Making My Own Misery....

[samf]

"We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears,
though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we
made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the
deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully
capitalize it as an opportunity to demonstrate His omnipotence. "

~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, The Family Afterward, pg. 133~
-----
Some of the ways I've made things worse in my own mind is by blowing up thier importance. I projected negative outcomes into the far future, and that depressed me, or I'd get ticked off because things seem so unfair (poor baby!), and THAT depressed me.

Always was a good reason to take a drink.

Sometimes I'd take something someone said personally, and then I'd get offended. I used to drink at them, and plot how to get even. In the meantime, they were sound asleep and doing just fine. I was the miserable one.

Those are a couple of examples I could think of. Even without the drink or a drug, my thinking could be the same, and I had to learn how to live differently and think differently.

Just some thoughts. Anyone else do things that made things worse, or make thier own misery?

Sam

[angussdundee]

Now that we're sober and getting on with our recovery, we have the power to turn negatives into positives.
We have the power to turn the negative things into the best things that ever happened to us, just like when we admitted we were alcoholics and we were powerless over alcohol - all sorts of amazing thing started to happen to us.
When we focus our eyes on the bright side we can turn a low valley into a very high peak!

Great post Sam, thanks for being here.

Anguss.

[samf]

Anguss...always grateful you are here! Sending a hug!

[junebuglyd]

I have had a year and a half of making my own misery by the choices I made and the drinking that went along with it. I am now tying to regain my balance and pick up the pieces of my life as a result of the damage made.... I found this thismorning during my "start my day the right way meditation":
" We need to believe that there can be good things in life for us. We too can be encouraged that regardless of the failures in our family & our past, we can start again. We can find our way, out of the chaos of the wilderness, into the Promised Land odf Sane & Healthy Living."

[samf]

Thank you, junebuglyd. That is really encouraging! Glad you are here!

Sam

[new2sobriety]

Thank You SamF

You nailed it for me; they were sound asleep and doing just fine. I was the miserable one.

It is amazing how many traits we all have, and sharing it with others often hits us between the eyes. I spent many nights last week with "Stinking Thinking" about many issues at work. It made me even more mad when I realized I was the only one feeling this. In the OLD Days -A WHOLE 87 days AGO! I would have drank or something else to numb the thoughts and get some sleep. Because of the lack of sleep my mind went into what I like to call Perpetual Motion! It goes on its own! I just ride along :)

When I get like this I have found there are answers out there if I am a good Student! Becoming a Student of others has trained me there are many teachers if you are ready to listen.

You are now one of my teachers and I THANK YOU for these small words that mean so much to me. I replace these words with the noise and there is a calming I have never had before.

Again THANK!!!

[samf]

Thank you for telling me. Someone told me the same thing, once, too...nothing I came up with, on my own.

I used to would have drank, too...it's got to be an HP thing, for me...I never could have ever got sober on my own strength.

Congradulations on 87 days, too!!

[new2sobriety]

Being new to this I really want to thank everyone for their input on the "Stinking Thinking".

One example of what I did to overcome how mad I was at this individual was that I "Made him a birthday Cake". Couldn't believe I did it. I was so mad at him that I couldn't sleep. His birthday was coming up so I got up and made a cake for him. Possibly it was a little minipulation, but I truely felt better afterwords.

I am not reallly too sure if this was the correct thing to do, but "Purity of Intent" is something that always is on my mind to help correct the bad things from occuping my mind. Everyone at work knew about the disagreement we were having and everyone asked me "What did you put in the cake!!!" Don't think I didn't think about it :)))

[junebuglyd]

Thank you angussdundee for sharing "Now that we are sober getting on w/our recovery we have the power to turn negatives into positives.When we focus our eyes on the bright side we can turn a low valley into a high peak."
I am doing that as we speak, new to sobriety and going threw the motions of understanding that hitting my bottom might be the best thing that could of happened to me. In losing all I have a purpose greater than taking a drink. For the 1st time in my life I have to focus on only my spiritual health & self. I have no other choice, everyone that I once lived my life for( for the last 17 years )are not in my life now.
The daily struggles, all the negatives that life is throwing at me I either have the power to turn into a positive or can allow it to remain a negative and tear me down.
I have been reminded that as long as I work the program & steps the promises will come true. All that has been lost can be regained, to me that defines focusing on the bright side and turning a low valley into a high peak.
Taking it One day at a time.....junebug

[samf]

Hi, new2sobriety! It sounds as though you intended to do a good thing, even when tempted to add something in the cake, you didn't.

