I am Me.

[saved1]

In all of the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it. I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all of my triumphs and successes, all of my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By doing so, I can love me and be friendly with me in all of my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know, but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me. :15:

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. Later, if some parts of how I look, sound, think, and feel turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me, and therefore I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay. :1:

You are reading from the book:

Twelve Step Prayer Book - Second Edition

[janbear]

I have read that before and always liked it. Thanks for posting it.

[saved1]

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” :17:
Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes

[saved1]

When we feel trapped in the deep pit of shattered self esteem and hopelessness, it can be extremely difficult to imagine that there is a way out. But there is a way out. There is no simple formula that we can follow which will guarantee a recovery from depression. And there are no magical incantations to help us avoid the hard work that needs to be done. But there is a way out. Recovery is possible. There are several guidelines we can follow which will set us on the path to recovery.

First, it is important to recognize that we are depressed. It is possible to have a drastic decrease in our energy and our interest in life, to have major changes in sleeping and eating patterns, to find ourselves unable to concentrate or to remember, to watch ourselves acting more irritable and anxious, and to feel like we just don’t care about much-without realizing that we are depressed. Knowing some of the classic signs of depression, and observing ourselves closely enough to read these signs is the first step on the pathway out of depression.

Once we recognize that we are depressed it is important to make room for the depression. This may seem like upside down thinking ("Why make room for the things you want to get rid of?") but it is an essential part of the healing process. The reality is that depression drains our energy. We simply cannot do and go at the pace to which we are accustomed. C.S. Lewis experienced this after his wife’s death. He wrote: "I loath the slightest effort. Not only writing, but even reading a letter is too much. Even shaving. What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth?"

Depression is like having the flu in this sense, but it is worse than having the flu because it often lasts longer and we are less likely to give ourselves a break. We are less likely to be compassionate with ourselves and more likely to be judgmental. But when we are depressed we need a break. We need to cut back on our expectations of ourselves. We need to find ways to be kind to ourselves and to nurture ourselves.

At the same time, we need to be aware that reducing our expectations of ourselves and giving ourselves a break can be taken too far. Sometimes when we are depressed we want to go to bed, pull the covers over our heads and never get up again. Doing this will, of course, only increase our depression. So, as we give ourselves a break and allow ourselves to do less than we normally do, we also need to push ourselves to stay as engaged as possible with life. Some of the things we might do to stay engaged include beginning (or continuing) a regular exercise program (even if it means just a walk around the block), spending time with friends doing simple social activities (going out to lunch, sitting in a park) and talking with someone about what we are experiencing (whether it is a friend, a prayer partner, a pastor, a grief group or other support group or a therapist).

When I worked as a nurse with post-surgical patients I would try to explain a similar balance that was needed to recover after surgery. I told patients that they would find themselves tired, even exhausted. They would need to take naps – something they may never have done before. They needed to do this because it is during rest that the body repairs itself. But they also would need to stay as active as possible. They needed to be up and about and walking many times a day. Their recovery depended on giving themselves a break (expecting less of themselves, and doing less), yet staying as active as possible. Recovery from depression requires a similar balance.

Another important part of our recovery from depression is to do the painful psychological and spiritual work that is involved in grieving. Recovery from depression can be thought of as "grief work." It is a time in which we are called on by the circumstances of life to face a loss or a potential loss and to acknowledge the meaning which this loss has for us. Whether the loss is the loss of our physical health, or the loss of a marriage, or the loss of a job, or the loss of our youth, or the loss of a dream, or the shattering loss of trust that an assault can cause – whatever the loss or the potential loss, the meaning it carries is highly personal, and very important to explore.

Depression comes to us with a message. Depression signals to us that something has happened or is threatening to happen that touches a very deep part of who we are. Depression is like an alarm system calling us to pay attention. In the relatively simple story of my depression over a canceled picnic, the depression was pulling at my sleeve, pointing out to me how important my family was to me and how much I needed time with them. It was also showing me that I was trying to be superwoman, and that I needed to develop more reasonable expectations of myself. More deeply, it was whispering to me that I was trying to find value in doing because I did not believe there was value in my being. If I had denied or minimized my depression, I would have missed these important messages.

When we are depressed we need to recognize that we are depressed, we need to give ourselves a break, we need to stay as engaged as possible and we need to explore the meaning of the loss or the potential loss that faces us.

Perhaps the most important thing that can be said about recovery from depression is that we can not go it alone. When we are depressed most of us want to withdraw. We tell ourselves that no one would want to be around us when we are like this. And besides, we don’t want to be around anybody anyway. But we need God and we need other people loving and supporting us in order to heal.

When we are depressed we may believe we are not lovable or valuable. At its deepest level, this is one of the wounds that depression reveals to us – our need and longing for love is one of depression’s most important messages to us. All of us need to know that we are loved and valued by God and by others.

At the moment when we feel least inclined to reach out or to take a risk of any kind, we most need to do so. We need to ask for loving support from others. Even one person is a start. It might be a friend. Or a pastor. Or a therapist. It is important to remember that the greater the depression, the more support we will need. A mild, short-lived depression may be resolved in a conversation with a friend, or in a time of prayer. A more significant long-lasting depression may require the support of several friends, a therapist and possibly appropriate medication. A depression that leaves us actively suicidal will require the support, at least temporarily, of a hospital staff in addition to friends and a therapist.

When we are depressed we need a special kind of help from God. We need to know God is close to us, loving us, caring for us. Yet, when we are depressed, we often believe God is distant, disapproving, punishing or unreachable. Again, we are faced with a powerful struggle. When we need God most, we are in a position of feeling least able to risk asking for God’s help. This is a time to ask others to pray for us, because we may not be able to pray for ourselves. It is a time to keep our prayers simple: "Help!" or "God have mercy on me." are examples of the sum total of what we may be able to pray. This may be a time for reading the psalms so they can give voice to our sorrow and shed light in our darkness. Psalm 34:18 offers us the reassurance we need when the darkness of depression closes in on us: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." May the tender, healing presence of the Lord sustain you when your heart is broken and your spirit is crushed, so that you will have the strength to listen to your depression and the grace to receive God’s unfailing love. :15:

Juanita Ryan is a therapist in private practice at Brea Family Counseling Center, Brea, California

[saved1]

Have you ever noticed how refreshingly fun it is to be around positive thinking people who seem to naturally maintain a positive attitude? No matter how bad the circumstances, negativity never even enters their minds, let alone crosses their lips to form negative, faithless words! But let's be honest, encountering a positive person is a rare occurrence these days. Whoops, that sure was a negative thought!

