning signs if it happens to me.

Wolf M

[Carol87]

I have nothing but admoration for people make it back!
Pride being one of most alcoholics character weaknesses, it must be seriously difficult to walk back in the rooms.

Iam eternally grateful that that i havent slipped whilst being in the programme but had plenty of them before finding AA.

I would need a hug i know that.

am i right in thinking that most people on this website are in the States and know each other?

Hello then from a Brit in Spain.

Love and stay well
Mx :)


Welcome to AASL ... hope to see you often so we can get to know you ... We know each other from sharing in this group but not everyone is in the States ...

Relapse - coming back ... I agree with you ... I admire those those make it back, I'm not sure I would have the courage to do it ... I especially like what Wolf shared here. I haven't relapsed ... YET ... but that's not to say it won't happen. Cunning, baffling, powerful AND patient ...

[samf]

Wanted to say welcome to moralina and to soberd2!

Sam

[MIKEYBEEF]

A miracle is a shift in perception.
We often see the inconveniences in our lives as far more serious and
disruptive than they really are. Fortunately a tiny attitude change can
result in quite a different experience.
For instance, consider the frustration of getting a flat tire on the
way to work. You have been late three times in the past two weeks, and
you know your boss will be upset. Initially, you may be convinced the
entire day is ruined. You may want to scream at the motorists who don't
stop to help or go back home and call in sick. What a perfect
opportunity to practice shifting your perception- but how?
The first step is to ask God for a different perception of the
situation and then quietly wait while one takes shape. Second, be
grateful that the car wasn't thrown out of control when the flat
occurred. Third, use the time it takes to change the tire to evaluate
the priorities in your life.
Our feelings will be diff
erent when our approach to life is different.
Seeking miracles in this way guarantees them.
I will ask God for the help I need as often as I need it today.

[jdraper61]

When I was new my sponsor (who by the way was a retread,his words not mine) told me to ask the person who relapses what happened? They are as important to me as the new man, they will warn me to get moving if I'm weak in an area of my recovery. my program needs tune-ups. Mostly They remind me of my meetings, I'm going to. Meetings Meetings Meeting!!! They usually tell me they didnt know how to talk about a problem or got tired of meetings or scared to talk about it with someone. And a number of other reasons. The retread has courage plain and simple. Its my opinion that they can have wisdom I dont. I can learn from anyone it I give them a chance. The person that goes back out deserves my attention if not at least me saying " welcome back" with love. Thanks for topic. JD

[mike5335]

The person I care about when the alcoholic who drank comes back is ME. Self-centered? Maybe.

I am my own worst critic. If I were to drink after years of sobriety, it wouldn't be to have "fun". It would probably be because that mental obsession to pick up a drink had, somehow, returned. Maybe because "little Mikey" hadn't gotten his way again, maybe because I decided I was well and didn't need meetings, a Higher Power, or the program of recovery in the Big Book. I don't know. But my drinking wasn't "fun" for about the last 10 years or so and it wouldn't be "fun" if I drank now. I would "know" that you all hated me. I would "know" that I wasn't really welcome because you all now think of me as a 2nd class citizen. I would "know" that people thought that everything I ever said was insincere and hypocritical. The imaginary baseball bat that I beat myself with would be in full swing.

Hence, I must greet that returnee with open arms and love. Maybe that isn't exactly what he or she needs. Maybe he or she needs a drill sergeant to beat them into line. Some folks probably do. I don't. I walk in my shoes and guilt, remorse, and shame came out big on my 4th/5th Step, and sometimes today on my 10th Step. I don't need someone to tell me how worthless I am because I drank. I already know that. I would need, I believe, folks to welcome me back with love, patience and tolerance. I think those are supposed to be our code.

Alcoholics Anonymous saved my life in 1996. I would hope that I would be given the chance to have it save my life again in 201X if I drank again. But, if instead what I received when I came back was criticism, sarcasm, and ridicule, alcoholism would probably have another fatality. I can't risk giving that treatment to a returnee from the 1st, 2nd, or 100th slip. I have to behave as if my life depended on it. And it does.