Junebug...loved what you shared...it encouraged me.

Sam

[BOBBY]

woww there sure is some good sharing here , i sometimes too make my own misery .sometimes when i say i'm "never" going to do this or that again then do it anyway thats when i feel miserable , thats when my sponsor always tells me that if i keep doing something thats going to bother me afterwards then don't do it , its that simple :)

[new2sobriety]

Excellent thought for me today! "Never" do anything that may bother you later! Thanks

I passed 90 days last Thursday, and it seems as tho I am starting over again. Anybody out there heard of 90 / 90 or something like that? I heard it at an AA meeting and I have no clue what it means. I do know that the last 2 weeks have been rough. Not as rough as the first 60, but not what "clarity" I thought I would have by now. I also have trouble asking for help, and this means also I do not have a sponsor. I have been told to get one, and to make calls to my call list. There are a ton of thoughts about being afraid to call, screwiing it up somehow, being looked at differently, etc. etc.

Tons of excuses, but I know deep in my heart that I need the help to get going on the steps.

Thanks everyone

[samf]

90 in 90 stands for ninety meetings in ninety days.

It was suggested I do that, when i first got to AA. I actually ended up doing more than that...sometimes went to three or four meetings a day...whatever it took...was the only place I felt sane.

Have heard it suggested to someone who feels they need help to do that, too...no matter how long they have been in the program.

If it helps...sponsorship is not like a marriage contract...people do change sponsors sometimes.

There's a great AA pamphlet on sponsorship, too. It is good to read.

I stink at asking for help, too...but we all need each other, too. And when it's my hiney that needs saving, I can find the motivation, when I hurt bad enough, as I still really STINK at asking for help.

Maybe you won't be as bone-headed as I can be. There is a lot to be said for doing this thing together.

Love,

Sam

[new2sobriety]

Sam,

Bone headed I am I am :)

Thanks for the answers. I got my 90, but I really only did the deed. I was looking for external validation (I understand this is another trait) and really didn't feel it like I think I should have. What was amazing is that I walked into an AA meeting yesterday, and heard about 2 people that were in ICU due to this disease. Heard about 2 others that were Sober for multiple years, and were picking up 30 day chips. Thank the higher power they were there, and the fact I was led there. Could have done 1,000 other things 999 of them bad, but elected to find a meeting.

After the meeting I was really down, but then realized the positive things that came from it. I could have said to myself "self you aren't going to make it - all those other people didn't do it what makes you so special - etc. etc". When I started thinking this was I stopped and looked for something positive, and today I thought of each of them, and asked my higher power to give them help.

Thank you again for your answers, and giving me Good things to think about.

Also thanks for the love, and right back at you.

N2S

[samf]

;DSending hugs!!! ;D

Yah, and just call me "bonehead"!

My own thought is that some Higher Power helps us get to AA, somehow, and that the Higher Power is also pesent, helping us, a day at a time.

My head likes to point out negatives to me, but I'm kind of getting like this guy, Bob Earll, that I used to listen to, a long time ago, and ask, "And what is the source of your information?"

He used to say, "MY head thinks it can kill ME, and live on."...and stuff like, "Sometimes my head is out to get me."

Cool thing is your getting to the meeting, and your looking at the good things you took from it, for sure!!

I kind of always expect that my Higher Power is going to teach me something, when I hit a meeting, or give me some little thing I can take from there.

It always seems to happen, somehow.

Love that your HP helped you stop and do something like pray for folks, too.

Sounds like a "God deal.", to me!

Lately, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I just start praying for folks, or I ask my HP if there's something He wants to talk to me about or teach me.

That happened, last night. Ended up being able to deal with a couple of long buried amends type things...was so grateful.

Gotta tell you, too! Know how I said I have a hard time asking for help? My home group members...it's been snowing? I had three or four of them get on my hiney and tell me, "YOU CALL ME, if you need a ride!!!"