In her typically light-hearted tone, Karen Wolff of Christian-Books-for-Women.com shows us how to turn our negative thoughts into positive thinking — permanently — with these positive attitude tips.

Negative Versus Positive Thinking
Why is it so much easier to have a negative attitude than a positive one? What's inside of us that just naturally pulls us toward the negative side of things?
We read the books. We attend the seminars. We buy the tapes, and things seem to go well for awhile. We feel better. Our outlook is improved, and we're hopeful. That is ... until something happens that sends us reeling all over again.

It doesn't even have to be a major, catastrophic event to send us back to the land of negative thinking. It can be something as simple as someone cutting us off in traffic or pushing ahead of us in the grocery checkout line. What gives those seemingly simple occurrences of every day life so much power to literally throw us into a tizzy all over again?

This never ending cycle continues because its source is never addressed. We "try hard" to be positive, attempting to over-ride how we truly feel. It's a lot of work pretending to be positive when inside we know all too well that it won't take long before one of those annoying life issues creeps up and dumps all over our positive attitude.

Negative Thinking
Negative attitudes come from negative thoughts that come from reactions to negative behavior. And around the cycle goes. We know that none of this negative stuff is coming from God. There is nothing negative about the way he thinks or acts.
So how do we put a stop to all this nonsense? How do we get to a place where our positive attitude is what's natural for us and not the other way around?

I wish I could give you a magic formula that, when applied correctly, would erase your negative attitude in three days. Yup, can't you just see the infomercial on a product like that? For just $19.95 you can have all your dreams come true. What a bargain! People would be lining up for this one.

But alas, the real world isn't quite so simple. The good news is that there are some things we can do to help transition from the land of negativity to a much more positive place.

Positive Thinking Tips for a Positive Attitude - Permanently
•First, focus on what you're thinking about. Remember what I said about being stuck because we never addressed the source? Our negative actions and words are coming from our negative thoughts. Our body, including the mouth, has no choice but to follow wherever our mind goes.
It is possible to control our thoughts, regardless of what we've been led to believe. As soon as a negative thought comes into your mind, purposefully make it a point to replace it with a positive one. (2 Corinthians 10:5) At first, this may take some work, because chances are, we will probably have a lot more negative thoughts in our head than positive ones. But eventually, the ratio will reverse itself.


•Second, stop letting other people's negative attitudes influence yours. This may mean we need to stop hanging around with people who do nothing but spout negative stuff. We can't afford to do this when our goal is to become more positive. The negative people in our life aren't going to like it when we stop participating in negativity. Just remember that birds of a feather really do flock together.

•Third, make a list of all the areas in your life that you want to change. List all your negative attitudes too. If you can't think of things to put on your list, just ask your family. I'll bet they'll help you make it a really long list!

•Fourth, take some time to write strong, life-giving, positive affirmation statements. Make a commitment to read those statements out loud every day. Enjoy how great they make you feel. Know in your heart that you're making progress, even if you can't see it just yet. Just keep affirming the positive.

•Lastly, take time to pray about this. You can't change by yourself. But you can spend time with the One who is able to help. Do what you can, and let God do the rest. It really is that simple.
This process will change how we think and that's the real key to changing how we act. Remember, the body will follow wherever the mind goes. There is no way to separate the two, so we might as well "program in" what we want, instead of randomly leaving it to chance.
Just know that God's version of a right attitude contains nothing negative. And if we want God's best for our life, it starts with right thoughts — his thoughts to be exact.

[saved1]

Cherie Carter-Scott, Ph.D.

You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called life.

There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that doesn't contain it's lessons. If you're alive, there are still lessons to be learned.

"There" is no better than "here." When your "there" has become "here," you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

Other people are merely mirrors of you. You can not love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

The choice is yours.

[saved1]

Adrenaline Junkie?
While there are plenty of legitimate reasons why one’s life can maintain a continual aura of drama, and the label ‘adrenaline junkie’ seems a bit harsh and final to pin on anyone (particularly oneself), the concept does provide an interesting angle through which to examine one’s life. While leading an exciting life in and of itself isn’t a problem, unwittingly creating crises for yourself or becoming needlessly engulfed in stressful situations can take its toll. If you tend to create more drama in your life than is necessary, the benefit of becoming aware of it is twofold:

1.You can begin to keep things exciting, but take the ‘crisis edge’ off, paring down unnecessarily stressful activities and distinguishing the subtle difference between a true crisis and a somewhat overblown situation.
2.You can practice relaxation techniques to reverse your body’s stress response when you find yourself overwhelmed so you don’t experience the full negative effects of chronic stress.
To see if you have some subtle adrenaline junkie traits, and to find specific and detailed resources that fit your situation, take the Adrenaline Junkie Self Test. http://stress.about.com/library/adrenaline/bl_adrenaline_self_test.htm

Adrenaline Addiction Info & Articles. Articles are in PDF format.
http://www.adrenalineaddicts.org/articles.php

Adrenaline Addicts Anonymous
http://adrenalineaddicts.org/

Hooked on Gambling Rush?

"Who got the dice?" "Play tunk for the ones!" "Shoot something!" "Bet a dub on the game!" These are common phrases.
Do you deal with the depression of losing your bets with narcotics? If so, you should be in search of help and that's something you can bet on!

GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/node/1

[saved1]

What I have too often failed to recognize, however, is the life-consuming tyranny of everyday fears. These garden-variety fears hurt us, our relationships and our recovery more than the grizzlies. These fears seem to inject themselves into every crevice of our daily lives. They damage us the most because we address them the least. :confused:

My daily fear of failure, mostly unknown and unacknowledged for years, drove me like a merciless Pharaoh to do more and more with less and less. The fear of failing pushed me to run hard at work and left me drained at home. The punishing pace that fear created on the job stripped me of the emotional reserve to participate appropriately in creating intimacy at home. This ordinary fear impacted my life in a disturbingly extraordinary way. :eek:

Many other common fears shape our lives, our souls and our relationships—for example, the fear of rejection; the fear of being hurt again by the same person in the same way; the fear of not ever really mattering to a special person in our lives, the fear of being seen as different, the fear of getting “too” close, the fear of abandonment, the fear of waning health, the fear of being ignored, the fear of disappointing the important people in our lives, the fear of our imperfections becoming visible, the fear of secrets being exposed, the fear of always being on the outside, the fear of never “getting it right,” the fear of never feeling safe again, the fear of losing what matters most, and the fear of not getting what one needs. Although these relentless, life-twisting fears can be addressed in helpful ways, we seldom even acknowledge them. Instead we absorb them into our lives and see them as normal. :undecided:

How can we address these ordinary fears? For me it required lots of help. It took long-term counseling for me to even acknowledge that I was afraid of failing, and more time and therapy were required before I discovered my fear of intimacy. Acknowledging the fears we unknowingly hide is not easy. It requires the work of our Higher Power and often the skills of knowledgeable confidants. We must also examine ourselves tenaciously. All this work is to just name and acknowledge what we fear. It takes a lifetime of practice to address these fears effectively. The tentacles of life’s common fears reach deeply. :15:

If we are to overcome our fears, we must drag them into the light of conscious reality. We must disclose them. Even if we are men or ministers or both, we must acknowledge each fear, feel it deeply it as we experience it, and face it squarely, with the help of God and others. We do this instead of unintentionally creating addictions or escapes (like working harder) to mask our fears. As we confront each fear in this way we gradually recover from it.

