admin
04-04-2011, 01:37 PM
SHUT UP!
Let me do a little qualifying so you know where I?m coming from, the last time I snorted, shot, swallowed or took a shot or a drink was June 10, 1979. For the English lit people like me that means I just got my twenty five year coin. I?ve never been a poster child for recovery and I?ve spent time in the woodshed for things I?ve done even while I?ve been sitting in the rooms learning how to get myself to where I?m at. I?m married now with three young children and I have a great job. I?ve only had two jobs in the eighteen years so recovery has worked in my life.
I was really blessed and I came into recovery when I was twenty one. I?ve spent more of life now in the rooms of recovery than any where else, that means I had to grow up as I?ve been learning how to recover. I was fortunate and I picked a man to sponsor me who had no problems sponsoring a kid, his term for me was "pip squeak." He was great to learn from and every so often he even took me out to the woodshed and verbally spanked me when I needed to be spanked.
Remember I said I was learning to grow up as well as learning how to live a life
that reflected recovery.
When I was sitting in meetings some times I?d get off track and I?d start to share
the disease not recovery. After the meeting he would tell me that what I?d just
done was wrong and that if I didn?t have control of my mind and my mouth it
would be better for everyone if I just, "shut up."
He told me that, "sharing the disease is fine for the newcomer but when you
have time it?s our job to share recovery not disease."
The next time I did the same thing, he spent more time with me, and he went over just how dangerous it was when I was sharing and I was spreading the disease not recovery. I was almost six years clean at the time. I was about to turn twenty eight and I was working in a half way house, teaching Chemical Awareness Programs for the State and people listened to me because of my credentials. That time I was dressed down pretty good and encouraged again to,
"shut the he!! up! If I couldn?t bring solution to the meeting when I shared I should just share honestly how mixed up I was at the time and pass. That way no gets confused by you and takes you seriously. With time comes accountability and what you?re sharing has the power to kill people if they choose to believe you!"
A few months later I was in a meeting sharing again and this time I was dressed down really well. I?m a big man and my sponsor was even bigger than me, I picked him for that reason, I knew he could take me in a fight and at that time I respected that.
Right in the middle of what I was saying he grew really frustrated stood up, leaned across the table and told me to, "Shut the f*** up!"
I did.
Needless to say the room got really quiet and lots of people were sending me pats on the back with their looks. My sponsor was getting the daggers given to him and he didn?t care.
After the meeting, he caught me in the parking lot and this time I was mad, really mad for obvious reasons. I was feeling embarrassed about what had happened to me. I was mad because as far I could figure he had just broken about seventeen rules of the meeting. I was mad for a thousand things right then. But mostly I was mad because of how many pretty girls in that meeting had just seen the great and wonderful me get dressed down in public. I was mad because I felt dumb and for me that was a killable offense and I thought about killing him for a nano-second.
Why I stopped to listen to him when he asked I don?t know. It was a miracle that I did stop. I was on my way out of there and I was on the mental path of looking for someone to replace him as my sponsor. His question along with the tone of his voice stopped me. "Ask me why I did that", he said. He paused and then said. "I dare you to ask me?"
He stood there looking at me waiting for me to ask him. I was to mad then to even get some words out, so he started talking. "I did that for many reasons but the most obvious is this one. You have a job in the field of recovery and people listen to you because of it. The concepts of recovery are sacred and should be treated as such. They are gifts from God and when you spread the death of the disease in the rooms of recovery you crap all over what God has given us. That?s why I stopped you. You wouldn?t listen to me when I tried to get through to you the other two times, so I did what I thought would finally get you to shut up!" He went on to tell me that what I had done was really wrong and he showed me how wrong I had been. He showed me how it was really wrong to share what I had shared and how I was to young to have any experience yet in that matter. "There are some things that you have not lived yet and it?s better when those things are going on in the meeting that you listen and learn not share."