I'm like, "Ok! Ok! Jeese!"...but, know what? It was SO cool, to find that they really wanted to be there, if I needed help.

Love,

Sam

[new2sobriety]

SamF,

Thank you so much for your wise advise. From one Bone head to another :)

I want to be honest. I actually thought I was "cured". I thought the Steps were a Task that I needed to check off and go on. I was thinking about how I might actually step out and that I should be OK. Then I went to my therapist and got the stuff beat out of me "mentally". She asked me how many meetings I went to? I said not that many. She asked me to get back in there.

When I went I heard 2 stories of 2 individuals that were in ICU. One won't make it and the other will have brain damage. 3 other people talked about being "BACK IN". One for the 7th time, and long sobriety days in between. TALK ABOUT A HP!

My mind tho "Its all a consipiracy" - Somehow my therapist got ahold of all these people and told them I was coming and what to say!!! Can you believe it - The mind is a terrible thing to waste (On Stuff Like this).

I went to another meeting 2 days later. "Subject was Steps" - And how without working them they too thought they were cured - HP AGAIN? Of course NOT it was another conspiracy!

Went again last night. "Subject was Steps AGAIN" - THE THIRD ONE! I said OMG and almost cried! It was NOT a conspiracy it was actually that I am opening myself up to becoming a STUDENT! Listening to the teachings of all you Great Ones that have such sound advice.

On the way home it dawned on me "Steps are a Foundation" NOT a Project Plan!!!!

I am going to ask for help this week. I am actually going to make some calls from my list, and talk about sponsorship. I hope to have a sponsor soon.

90 - 90 to me is that I am going to "Start Again", and this time do the second 90 with a Sponsor.

Another thought is now I need to "Surrender" It is NOT A CONSPIRACY!

The HP is definately working and I believe brought me to this website!

New2Sobriety even more now!

Love

N2S

[new2sobriety]

So I post the previous message and look around the website and what do I find?

Thought to Ponder . . .
The ego seeks the destination; the soul seeks the journey.


N2S

[samf]

N2S...that is really cool...like your HP is confirming things for you, too!! (What you found, on the site, right then!) (The ego seeks the destination; the soul seeks the journey.)

Meetings are powerful, yes. I don't know why, but I know it is...and HP always speaks to my heart.

I loved the post that Carol made...simple approach to the 12 steps. It was very good, I thought!

I just love it when we turn and get the help we need to live and not die!!

They used to say it ws like we got the gift of desperation...or a light dawning, inside of us.

LOL...one of my friends called again, when the snow was so bad, and offered help. I was teasing, and was "bisted"...they said, "I'm afraid you won't ask for help."

I quit teasing and got serious and said, "I will, if I need to. I promise." They said they believed me, and that they'd be there.

AA folks are amazing. It's like love with no strings attached.

Hoping your today is a good one!!

I am dug out of the snow, and have a meeting to go to, tonight...am jazzed!

Afterward, we usually go and eat and just talk together about whatever comes up. When I first started going to meetings, I was really shy about going, but am so glad I went, even when I felt scared.

Sending hugs your way!!!

Glad to be getting to know you...really appreciate your posts.

Samf

[daveysdad]