Unfortunately, fear is not a debt that can be paid, never to be faced again. Common as well as uncommon fears find their way back to our paths. However, they don’t have to distort and destroy our lives as they have before, and if we’re wise, we learn to recognize the subtle forms they take.

While I face a grizzly, all the ordinary fears that continue to challenge me, my faith and my relationships remain too. I need to trust God to help me with these fears just as much as I need to trust him to help me with the grizzly in my life. May God grant each of us the wisdom to openly and effectively respond to our everyday fears. :43:

Dale Wolery (Edited Version.)

[saved1]

Today's Power Thought:
Make Hard Work Easier.

Determine to like your work. Then it will become a pleasure, not drudgery. Change yourself, and your work will seem different.

[saved1]

When you're young, there's so much that you can't take in. It's pouring over you like a waterfall. When you're older, it's less intense, but you're able to reach out and drink it. I love being older.

—Sigourney Weaver, actress

[saved1]

A Time to Think
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.—Marianne Williamson

To Act
Don’t be overwhelmed by the enormity of your goals. Each day and every step brings you closer to blooming.

[saved1]

by Dale Wolery



Preoccupation, distractibility and unmanageability are words any addict could use to describe some of the particularly baffling symptoms of the addictive process. All addicts pay attention to their drug of choice. And all addicts fail to pay attention to the things that really deserve attention. In time, our serenity is swallowed by the power of the addictive process. Manageability submits to loss of control. Addictions disrupt life. The same thing happens to people struggling with attention deficit disorder (ADD). A life full of preoccupation, distractibility and unmanageability is something that addicts and people with ADD share.

ADD in adults can have the same personally cunning and baffling feeling as addiction. People struggling with either problem find that “normal” is difficult to describe or enjoy. The distortions caused by the disease too often become the only definition of “normal” the ADD sufferer knows. It is especially bewildering for someone battling both addiction and ADD. This issue of STEPS addresses adult ADD, its impact on life, its interaction with addiction and the hope for recovery that is available.

Having intimately known preoccupation, distractibility and unmanageability, I found it necessary to begin addressing these issues in my own life. I experienced the thought that I might have ADD as nothing more than a friendly way to poke fun at my foibles, until a medical doctor friend gave me a copy of Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey.1 She suggested I look closely at the possibility that ADD is a very real part of my life. I read the book and experienced an old familiar feeling that the authors knew me far too well.

I’m not far enough along in understanding ADD to conclusively make my own “professional” diagnosis of myself. Though the authors warn against such self-diagnosis, they do list characteristics, describe real-life ADD stories and hold up the mirror for such evaluation. So far, lousy medical insurance, not enough time in the day, and the central importance of working my addiction program have been my excuses for avoiding professional help about this matter.

So why am I prematurely telling on myself? I’m doing it because even my initial examination of adult ADD has been personally enlightening and encouraging. Perhaps you can identify with and be helped by my early musings on this issue.

I started reading Driven to Distraction on an airplane. I was less than ten pages into it when the young professional sitting next to me pointed at the book and casually asked if I were a doctor or “one of them.” The two options he gave me felt a bit confining, but I answered honestly, “I’m not a doctor, but a doctor thinks I might be ‘one of them.’” I was immediately aware of the feelings inside me. Shame and a tinge of anger emerged with the “one of them” comment. How could this be? Me feeling more shame? I’ve been working on shame reduction for a long time. Enough already!

With addictions or ADD there is always the accompanying self-perpetuating shame. I get weary, full-of-shame weary, about the possibility of carrying one more label, admitting to one more dysfunction, working with one more problem. Do I really have to recover from everything ever invented in the history of humankind? I suspect this shame is one of the reasons I haven’t yet made the appointment with a professional.

It’s strange, though, that in telling you the truth about my embryonic journey toward a possible ADD diagnosis, I feel the shame being reduced a bit. It works that way with addictions, too. Telling the truth reduces the shame. Reading more has helped me as well. I learned that bright, competent, creative, wonderful people wrestle with ADD. In addition, I was helped by another discovery on the plane. I discovered that although my fellow passenger was a psychiatrist, even he couldn’t tell whether I was a doctor or someone with ADD. I was relieved to realize that ADD may not be obvious, even to those trained to recognize it.

Shame is powerfully enslaving. We must not let it block us from the help we need. If we are wrestling with ADD, there is no shame. Just reality.

I’ve been feeling some renewed hope about possibly having ADD. If I am “one of them,” the diagnosis explains for me and others in my life what is real, what I am really up against. That knowledge and my appropriate responses could enable me to get beyond some of the mysterious maladies I’ve wrestled with. Realizing this gives me hope. And hope spawns other advances.

Also emerging early in this journey is a renewed interest in structuring my life. I don’t find it as scary or as discouraging as I did a few months ago to think about planning, scheduling, and working a program of structured recovery. It is somehow friendlier to invite discipline into the unmanaged portions of my life. For me this is a breakthrough.

Without even being diagnosed, I am dealing once again with shame. And yet I am gaining some hope and creating necessary structure in my life. Not bad. When—not if—I obtain a competent professional evaluation, the work will not be over. I will have certain tasks to do even if medication is prescribed. Keeping hope alive, creating innovative personal structure and reducing shame are likely to be lifelong tasks for each of us in recovery from addiction, ADD or both.

What if a skilled professional says I am not suffering from ADD? If that’s true, then I am just a recovering addict learning to trust his Higher Power. One who has more compassion for and understanding of the powerful and baffling disease of adult ADD. One with more hope, more structure and less shame than I had before.:281:

1 Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey (Simon & Schuster, 1995).

[saved1]

by Carmen Renee Berry

Bruce stared out the window, blind to the view in front of him. All he could see was the blisteringly clear scene in his mind of a woman’s hands touching him, caressing him, molesting him. For years, a blurry image of these hands had come to him in the form of a repetitive nightmare.