A member was having problems staying clean while living with his wife and young children. I thought it was an easy fix. He should leave his wife and kids, go to treatment and then a half way house. "No problem" as far as I thought. It was what I would have done if I was him. It never dawned me that no one would be there to take care of the kids. That if he went to treatment what was going to happen to his kids and who was going to house them? Feed them? Clothe them? Take care of them? What would happen to his marriage if he went to treatment and a halfway house? They were all good questions and at the time I?d never even thought about them.
My sponsor had more questions that I needed to think about and he listed them to me. Again he walked me through how important it is to make sure I knew what I was going to say when I started sharing. Just randomly opening my mouth and hoping something wonderful would fall out was not good enough. Taking responsibility for my mouth as I grew in recovery was important. Learning how to put coherent thoughts together as I grew in recovery was just as important. I spent more time learning about bringing recovery to the meetings and leaving
the disease of addiction out on the street as I grew up in the rooms. Through the grace of God I avoided a tragedy and for that I?m grateful. As far as I know none of the crap I shared while learning how to grow up in recovery did serious harm to those in the meetings I attended. But in a meeting in the town I live in a tragedy happened and I?m mad!
A good man who came into recovery with problems that require him to take medication to keep himself even went to a meeting and shared about his struggles. In their great wisdom some men who have more than fifteen years shared and told him to get off his medication. This happened while the meeting was going on and the meeting embraced those men and those words as truth. My friend did get off his medication and now he?s dead. He committed suicide a
few nights ago. A good friend heard about his struggles and encouraged him to get back on his medication and follow his doctors orders. He was encouraged him to forget the CRAP that was told to him by some members who were not following the mandates of recovery and get back on his medications. That man made his choice and the demons that plagued him won. He took his life not those men who spread lies as truth. They didn?t physically kill him but their words helped him along the road that he was walking. My friend died by his own hand and he took his own life. But those in recovery who love to share and love to impart their wisdom from on high, Please for the love of God, SHUT UP! Get a sponsor and learn how to get control of your brain and your mouth before you have someone else believing your CRAP and taking their own life.
--Joseph T Lair 2005
http://www.josephtlair.com/rec101files/shutup.htm
Let me do a little qualifying so you know where I?m coming from, the last time I snorted, shot, swallowed or took a shot or a drink was June 10, 1979. For the English lit people like me that means I just got my twenty five year coin. I?ve never been a poster child for recovery and I?ve spent time in the woodshed for things I?ve done even while I?ve been sitting in the rooms learning how to get myself to where I?m at. I?m married now with three young children and I have a great job. I?ve only had two jobs in the eighteen years so recovery has worked in my life.
I was really blessed and I came into recovery when I was twenty one. I?ve spent more of life now in the rooms of recovery than any where else, that means I had to grow up as I?ve been learning how to recover. I was fortunate and I picked a man to sponsor me who had no problems sponsoring a kid, his term for me was "pip squeak." He was great to learn from and every so often he even took me out to the woodshed and verbally spanked me when I needed to be spanked.
Remember I said I was learning to grow up as well as learning how to live a life
that reflected recovery.
When I was sitting in meetings some times I?d get off track and I?d start to share
the disease not recovery. After the meeting he would tell me that what I?d just
done was wrong and that if I didn?t have control of my mind and my mouth it
would be better for everyone if I just, "shut up."
He told me that, "sharing the disease is fine for the newcomer but when you
have time it?s our job to share recovery not disease."
The next time I did the same thing, he spent more time with me, and he went over just how dangerous it was when I was sharing and I was spreading the disease not recovery. I was almost six years clean at the time. I was about to turn twenty eight and I was working in a half way house, teaching Chemical Awareness Programs for the State and people listened to me because of my credentials. That time I was dressed down pretty good and encouraged again to,
"shut the he!! up! If I couldn?t bring solution to the meeting when I shared I should just share honestly how mixed up I was at the time and pass. That way no gets confused by you and takes you seriously. With time comes accountability and what you?re sharing has the power to kill people if they choose to believe you!"
A few months later I was in a meeting sharing again and this time I was dressed down really well. I?m a big man and my sponsor was even bigger than me, I picked him for that reason, I knew he could take me in a fight and at that time I respected that.