I thought I had a feel for this program at 54 (almost 55) days, but I am still very depressed. Yes, my highs are higher, too! I guess this is what it feels like to feel instead of drink/use. I have heard you need to "wait for the miracle to happen" and that you can't intellectualize. I have tried to be "fearless and thorough from the start", and I have seen great changes in myself as a result of trying to find a new self in this program. I think I can (and will) be honest, still I know that I am peeling away the layers of my denial sometimes with, and sometimes without, progress. "The marinated piece of meat" between my ears ( as my sponsor so gently refers to it) DOES get in my way constantly! (as you can probabl;y tell from my bull****!). Even ( and maybe even- especially) when I have to write steps, and read, as these are old behaviors that I have relied on my whole life. If I could just take some kind of test on the reading that would be great ....PLEASE!? >>>I'd laugh if it wasn't such a ****ed up situation. I just got back from another meeting and all I want to do is cry or die (though the earlier meeting had me riding high!). Is this normal this early out?
I have heard, and at the recovery center where I went they even gave us a paper that stated,> that depression is a relapse sign. My problem is that I don't feel like relapsing, I feel like whacking myself...I am not sure, but I feel a relapse is worse than anything...ie; I would rather be dead than go back to that "Hell on Earth". I have talked to people in the same boat as me; one guy in particular came through the same treatment center about a week before I did. He is feeling very depressed ,too. The last person in my profession that went through this program also supposedly committed suicide as well...not very comforting!?; Oddly, this is comforting to me, and I see why we need other alcoholics in our lives! I do feel I need this program. I go to 2 to 3 meetings a day. It has kept me from such drastic action and certainly has kept me sober!!! I have heard many share that they, too, were in such a state of mind as I am in before achieving their sobriety. This was also discussed at my noon meeting today where someone said he duct-taped his apartment and turned on the gas only to find that his oven had a built in sensor that shut off the line when the pilot light was blown out. Bill W. also tells in his story where some guy whacks himself and he says "what great fun it all is". My sponsor said it's supposed to be "simple" it is not supposed to be EASY(that IS on page 8 verbatim). Not TRYING to be intellectualizing, but I am desperate, and that is my "go to guy". Perhaps that is my problem and I have been constantly examining that since I first was introduced to Bill in his book March 12 of this year. In 12 & 12 step II , he says that intellectualizing is acceptable as long as you put humility first. Am I not doing this? This is not merely a rhetorical question; I want an answer! "I am trying to fake it til I make it", but I don't like this depression. Is this what is referred to as "last gasping"? or do I just need to check into a psych ward?!
Any insights would be helpful, but please keep in mind that I have 54 days and I am currently TRYING to develop a higher power and I am working step III right now. Also, if it helps you to help me, please know that I have great resentments toward organized religion and even God himself. I am aware- I think I am aware of this and perhaps why; I feel that God is to blame for everything wrong in my life from the day I was born to the present. So please keep this in my mind when you tell me to just pray; my sponsor has me doing that 5 times a day (and making my bed every morning , too...lol!---Hey, I do what he says...I want this to work; not just for me but for my son and for everyone I will ever touch!).
I know I should talk to my sponsor about these things , and I have tried and I don't like the loneliness and morass of self pity in myself or others. He doesn't either. I think that's why I picked him. I don't want to change, I have gotten so much from him, but he is not able to talk today and he already spent from 10 to 12 last night working step II and getting me up for step III and he had to be up for work at 5AM this morning! He is old school AA and I admire this. I have heard many people share that this is the kind of hard-nose sponsor that "got them sobriety and helped them keep it for decades to the present".
Am I ****ing up? or will this , too, pass if I just have the balls to ride it out and work a program.
As you might imagine, I will greatly appreciate any input on this and I will be trying to keep an open mind to all comers.
Thank you everybody. I will continue to (TRY to?) pray. :-\
Sincerely,
David (Daveysdad)- "Godless wonder, in search of a Higher Power" or you can also call me "still making my own misery,David!"
PS: Also,if you could please run this by or show this to your sponsors for advice for me (esp. if you are new like me) that would be incredible! Thanks! :)

[daveysdad]

nada?

[soberd2]

Dear Dave,
Reading is fine. It's all in the books. Congratulations, dude. You've almost got it!
People who have resentments need to get a life. This includes those who have resentments toward the intellectual and pass along that nonsense you here all the time! I know you heard that **** at meetings it's a common thing to hear from those angry people jealous of the intellect type person who gets the program the first time around and usually in record time. Those people amaze me. At least you know who and why you resent at day 54 , Dave. That means you out there need to get a life which means you may need to work step 10 more regularly than you thought,people! The program is helpful for you who thought you had it all sewed up,too! Remember, Bill W was an intellect. So were the doctors we read about at every meeting, people, Dr Bob, Dr Silkworth, Dr Paul! I am not an intellectual but I do like to read. God as I understand Him gave me the book , too. It helped me find Him. I just read daily reflection for yesterday April 26, it is about you, Daveysdad! My God says you were meant to post this and me read it today. If your God doesnt I can acept that to.
Dave, as my sponsor once said, "just remember, you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about feeling good". Also, you should not let them make you feel bad about feeling bad!So, just feel good and take it from there. The program IS simple, it just breaks down to one word if you think about it; it starts with an A and ends with a Y in the english language.It is a hard pill for some to swallow. And maybe you can add the word that starts with a p and ends with an e. Do anybody no what im talking about?
Unfortunately I have never seen that in any book but it is eluded to in As Bill Sees it page306. You saw it here first people! If you can accept page 306 then all is forgiven. Welcome home to God's country!!!!
I don't know why the old timers out there don't spread that word around. Maybe they havent got it yet maybe where trying to keep it for ourselves , guys?
Dave to