But he had always been jarred awake before he could see the face attached to those intrusive hands. Last night was different. Last night he awoke from the nightmare knowing who exactly this woman was. Bruce cried in the darkness, "How could my mother have done that to me?" :frown:

"I knew the moment I saw that guy he wasn’t good for you, Jill," her friend’s voice bounced out of the phone receiver, cutting into her heart. "The signs were all there, the slick charm, the swagger, the pieces that didn’t add up. I say good riddance. You’re too good for him anyway. Who needs men, right Jill? Jill?. . .Are you still on the line?" Dan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. "I think my wife heard it from Margaret" one of the assistant pastors informed him. "But how?" was all Dan could say. Dan’s face and hands tingled as he realized that George, Margaret’s husband, had violated his confidence. "I trusted George," Dan whispered. "I thought I could confide in him." :sad:

In the past several months, I have suffered the searing pain of betrayal. Some days I hurt so intensely, I could only visit the truth for short periods of time. Unable to find a comfortable resting place, I rotated through feelings of embarrassment, disbelief, self-doubt, rage, loss and sadness. My body mirrored the emotional suffering by contracting flues and infections. Sick in body and spirit, I rolled myself up in blankets on the couch, not letting even God comfort me. "Why didn’t you warn me?" I asked God in anger, unwilling to listen to the answer. Betrayal is a form of death that can reach down and shake our hold on reality. We often respond to betrayal as we do to the death of a loved one, with shock and disbelief, tears and grieving, anger and despair. Questions fill our minds: Why didn’t I see this coming? What did I do to deserve this? How can I face the loss? Why didn’t God protect me? :251:

Why Didn’t I See This Coming?

Why don’t we see betrayal before it happens? The answer is simple: we aren’t looking. Dangerous people arouse our suspicion. We keep our vulnerabilities covered, our radar alert for warning signs, and make sure we know the location of the nearest exit door. But we do none of these things with someone we trust. That is the great thing about trusting someone – we don’t have to be on our guard. So there we are, relaxed, at ease, and unprotected when the horrible surprise occurs. A wife finds a receipt in her husband’s coat pocket and realizes he’s having an affair; a business partner reviews the accounting and finds funds missing; a young woman excitedly says yes to a date with a man she admires, only having the evening end in rape; a son finds a bottle of gin hidden in his father’s desk after being assured his dad is sober. Betrayal is hurt that comes in many forms – a promise broken, a confidence violated, a boundary crossed, a lie exposed. Being hurt by anyone is painful. But when we are hurt by someone we love and trust, the pain seems more intense because it takes us by surprise.
We are hurt when we least expect it by those we rely on to be on our side. :confused:

What Did I Do to Deserve This?

When we’re hurt, it is natural to look for someone to blame. If you’re like me, my first response is to blame myself. I say things to myself like, "If I were stronger, I wouldn’t get hurt" or "See what a failure I am? I get what I deserve." After pounding myself to a pulp, I often swing to the other extreme and blame the person who hurt me. "She is insensitive. It’s all her fault" or "He’s cruel and self-centered. He is totally to blame for this mess." Blaming ourselves or others is a trap which keeps us from healing by consuming our energy in ill-defined accusations and overstating the negative. Blame makes reconciliation impossible. However, when we hold ourselves and others accountable for specific behavior, we can be clear about the hurtful actions, recognize what can be learned from the situation, and identify what steps can be taken to make amends. When we hold others responsible for what they have done, rather than blame them for all of our self-doubting feelings, we re-instate confidence in ourselves. We can begin to heal our damaged self-esteem and our trust in others. :282:

How Can I Face the Loss?

Betrayal signifies loss – loss of trust, loss of safety, loss of predictability, and maybe even loss of a relationship. The grief can seem overwhelming. I’ve found that grieving the losses of betrayal are often compounded by the reactions of my friends. Angry of my behalf, I’ve had many well-intentioned friends try to keep me from feeling sad by pressing me to "not care" anymore. People have said things to me like, "Who needs someone like that in your life? Just forget about it and go on" or "Are you still sad about this situation? Why don’t you go out and meet someone new?" While the intention is kind, these statements further alienate the person who grieves. Whether the betrayal happened yesterday or in childhood, loss is involved and grieving is a necessary part of healing. Recovery from betrayal can not be rushed by pretending it doesn’t hurt or by diminishing the importance of the person you once trusted. Grief takes time and sets its own pace. It’s important to take all the time you need to let the healing be complete. :15:

Why Didn’t God Warn Me?

Perhaps the most disconcerting consequence of betrayal is the spiritual wound that can result. My relationship with God suffered a serious blow from my recent experience of betrayal. I was angry that God hadn’t warned me or given me additional insight so that the ordeal could be avoided. I not only felt betrayed by a trusted friend, I felt betrayed by God as well. I raged against God with accusations and blame. Tears flowed but I refused God’s comfort. I yelled, I cried, I criticized and I pontificated. And through the entire process, God loved me and listened and waited until I could once again hear God’s comforting voice. Throughout this difficult experience, God has been a constant companion. I still wish God had spared me from this experience altogether. I doubt I’ll ever be "glad" it happened. But I have learned a great deal about myself, about the frailties of other people and how to be more discerning in my expectations of relationships. :42:
Most of all, I’ve learned that God is faithful.

Trusting Again

The only sure-fire way to avoid betrayal is to refuse to care about or trust anyone ever again. This path may seem wise when the pain is the most intense, but it is not a long term solution.
God’s love for us is the foundation upon which we can rebuild what is lost through betrayal – a sense of safety, the ability to trust, a willingness to risk, and vulnerability to life’s important, though sometimes painful, lessons. Regardless of the risks, love draws us back to try again. :4Comfort:

[saved1]

Just the way you are - Billy Joel Lyrics - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfoNGekrv3I)

I may never know the answers to the questions that plagued me.
But I know if we lean on God and each other, we will be guided ... to a better, brighter future.:D

—Michael Hingson

[dwmoeller]

Negative Versus Positive Thinking


Thanks for sharing. Becoming a more positive person and replacing negative thoughts with Positive thoughts is something that I am constantly working on. I have come a long way in the last 10 months, but still am a work in process.

