Spiritual Experience

[angussdundee]

Pretty early into my recovery I became aware that I was not and would never be a Saint. Although I often share how I awoke one day to the incredible feeling that my alcohol problem had somehow, without my say so been removed, and I must confess I felt quite saintly for a brief moment.
To this day I do not fully understand what happened to me, other than to say it was more of an internal happening than an external flash of blinding light.
If I were pressed to offer some kind of explination I would have to say that it was the moment I was willing to surrender and to stop resisting the effects that not drinking for one day at a time was having upon me combined with the regular attendance to AA and being exposed to the honest, hope, strength and experience that is so freely shared within the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.
It was also the day that I got down on my knees and asked what ever God was up there, to guide me and protect me from now on. I quite simply asked him to help me. From that day on I have felt protected and I have not wanted or needed to drink alcohol.
I have spoken to many people about how they interpret spirituality and for some, their spiritual experience was a slow process brought about by meditation and prayer. And for others it was simply brought on by peace and serenity and a belief that everything is going to be alright. Others have told me that spirituality to them is about accepting life as it is and by recognizing that not everything is going to go their way all of the time. And yet others have told me that seeing a huge copper beech tree in full bloom or watching a skylark hovering and singing his wonderful tune out over the meadow brings on a feeling of spirituality within them.
Some people, particularly the intelectual types, have trouble from the start with spirituality. I don't think they would recognize a spiritual experience if they came across one in ther soup!
The one thing I have found out is that the people in recovery who are prepared to expand their spirituality seem to do a lot better than those who don't.
One thing is for sure though, no matter how spiritual or saintly I feel to-day, I am only one drink away from being a drunk!

God, help us all and help us to help ourselves.

Anguss.

[samf]

The compulsion to drink was lifted from me, and since it was just gone, one day, I think it has to be a gift...I have no other explanation.

Spiritual experiences...wow...moments of grace...

Some are slow and some come fast.

I've woken up in the morning and my mind has been racing along about something...and I end up reading or hearing just exactly what I need...it seems a higher power is busy, helping me. Otherwise, I have no explanation.

Used to be, I honestly thought I had to run my own life, rather than turn it over or surrender. As time has gone by, it seems like I can progressively see how little actual control I have over my own life.

Fear of what would happen if I let go made me try harder and harder to run the show. What a relief to let go, and to turn to my HP for direction and help, living just one day at a time.

Lots of gifts I've recieved. One of the best for me is the awareness that I am really not alone.

[Rico]

I read what you said with great interest. I know that I have to watch what I see and hear sometimes--certain music, movies, tv shows, etc.
I slipped after thirteen years and I'm going back that far to glean what I can from those early days. I like the way you said things. Oddly enough,
I heard a spiritual person many years ago say that to be a saint all you had to do was smile alot and be kind to others. He said that made you a saint.
He must have been in his 70s and said he had the meditatiion that day while walking up and down a sidewalk, just thinking and leaning on his experience.

[angussdundee]

:) I'm smiling Rico, but I ain't no saint. I don't think the recovery program is about trying to aspire to become saintly at all.
For me it's about learning to accept my actual capabilities, or if you like, what I am and what I'm not - what I can and what I cannot do, including above all - drinking!
I do think it's neccessary to look back after a slip in order to 'honestly review' our past behaviour and turn it into a learning exprience. It's important to recognize that mistakes have obviously been made but we don't have to make the situation even worse by continuing to drink. It does not help to fall into that old routine, "hell, now that I've had this drink what difference will a few more make now"?
Following a slip or any other kind of serious old behaviour episode relating to say, sex misconduct, angry outburst, dishonesty, resentment, fear and all the other defects that re-occur from time to time because we are human, not saints! Our first move should be to immediately leave the scene of the crime without a moments hesitation and head straight to an AA meeting or a sponsors home or to another AA's home or to your doctor's or councilors office to get on with the more constructive business of 'getting honest'.
No slip 'just happens'. They usualy stem from something in our recovery programme not being right or we were just not serious enough about staying sober in the first place.
You've already touched on some relapse triggers i.e. "certain music, movies, tv shows". I can add to that with sights, sounds, smells, tastes, certain places, certain people and certain behaviour.....
Get back to the basics as though you were starting from scratch. Get to loads of meetings, re-work the steps with your sponsor or other experienced AA member. Study that Big Book again, all the instructions are in there, and above all remember what it say's on page 60....
"No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection".

I hope you continue to keep coming back and share your experience with us Rico, we'de like to be your friends.

Anguss