[samf]

Hi, Daveysdad!

I'm not a doctor, so don't know what to tell you in that direction. I felt really depressed for quite a while. It kind of drove me nuts, but it got better for me, as time passed. I also had what other people labeled as "free floating anxiety". I was anxious without being able to tell you why...just kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. And nothing was actually wrong. It was just there.

And my mind raced, all the time. Thank God I had lots of AA's who stood right by me and that helped me get through those times. They would just talk to me and be there. I guess that's what I needed right then. I don't know. I just know it turned out all right.

Hope you will hang in there.

I used to feel so bad that I would talk to whoever when my sponosr wasn't available, as I thought I'd go crazy if I didn't.

Sending a hug!

Sam

[daveysdad]

That is what I've been doing Sam and it has helped. So have the solid people in The Fellowship like yourself that reach back to people like myself. I feel so much better now and seeing your post is truly such a breath of fresh air! I don't know if you'll be able to know how sincere I am when I say that it really gives me faith when I get such simple but genuine response here or at meetings. There are those that are seemingly judgemental and seemingly cruel, but the gesture of your kind is what I think they mean when they talk about "attraction, not promotion". Your post is truly the kind of thing that first drew me to AA and what keeps me coming back no matter how down I've gotten.
I've been helped by people from SEEMINGLY total different walks of life who were just sharing the same thing you just did. Knowing that I am not the only person who went through this is what, oddly, has made it seem so much more "livable".
I did specifically speak with a woman who shared at a meeting last night (she was the speaker). I think she had 18 years , but had tried to commit suicide 8 years into her sobriety. She had taken aspirin "so as not to ruin (her) sobriety"! Pretty incredible, huh. She told me that you can have depression even in the program but that seeing someone who specializes in addiction/alcoholism will keep you from going down the wrong path. Simple advice? Well, it was a revelation to me. She also told me that the first 8 years was great and that her depression was much better just about the time she did step III (the one I'm working on!). I'm so glad I had the guts to ask her.
After making an appointment with a psychiatrist who specializes in addicts today,I talked it over with my sponsor. He said many need to feel for the first time after such a long cycle of numbing themselves (ME!) and that I just needed to be careful not to go back to medicines to blunt my emotions ( me again! this is what I was doing , exactly!) . I decided that I would consult him (my sponsor) if the shrink should suggest any meds. I told him, "even if I wasn't paying (him)" and I am to pay the shrink $$$$$! / hour ( I'm not telling the sponsor how much!...lol). It reminds me of my first 30 day chip. It says " We're here and we're free...hope faith and courage". No lie! Coincidences are fun now.
Thanks again Sam, Sincerely. :)

[samf]

Thank you, too, you know, daveysdad! It is nice to realize I am not alone, either.

One AA told me, too, about what your sponsor said. What they kind of did was tell me my emotions might come out just all over the place and kind of sideways, because I was so used to NOT feeling...numbing them.

I kind of did what you are doing (like talking to that woman, seeking help). I kind of had this sort of blind trust that maybe somehow I woukd be guided to exactly what I needed, if I kept an open mind.

It helped a lot.

Anyway. Hope you have a real good today.

We had a meeting, last night...it was awesome. Some of us went to supper afterward, and that was the best!

Big hugs.