[saved1]

May you remember that though the roads we take can sometimes be difficult, those are often the ones that lead to the most beautiful views.:D
—Doris Dillon

[saved1]

Fear will always knock on your door. Just don't invite it in for dinner. And for heaven's sake, don't offer it a bed for the night. :cool:

—Max Lucado, Imagine Your Life Without Fear

[saved1]

”It is not the criminal things that are hardest to confess,
but the ridiculous and the shameful.” :rolleyes:
Jean Jacques Rousseau


I had a very strange childhood filled with lots of emotional and physical neglect. Combine that with moving about once a year and being deemed as "unacceptable" by each new community we moved into, and how could I help but feel a great sense of shame about everything about me? :sad:

As an adult I left home and became a well-respected part of a new community. I have lived in the same nice house, with a beautiful yard, and had well kept-children. In spite of all the evidence to the contrary, internally I was still that "unacceptable" child. I had not told anyone about my childhood because I felt it to be a shameful secret. I thought that much of my adult unhappiness was deserved because I truly believed that even though no one knew the truth about me, deep down I really was still unacceptable. :confused:

Since coming to TRG, I have been releasing something far more important than the 60 pounds of weight I have lost. I have begun to release the shame, the sense of being unacceptable, and the sense of being unworthy and unlovable. I have shared my secrets with wonderfully-loving, accepting people. By sharing my secrets I am releasing my pain. My request that my name not be revealed at the end of this meditation, though, clearly states that I still have work to do. TRG, the program, and the steps are offering me the means to recovery and I will gratefully accept the offer! :87:

One day at a time...
I will remember that the old false self-perceptions are no longer relevant in my life. I am learning new ways of self-acceptance and new ways of self-nurturing that will serve me far better. :1:
~ Karen A.

[saved1]

With many American facing hardships due to the economic downturn over the past three years, National Depression Screening Day events hope to increase awareness of the risks of developing depression and where to find help if you do. You can check online to see if there is a anonymous screening event in your area, today October 6, or you can take this online Depression Symptom Test to see if you are at risk. National Depression Screening Day events are planned by Screening for Mental Health, Inc.

http://alcoholism.about.com/b/2011/10/06/national-depression-screening-day.htm?nl=1

[Pythonpappy]

With many American facing hardships due to the economic downturn over the past three years, National Depression Screening Day events hope to increase awareness of the risks of developing depression and where to find help if you do. You can check online to see if there is a anonymous screening event in your area, today October 6, or you can take this online Depression Symptom Test to see if you are at risk. National Depression Screening Day events are planned by Screening for Mental Health, Inc.

http://alcoholism.about.com/b/2011/10/06/national-depression-screening-day.htm?nl=1

I've come to believe that 'depression' is simply a by-product of loosing my 'conscious contact' with God ... (nothing more, nothing less)

When I maintain my daily contact with God and let Him have any, and all, issues that are of concern to me, then I feel confident of His handling of the circumstances ... As long as we maintain our faith, why on earth would we insist on putting ourselves through a state of depression?

I used to make 'mountains' out of 'mole hills' ... I choose not to do that today and rather 'Let Go' and 'Let God' ...

"Do or Do Not --- There is No Try" -Yoda

Love you and God Bless,:42:
Pythonpappy

[marlene damore]

Depression is as real a disease as alcoholism. Thank God for AA where I learned that we are not doctors. And not only does AA recognize that many of us suffer from mental disorders but AA recognizes that many of us seek outside help to go to any length for our recovery. God put another AA'er in my life to give me that message and God directed me to a Doctor. Thank God for AA who has gone before us to lay out that message that many of us suffer from other afflictions warranting outside help.

[Pythonpappy]

Depression is as real a disease as alcoholism. Thank God for AA where I learned that we are not doctors. And not only does AA recognize that many of us suffer from mental disorders but AA recognizes that many of us seek outside help to go to any length for our recovery. God put another AA'er in my life to give me that message and God directed me to a Doctor. Thank God for AA who has gone before us to lay out that message that many of us suffer from other afflictions warranting outside help.

Hey Marlene, ... I agree 'depression' is a real disease just as is 'alcoholism' ... I also happen to believe it can vanish just like the desire to drink, IF, we maintain our spiritual condition to a level it should be ...

I know there are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover IF they have the capacity to be HONEST ...

The only ones who do not recover from such maladys are those who have been born that way ... like my oldest son, they have a physical malformation in the brain and do not possess the capacity to evaluate the differences between 'right and wrong' ... Living life on life's terms is something they cannot comprehend ... (I know, there are those with greater or lesser degrees of born dissabilities) ...

It boils down to this, do I make excuses for jumping on my pity-pot because, for some sadistic reason, I want to be there? ... Does being depressed fill a void in me by some wild stretch of the imagination? ... I'm not so sure! ... I am being serious, I used to get some kind of demonic pleasure out of depression, feeling sorry for myself ... our AA program made all that go away ... Now I know how really sick I was ...

Great topic ... deep topic


Love Ya and God Bless,:42:
Pappy

[MajestyJo]

There is depression and 'depression' which is a chemical imbalance. Depression is part of the grief we experience when we come into recovery. People go to the doctor, he doles out pills, the people, often women, go back out to get thin. It was a good indicator for me that I shouldn't be on it. It was Amytripoline (not sure of spelling), I didn't go out and use but I sure stopped taking them. It was to help with my fibromyalgia. The Cymbalta that I am on is an anti-depressant as well medication for the Neuropathy in my feet caused by my Type 2 Diabetes. If I had gained weight takingit, I would have stopped, even with no pain. It wouldn't have been up for discussion. My mother died at the age of 40 because she used food to deal with her emotions.

We grieve our best friend, our drug of choice. It is a process and takes a while. That is why it is important to have a sponsor, someone who has done the steps his/herself and gone through the phases of recovery and can identify them. It isn't all about just putting a plug in the jug or putting the pipe down or pushing away from the table. It is about learning to handle life on life's terms without the use of drugs.

Medication for depression isn't mood altering. I found when I took anti-depressants, they changed my mood. That was a good indicator for me, that I didn't need the medication at the time. I am taking them now for sleep and the fibromyalgia. If I couldn't have played bridge the other night, I would have stopped taking them. The other medication, that I came off of - Gabapentin was mood altering. My bridge game was not up to par and my friend told me she thought it was my medication.

Many doctor's don't know about the grieving process and misdiagnose the depression. Some don't know about alcoholism and addiction, and unless you are honest with your doctor, they can mistreat your symptoms.

I know what you mean about connection to a Higher Power and working the program daily. When I go through winter depression, and the loss of my son when he moved, I don't think I would have made it through without my God and the people on the recovery boards.