Right in the middle of what I was saying he grew really frustrated stood up, leaned across the table and told me to, "Shut the f*** up!"
I did.
Needless to say the room got really quiet and lots of people were sending me pats on the back with their looks. My sponsor was getting the daggers given to him and he didn?t care.
After the meeting, he caught me in the parking lot and this time I was mad, really mad for obvious reasons. I was feeling embarrassed about what had happened to me. I was mad because as far I could figure he had just broken about seventeen rules of the meeting. I was mad for a thousand things right then. But mostly I was mad because of how many pretty girls in that meeting had just seen the great and wonderful me get dressed down in public. I was mad because I felt dumb and for me that was a killable offense and I thought about killing him for a nano-second.
Why I stopped to listen to him when he asked I don?t know. It was a miracle that I did stop. I was on my way out of there and I was on the mental path of looking for someone to replace him as my sponsor. His question along with the tone of his voice stopped me. "Ask me why I did that", he said. He paused and then said. "I dare you to ask me?"
He stood there looking at me waiting for me to ask him. I was to mad then to even get some words out, so he started talking. "I did that for many reasons but the most obvious is this one. You have a job in the field of recovery and people listen to you because of it. The concepts of recovery are sacred and should be treated as such. They are gifts from God and when you spread the death of the disease in the rooms of recovery you crap all over what God has given us. That?s why I stopped you. You wouldn?t listen to me when I tried to get through to you the other two times, so I did what I thought would finally get you to shut up!" He went on to tell me that what I had done was really wrong and he showed me how wrong I had been. He showed me how it was really wrong to share what I had shared and how I was to young to have any experience yet in that matter. "There are some things that you have not lived yet and it?s better when those things are going on in the meeting that you listen and learn not share."
A member was having problems staying clean while living with his wife and young children. I thought it was an easy fix. He should leave his wife and kids, go to treatment and then a half way house. "No problem" as far as I thought. It was what I would have done if I was him. It never dawned me that no one would be there to take care of the kids. That if he went to treatment what was going to happen to his kids and who was going to house them? Feed them? Clothe them? Take care of them? What would happen to his marriage if he went to treatment and a halfway house? They were all good questions and at the time I?d never even thought about them.
My sponsor had more questions that I needed to think about and he listed them to me. Again he walked me through how important it is to make sure I knew what I was going to say when I started sharing. Just randomly opening my mouth and hoping something wonderful would fall out was not good enough. Taking responsibility for my mouth as I grew in recovery was important. Learning how to put coherent thoughts together as I grew in recovery was just as important. I spent more time learning about bringing recovery to the meetings and leaving
the disease of addiction out on the street as I grew up in the rooms. Through the grace of God I avoided a tragedy and for that I?m grateful. As far as I know none of the crap I shared while learning how to grow up in recovery did serious harm to those in the meetings I attended. But in a meeting in the town I live in a tragedy happened and I?m mad!
A good man who came into recovery with problems that require him to take medication to keep himself even went to a meeting and shared about his struggles. In their great wisdom some men who have more than fifteen years shared and told him to get off his medication. This happened while the meeting was going on and the meeting embraced those men and those words as truth. My friend did get off his medication and now he?s dead. He committed suicide a
few nights ago. A good friend heard about his struggles and encouraged him to get back on his medication and follow his doctors orders. He was encouraged him to forget the CRAP that was told to him by some members who were not following the mandates of recovery and get back on his medications. That man made his choice and the demons that plagued him won. He took his life not those men who spread lies as truth. They didn?t physically kill him but their words helped him along the road that he was walking. My friend died by his own hand and he took his own life. But those in recovery who love to share and love to impart their wisdom from on high, Please for the love of God, SHUT UP! Get a sponsor and learn how to get control of your brain and your mouth before you have someone else believing your CRAP and taking their own life.
--Joseph T Lair 2005
http://www.josephtlair.com/rec101files/shutup.htm