Sam

[daveysdad]

To Anonymous and to whom it may concern,

I did go to the shrink ,but by that time the extreme depression had resolved (1 week later) and I have not truly felt suicidal since. I don't know if this was all the program of AA or what. The psychiatrist was an MD (ie.; he prescribes drugs) who specializes in addicts and alcoholics and I ran the meds by my sponsor (Zoloft- an SSRI in my case) and my higher power before taking them. I do not have any advice for anyone reading this as I have only worked step III ( and to try to give you full disclosure, my first presentation of that was "unsuccessful"; ), so I don't claim to be able to transmit something I haven't yet truly got. Still, I felt that if there was anybody out there feeling the way I was, they would benefit from knowing that I got better ( if they felt like I did that day, anything would help...lol). I know from my personal as well as clinical background that depression will make you feel as though things will never get better. Well it did get better for me. So I am taking the time to pass that along if it can help anybody. Good "luck" anybody and...
Thanks again AA
Alcoholic D

[samf]

Thank you for passing it on!

I have had to take antidepressants, a while after I had been sober...it was years, in my case, but don't remember the exact time frame. I've had different reactions from people in the program. Some seemed to think if I just "worked my program harder", I'd be fine.

About the time I started taking the antidepressants, the local recovery newspaper ran an article where a sponsor had told thier sponsee to stop taking thier antidepressants...that they weren't "sober", if they took them.

The sponsee stopped as directed by his sponsor, and a week or so later committed suicide and was successful at ending his life.

I take the idea that we are not doctors very seriously. I personally don't believe we have the right to toy with someone else's life, even by accident...and that if we need outside help, whether an m.d. or psychiatrist or lawyer...that's what we need to do. Hopefully the professional knows best, and in life and death types of things...well, it's scary.

I was afraid of taking meds, afraid I was doing the wrong thing, afraid of the way I was feeling...you name it. I consulted a psychiatrist and did what seemed to be the most sensible thing for me.

It took quite a while for me personally to even be able to function, again. Don't know that someone who hasn't been through that somehow would understand.

Saying all that, really glad for you that you got the help you needed and that it worked.

Sam

[daveysdad]

I have to say that some of the posts on this site have really made a tremendous positive impact on me and my spiritual growth. I am still struggling very hard here, and at meetings, with who is a mentor and who is "doing research for " me (as my sponsor likes to put it). I know that it is supposed to be about "principles (and) not personalities" but sometimes people claiming to have years of "sobriety" scare the hell out of me and it is confusing to think they are "sober" and working the same steps. I feel like my sponsor, who seems so strong in his program and infinitely wise, and my higher power ( who I have actually come to start to understand and am praying to and meditating with in just 73 days after a life of "atheism"!) have helped me to see the light in these matters, but I am still weary that this is "judging" people, and I feel that judgement should be left to those more capable to handle it as it says in the 10th step. Still, I want to get the right message. I just came from a "10 Step Meeting" where many shared about "justifiable anger" and being "assertive". Did I misunderstand them, or am I not reading the black letters of the 12 & 12 right? I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A SMART ASS. I am probably just over intellectualizing again (my great nemesis) but anyone please let me know what you think about the concept of "justified anger". My spoonsor has said not to worry about other people and this was helpful advice, but he also told me to be weary of another meeting b/c he said there was " no sobriety in that room". Let me know what you all think about this. Thanks!
PS: ALSO: I just went to 5 meetings in the last 26 hours and I feel awesome. Is there such a thing as too many meetings?
---73 days and Loving AA (but in the mix!)

[angussdundee]

I don't know if 'justified anger' is a concept or if its really a relapse waiting to happen!
If your feeling any kind of anger 'justified or not' at least you know you have feelings ;)
But because anger is one of those emotions that often does lead to relapse, then its never really 'justified' now is it... ::)
And you know what.... It's takes much less energy to be 'justifiably happy'... :D

Keep on smilin

Anguss.

[samf]

That question about justifiable anger would be a great topic to start in maybe the 12 steps and 12 traditions section...hoping you will get some responses, there!

I tend to overintellectualize, as well.

Sounds like your Higher Power gave you a really good sponsor, from what you've been sharing, so far.

Anyway, my suggestion would be to maybe open a topic about it over in that section, if you want to see what others might have to share. Or maybe they will respond, here.