[Pythonpappy]

There is depression and 'depression' which is a chemical imbalance. Depression is part of the grief we experience when we come into recovery. People go to the doctor, he doles out pills, the people, often women, go back out to get thin. It was a good indicator for me that I shouldn't be on it. It was Amytripoline (not sure of spelling), I didn't go out and use but I sure stopped taking them. It was to help with my fibromyalgia. The Cymbalta that I am on is an anti-depressant as well medication for the Neuropathy in my feet caused by my Type 2 Diabetes. If I had gained weight takingit, I would have stopped, even with no pain. It wouldn't have been up for discussion. My mother died at the age of 40 because she used food to deal with her emotions.

We grieve our best friend, our drug of choice. It is a process and takes a while. That is why it is important to have a sponsor, someone who has done the steps his/herself and gone through the phases of recovery and can identify them. It isn't all about just putting a plug in the jug or putting the pipe down or pushing away from the table. It is about learning to handle life on life's terms without the use of drugs.


Medication for depression isn't mood altering. I found when I took anti-depressants, they changed my mood. That was a good indicator for me, that I didn't need the medication at the time. I am taking them now for sleep and the fibromyalgia. If I couldn't have played bridge the other night, I would have stopped taking them. The other medication, that I came off of - Gabapentin was mood altering. My bridge game was not up to par and my friend told me she thought it was my medication.

Many doctor's don't know about the grieving process and misdiagnose the depression. Some don't know about alcoholism and addiction, and unless you are honest with your doctor, they can mistreat your symptoms.

I know what you mean about connection to a Higher Power and working the program daily. When I go through winter depression, and the loss of my son when he moved, I don't think I would have made it through without my God and the people on the recovery boards.

Hey JoJo, ... Okay, I agree there different kinds, or perhaps causes, of depression ... I think my depressive periods, mostly while drinking, stemmed from guilt(which I think 'Saved1' alluded to) over what I didn't accomplish during my drinking years ... or the responsibilities I failed to tend to ... and for a while this continued when I got sober ...

I guess you're right about 'grief' being a cause as well ... 'cause I was not a 'happy camper' when I first learned that alcohol needed to be gone forever, but realized of course I could not miss it that much if I just looked at 'not' drinking TODAY ...

I went to a doctor for depression prior to going to AA and got all the pills I wanted ... I became so 'happy' that I thought, what the heck, a few beers with this stuff would work wonders ... Today though, my whole attitude and outlook on things is different ...

I know there are certain medical conditions that require medicine and drugs to cope with an ailment ... But I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we have typically come to rely on a pill to take care of everything, instead of even trying to turn some of this stuff over to God ... or rather to improve our spiritual plane of understanding to the level of which can heal us of many ills ...

I constantly get 'spam' for pills that promise to make my 'man-hood' grow to be a giant ... and the 'viagra' spam is non-stop ... and even if I didn't have a problem to start with, they try to make you feel there's something lacking if you don't take their pills ... and so it is with hundreds of other drugs and pills to help you get to where you want to be ... (It's really only helping the makers of this stuff to get to where they want to be, rich)

You said, "Medication for depression isn't mood altering. I found when I took anti-depressants, they changed my mood." ... I ain't sure I understand your point ...

All I can relate to is my first hand knowledge of the drugs I was prescribed and after working the steps and applying the principles of AA's program to all my activities, I found it unnecessary to continues to use those drugs, period ... And my colestorol is down, my blood pressure is down, I sleep like a baby, I have more energy, and depression hasn't seen fit to visit me in a long, long time ... And my 'gratitude' list continues to grow by the day ...


God Bless you,:42:
Pappy

P.S. Did you see the Turkey recipe I sent to you?

[saved1]

Gossip, Rumors, and Smear Campaigns.
Release from Deception by Francesco Queirolo

Slander, scandal,
sugar and spite,
Right is wronged and black cast white

Rumors, renouncing,
aspersions and slights,
Devouring her prey in perfidious bites

Women gossip. Even men gossip, though they pretend they’re newscasters passing on information and facts. This is how my parents separate men’s gossip from women’s gossip but basically, people talk. And that IS a fact. People are interested in what other folks are doing, comparing themselves to one another. Social research even suggests that gossip is healthy and natural, that it is a means to establishing rights and wrongs for communal living. Behavior that has negative impact on a community’s safety is outed and spouted from one whisperer to the next.

Gossip is a way to create closeness between friends as two people intimate to one another that they share similar perceptions (and limits on unacceptable behavior). “Oh by the way, what do you think of so-and-so? Well, I'm glad you said that 'cuz I can't stand people who talk all the time either!”

Gossip teaches us as much about what not to do as what we should do. When someone is gossiped about, they become a living example of mistakes we need to avoid if we’re going to fit in. We learn the rules of community, we form alliances through intimate discussions about people who don’t play by the rules, or think they make up rules for everyone else. Gossip can also reveal players, users, hypocrites, cheaters and liars. This way, everyone knows to steer clear, or at least remain cautious around people who have proven themselves untrustworthy 'cuz they steal your money and your heart. If you’re foolish enough to dismiss community gossip because you know that person better than everyone else and gee, they’d never take advantage of you like they did all those ‘other folks’, the next bout of gossip in the coffee shop will be about your disregard for your social warnings.

In a way, gossip can be a means to self-moderation and healthier integration with people who share similar values and restraints. Knowing people will gossip about your behavior may moderate impulses---keeping your ego in check and increasing pro-social behavior. Still, most people hesitate saying anything bad about another person because we know “people in glass houses ought never throw stones.” Which reminds me of a very strange joke click here, but I won’t interrupt my train of thought in the retelling right now; otherwise, we’ll all get lost on the point, including myself. Which also reminds me how hard it is to keep my mind focused now that I’m over fifty which is neither here nor there really though it came to mind as a way to explain how a woman can start typing and forget what she was typing about by the time she’s writing the third paragraph.

O yes. This is my point: Gossip may reduce anxiety and stress when we ask another person if they had a similar experience with So-and-So. Research tells us that we gossip about 65% of the time, what we usually call chit-chat. That’s a lot of gossiping going on and everybody does it though rare it is for someone to admit enjoying a bit of tattling now and then! Gossip might also be validating to someone who is being hurt or bullied. Talking about, breaking the silence, and telling on someone can reassure us that our perceptions aren’t inaccurate because other folks have the same perception based on similar experiences with this person. Gossip, in other words, has pro-social value. Inclusive value. Ways to prevent the isolation people feel when a bully-type person manipulates, uses, abuses and isolates their prey (who more than likely, feels bad about saying anything bad…even when it’s true.)

Gossip may be useful, even instructive;
but sharing gossip is not the same thing as spreading rumors

Rumor does not have a pro-social value. At least in my definition. Rumor is intentionally malicious and socially destructive; both for the rumormonger and the listener. Critical think is bypassed; emotional reasoning prevails. Facts are dismissed when the juice of the rumor is emotionally satisfying, especially when it targets someone who for all intents and purposes, is a very good person. There’s nothing quite as delicious as destroying someone’s character if they threaten our sense of self.

“Well, here’s a little rumor I heard about that uppity woman, though I don’t have any proof. But where a rumor is, there’s sure to be truth,” people whisper to one another, forming an alliance with the very worst parts of themselves. The more uncertainty there is in our lives and the more insecure we feel, the more likely rumors will spread like wildfire. Cyberspace is the perfect place for malicious people to play Whisper Down the Lane Games.

Bystanders and Onlookers

It’s awful to admit but there’s probably not anyone on this earth who hasn’t used rumor as a means to feel superior at some low point in their lives. In fact, the worse you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to tear other people down in order to feel better! Sometimes feeling better about ourselves means destroying another person so there’s nothing left to envy, and then whomever we perceived as superior to us, no longer is.

Spreading rumors is the ugly result of comparing ourselves to others and coming up short.

Joining the rumor mill is such a delicious self-deception that we go to amazing lengths defending our complicity. When rumor replaces critical think, we participate in mendacity ever bit as much as the originator of the rumor. We embrace envy with open arms especially when we’re insecure. When there is nothing left to envy because we have shredded someone’s character, we falsely empower ourselves in the pleasure of destruction.

Since people gossip as part of our social natures, it’s important to recognize the tempting trap of empowering ourselves by illegitimately dis-empowering others.

Malicious Rumormongers

Rumormongers depend on listeners to do their dirty work for them. They start the lie, they tell it to people they know will listen and those listeners pass it on, all in the guise of innocent gossip. What's important to know is that the rumormonger:

1-exploits listeners' emotions and sentiments

2-justifies suppressed hatreds, fears or desires

3-cannot verify allegations

4-is unwilling to confront the 'target' of the rumor

5-tells a plausible story that is easy to remember

6-keeps the rumor simple by omitting important facts

When we listen to rumormongers, the alliance is other-and-self destructive. Why? Because with the exception of pathological personalities, most people reproach themselves afterwards. For them, spreading malicious rumors is ego-dystonic. In other words, lying contradicts their values, morals, and internalized principles, so they feel lousy about themselves and their self-esteem takes a nosedive. For the originator of a malicious rumor however, they do not feel bad about their behavior. They are ego-syntonic with lying, destruction, even deriving sadistic pleasure from destroying a good person’s character.

Smear Campaigns

A smear campaign is an attempt to malign someone’s character, credibility and reputation based on lies, half-truths and malicious rumors. Cluster B personality-types distort facts with twisted conclusions, perceiving themselves as victims, seduce listeners with faked intimacy by sharing secrets. AND, they are highly persuasive. So persuasive in fact that they convince both themselves and others that their rumor is true.

What has fascinated me about Smear Campaigns is people’s willingness to suspend disbelief. People silence their conscience and their intuition if the rumor is sufficiently tantalizing. Intuition takes a back seat when ego empowers itself through the spreading of lies. So an offensive tactic of the narcissist is to use smear campaigns to malign, discredit, and reduce targets to inferior beings---to strip them of power by derogating their character. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed ‘foe’. Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where narcissists like them to be: Damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don't.

This process is never accomplished by a single person, though. Smear Campaigns require a mob to finish the job the rumormonger started and just like chickens in a coop, one hen is singled out and the others peck her to death. The originator, who selected the target for destruction, can sit back and enjoy the show while other hens commit an atrocity.

What Do We Do?

When this happened to me, I was stunned. It didn’t make sense and I defended myself, which as we all know, makes a person look guilty. The advice we’re told is that you don’t have to defend yourself if you aren’t guilty so that means anyone who argues against rumor must have something to cover up. Saying someone ‘doth protest too much’ is a silly folk wisdom and one that is pretty much unbelievable to me but whether people have drawn silly conclusions or not, it’s what they think and therefore important to know.

What stunned me most of all was that people were willing to believe rumors, despite what they’d witnessed with their own eyes. Or believe I was this or that and the other because so-and-so had told them so. I was hurt and sad and defenseless. Nothing like this had ever happened and I had no clue how to get through it without giving up on cyberspace and crawling back to my kitchen which of course, is what the rumormonger had intended all along. This is what I finally concluded and it pains me to write it even now:

People believe what they WANT to believe. Even friends and family pretty much believe what they WANT to believe and you can’t convince them otherwise if they want to believe you are as awful as someone told them you were.

I finally learned that nasty folks enjoy destroying other people’s reputations and undermining their credibility. The better someone's reputation may be, the more amusing the tumble from grace. In the pathological person’s mind, “No Good Deed goes Unpunished” and if you don’t believe me, just watch what happens when you crawl out of the proverbial crab barrel and try to be as good as you really are.

What do we do if we're the target audience...or the target?

A lot of people say: “Don’t dignify a rumor with a response.” This bit of folk wisdom is bad advice because an undisputed rumor flourishes unabated. In a group situation, most people react by withdrawing, pretending they aren’t listening, or silencing themselves. Say something. Ask questions. You might even say, “Stop. I will not listen to your toxic bull****e.” (It’s doubtful most of us will take that stance, but be aware that as long as you say nothing, you are assumed to be in agreement. ) Narcissists are adept at twisting the situation, which means you are complicit because you said nothing. You may even discover afterwards that the narcissist's mean and nasty comments were attributed to you. And who will people believe then? Your defensive self---or the persuasive narcissist?

Rumor mongers dislike confrontation which is why they're reluctant to approach the ‘target’ directly. Tell the rumor-monger you are a peacemaker and you love keeping friends together, not apart. Tell her you’re willing to be the mediator and open a new dialog. Start texting the target while the rumor-monger gulps for air.

Ask for facts, not interpretation. Assess the facts and use critical thinking, not emotional justification.

Ask the rumor monger: “When I am not here, do you disparage me?" Whether you are conscious of that thought or not, it IS in the back of your mind! This is how people are divided against each other as rumors drive wedges between groups, neighborhoods, workplaces, and even families.

Ask the rumor-monger: "Why do you want to believe that?"

Don’t protect the rumor-monger’s anonymity. This is not ‘affiliation' with one another, it’s akin to trauma bonding. Why? Because it’s painful admitting our cowardice or our complicity. And once you’re in, it’s hard to get out. You find yourself caught in a sticky web having strung a few gossamer strings yourself. As the theory of cognitive dissonance suggests: human beings are adept at self-deception, justifying our behavior as right, even when we’re wrong. Better to face the situation immediately than to stay awake all night because your conscience won't let you sleep. When you wake up at three-in-the-morning feeling chagrined, hold on to your sheepish feelings and promise to do better. Make sure you don't lie to yourself to avoid feeling guilty.