I'm sure there are probably instances that might fit into both categories...that maybe some of us do need to be assertive. I wasn't at the meeting you attended, and, for me, since I was trying to learn how live when I didn't really have a clue, it seemed best to run things by my sponsor, and kind of follow that.

Because everyone has different opinions, and stuff can get pretty confusing. At least, that's what happened to me. I couldn't get my mind to slow down and I'd go around asking people questions, and I'd get mixed up inside.

As far as the anger thing...I used to get drunk because I was mad...one of my "reasons" for drinking...and I almost always blamed other people for everything. Look at my part? Ha.

I can't handle being angry very well. It can kill me. I need help sometimes...I can talk to another alcoholic and they can help me look at it. They are usually more objective than I am.

So that's what I do, when I get jammed up.

I think it is so cool about your praying and meditation! Am really happy for you, because, for me, having a Higher Power in my life has been the largest miracle ever.

Have the best day!

Sam

P.S. I see Anguss posted before I got through running my mouth! :) "I loved this: And you know what.... It's takes much less energy to be 'justifiably happy'..."

Sam

[daveysdad]

Sam,
You are awesome! I will try to post this over in 12 & 12 but my wreckage is vast and seems to be calling out to me to be accountable. Yet, I see that would have been much more appropriate over there. I apologize everyone.
It is such divine coincidence (as I like to refer to it these days) that you posted all that you did on this subject. I have been feeling that things are moving extremely fast these days and need to slow it down ( is it that obvious?!). Although I want and need this program! : I have ruined everything in my life!. It is unusual and sometimes frightening to lose all these "self-interests" (if that makes sense to anyone) as they were absolutely all I was...I feel I may have had an extreme bottom- or first step- (spirituallly and psychologically as well as the usual external stuff; - loss of family,$$, etc.) and feel this is why things seem to be moving so fast for me. It follows that when you are spiritually bankrupt that any spiritual growth leads you to spiritual progress and I feel like I was a sociopath!...lol...if that makes sense to anyone out there. Also, my former self of milliseconds ago seems to be in constant transformation and growth and I laugh at how silly I was just yesterday. It is also interesting that I feel I hear just what I need to hear everywhere I go and wonder if that is "Divine Coincidence", a Higher Power, or magical thinking (this, to those who don't know, is a psychiatric term where we humans inaccurately try to see every coincidence as a sign from God- {I worry that I do this, especially in my post-withdrawl frame of mania!}. This post , too, needs to be placed elsewhere I suspect, but I am supposed to be getting ready to fly east to shut down my old house before forclosure, call my custody attorney, call my bankruptcy attorney, write or call the IRS, etc...the details are endless!) atleast I don't face prison , yet...lol, thank God Himself- I probably would be if I had been left without the guidance I am receiving.
I hope everyone finds what I have started to find. If the Spiritual Awakening is ahead I can't imagine what that's going to be like.
Today I am,
- "on a Pink Cloud summit and ready for the next dive down, Dave"

[daveysdad]

Dear Everyone and Sam,
I did post in the 12 & 12 the subject of Step 10 and the question of "justifiable anger" and assertiveness" and also "AA mentors" vs people "doing research" for us. I am also putting one more post in there because I think it belongs.
I also neglected to thank Anguss. So thank you Anguss, for replying to my post :).
Hope SomeOne takes care of you all! ...lol
gotta go now!
sign this as,
-"Justifiably Happy"

[samf]

Hi, Daveysdad!

I hope everything you have to do goes well for you!

My own experience was that my Higher Power was just leading me along from one thing to the next...many of the things you shared sounded real familiar to me.

Took both your topics in the 12 and 12 area and put them in thier own slot...hope you don't mind?

If you want to start a new topic in any area, you just go to that "room", ie...click on Twevle Steps and Twelve Tradtitions....there will be a tab that says new topic...you can click on that and start your own topic.

Sam

[Carol87]

I will try to post this over in 12 & 12 but my wreckage is vast and seems to be calling out to me to be accountable. Yet, I see that would have been much more appropriate over there. I apologize everyone.

davey ... you don't owe an apology ... please don't worry about what forum to use, please ... just share your concerns ~~~ we want to help you ... I hope you are finding some answers ...

[daveysdad]

Definitely finding answers; every second of every day! :) Thank you.