The key to restoring self-worth is taking responsibility for our mistakes and changing our behavior. No one is immune to tearing someone down to build him or herself up occasionally, so we need to be wise about Smear Campaigns and avoid passing the malice forward. Be the best person you can be without tearing people down to inflate your self-esteem. Ask yourself when you're reflecting on a rumor: "Why do I ‘Want’ to believe this?" and then hang on to your self-worth when the answers blow holes in your defenses.

Hugs,
CZ (SHARE):281:

Resources
Introduction by Sally Wert and Peter Salovey
A Social Comparison Account of Gossip by Sarah R. Wert and Peter Salovey
Research on Gossip: Taxonomy, Methods, and Future Directions by Eric K. Foster
Rumor and Gossip by Ralph Rosnow and Eric Foster
2083

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[saved1]

The following associations of Christian therapists may be useful sources of referrals:

American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)
2421 W. Pratt #1398
Chicago, IL 60645
800-526-8673

American Association of Pastoral Counselors (AAPC)
9504 A Lee Highway
Fairfax, VA 22031-2303
703-385-6967

Association of Christian Therapists (ACT)
14440 Cherry Lane Court #215
Laurel, MD 10707
301-470-ACTS

Christian Association for Psycholgical Studies (CAPS)
PO Box 310400
New Braunfels, TX 78131-0400
210-629-2277

Selecting a therapist can be one of the most important decisions you will make during your recovery journey. A therapist can lead you through discovering and healing the deepest pain you have experienced. This is a delicate, yet powerful process. Selecting a companion for this healing process is a significant decision, one that is worthy of thoughtful and prayerful consideration. It is important that the therapist we chose understand and, hopefully, be a step or two ahead of us on his or her own recovery journey.

Many people assume that all therapists have an understanding of the Twelve Steps or of the recovery process. While many do, it’s important to recognize that the mental health field includes many diverse methods and theories used to approach the same problems. Not all therapists adhere to the principles which we have come to realize are important in our own recovery. It is important to find a therapist with whom you feel spiritually compatible and who has a working knowledge of the issues which are central to our journey. The following may help you think through what you are looking for in a therapist:

How do I begin?

If possible, get recommendations from a variety of sources. You may develop a list of possibilities by looking through this directory, by asking friends for names of therapists they have found to be helpful, or by contacting churches or recovery programs for referrals. It’s a good idea to interview several therapists – most will be happy to do a short phone interview with you at no charge.

Is it important that a therapist be licensed?

When your first contact a therapist, ask about licensure. The appropriate state license or certification is a basic necessity. A licensed therapist has the education and training that meet established requirement and he or she has successfully passed an examination in their field. Some therapists are considered to be "interns" which means he or she is in the process of gaining a clinical license. Interns are able to legally provide therapy under supervision of a licensed therapist.

How do I know if a therapist has experience working with my particular issues?

When you make your first phone contact, describe your specific issues and ask if he or she has had experience with this area in the past. Competent therapists realize that you are hiring them to do an important job, and will welcome your inquiries.

How do I chose one therapist over another?

During an initial session, you will have an opportunity to ask questions in more detail. Feel free to ask anything that you feel is necessary for you to feel comfortable with the therapist. Incomplete or confusing answers may indicate that this therapist will not be helpful to you. Remember you don’t need a perfect therapist – a consistently adequate one will be able to support you on the journey.

How do I know I can trust this person?

Trust is a difficult issue for most of us in recovery. You have the right to feel reasonably comfortable with the therapist you choose. However, a sense of anxiety or discomfort is common when starting any new relationship. Meeting with someone else to talk about painful issues will not be easy. Only you can decide if your sense of discomfort is because of the challenge of therapy or because you are sensing that this particular therapist is not appropriate for you.

Is therapy really worth it?

The point is, you are worth it. Your recovery journey will not be easy. It may be costly both financially and emotionally, but your healing is worth a lot! Therapy can be an invaluable ingredient in the recovery process.

How do I know if it’s working?

Most of us have times when we struggle with this. Because recovery involves change and change is disorienting – it can be confusing. You can’t tell it’s working just by asking "Is the pain going away?" because you may experience the process itself as painful – afterall you may be looking at stuff you’ve been avoiding for a long time. So, it’s not very helpful to ask: "Do I feel better?" It is, however, fair to ask "Does the pain feel more organized, more structured?" or "Do I have ‘handles’ on the problems that I didn’t have before" or "Do I feel less stuck?" You can talk with your therapist about these questions. You can talk to friends about these questions. You can get second opinions. You are responsible for your recovery – so be a wise consumer, make sure you get the help you need. :1:

[saved1]

by J.M. Mendoza © (SHARE) :281:

My Spiritual Stories

There was a time when I was nine or ten and I used to sit in the backyard
soaking up the late morning sun, reveling in the sensation of warmth that
seemed to melt the boundaries of my being.
There in the sun I became the warmth that extended into infinity.
Closing my eyes, I would hear the insistent sound of traffic roaring all
around me. A small, quiet voice, amidst the din told me to listen for the
silence behind all sound. At first I struggled to hear that silence, but that
only seemed to make the cacophony more prominent.
But when I relaxed and let the noise be what it was, I entered that place where a moment is an eternity and that space where all sounds come from.
It was as if I stepped into the gap of the world and found it full of the entire universe. It was a timeless, boundless, peaceful place. But it seemed to only last a few seconds before I would find myself back in my backyard, fifty yards from a major freeway, sitting in the sun, in my sun-drenched body. And yet when I returned to the world full of sound it didn't seem so annoying, it didn't seem invasive at all. It was as if I had stood at the mountaintop and seen the small place of my life while a greater, grander world surrounded me. Some of that peace, some of that perspective had stayed with me and I knew that there was a much bigger place where life existed. And, more importantly, I could go to.
It was many years later, when I was in college that I came across the
story of the Chinese sage Chang Tzu. His teacher had instructed him to sit by the river and watch it until it stopped. After many attempts over hours and days, Chang Tzu, like me, was able to let the river be what it was and in
that moment the river stopped and the world flowed.
I had heard what Chang Tzu saw: “It is not the flag that moves in the
wind, but Mind.”

2132

[brinah]

....cause I don't think I can fall from the floor. ... can I?

[MajestyJo]

Found I could fall over. Although, found I had true strength when I sent out knee-mail, I was able to stand up and move in the direction I needed to go for today.