Being Alone

[angussdundee]

I quite enjoy being alone from time to time these days and I make a point of taking the time to catch up with my thoughts. I often try to meditate as I say a few chosen prayers that asks for guidance from my creator and knowledge of his will for me.
But many people never learn to enjoy their own company. They often confuse 'being alone' with 'feeling lonely'.
When I found myself alone in early recovery I was always restless and very anxious. I was ok at meetings but when I was by myself I got jumpy because I just wasn't used to my own sober company; I thought I might want to drink again.
Thankfully I didn't drink because I did all the things that had been suggested I do to combat those feelings of isolation and loneliness, but I discovered that I hadn't learned to like myself, therefor I was uncomfortable with my own company.
I had always used Booze, other substances or people to entertain me and to try to transform myself into enjoyable company. Then, once the alcohol, chemicals etc. were removed I was back to feeling uncomfortable and lonely. I went through a period of being addicted to watching daytime TV. Oprah, Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer, Donahue, The Simpsons (yes, we got all those from the states) so I became a very lonely couch potatoe with all the chat show hosts and soap stars as my friends.
I had to get loose and learn to relax and enjoy being alone with myself without ending up doing a self critical job on me or anyone else that just happend to come to mind. It's easy to blame others for the way we feel but, didn't we somewhere down the line usualy start the ball rolling ourselves?
I had to get connected before the loneliness took over. I had to reach out and touch someone, my sponsor, another alcoholic, anyone! That's why I searched out other alcoholics and like minded people like those here at AASL, to help prevent that feeling of isolation. It's easy to let my old critical head take over but it's just as easy to get busy, get loose, get connected, get physical.
Why feel lonely when you can turn yourself into good company by just learning to like yourself - good and bad.

Be happy. :)

Anguss.

[samf]

Anguss, for me, this was a real good thing to see! Thank you!

"I had always used Booze, other substances or people to entertain me and to try to transform myself into enjoyable company. Then, once the alcohol, chemicals etc. were removed I was back to feeling uncomfortable and lonely."

I did that, too. I was reading through your post and thinking that, primarily, at the time of reading, about other people, and boom...there it was!

"I had to get loose and learn to relax and enjoy being alone with myself without ending up doing a self critical job on me or anyone else that just happend to come to mind."

Ditto! :)

The thing about this is I got myself...thought I couldn't be around others, because I was always doing or saying something wrong. So I would shut myself off from everyone else.

"It's easy to blame others for the way we feel but, didn't we somewhere down the line usualy start the ball rolling ourselves?"

I know I do, today. I learned that from you guys! :)

And just being responsible for my part makes stuff so much easier.

"I had to get connected before the loneliness took over."

I have had to do that, too.

At first, I would just do it afraid. I remember kind of panicking, too...my heart was racing so bad.

Kind of like going to meetings. I was just so scared. Very afraid to talk. And hurting. And lonely. But just felt kind of trapped inside.

So just kept going, and it kind of got easier, after a while.

I have one friend who always says we never rise above human being. But we can sure isolate ourselves.

And I always remember them saying that alcoholism is a disease of lonliness.

Anyway.

Today I am learning a little how to be one among many, and am slowly learning how to be comfortable with other folks.

I like to be alone, but there were aspects of lonliness and isolation that were killing me.

And I don't want to die.

Thank you, Anguss, for posting this.

Hoping your today is a good one!!

Sam

[Carol87]

Thank you !! This is an issue I deal with on a regular basis ... I really enjoy being alone -- that doesn't mean I'm isolating which I have been criticized for over and over. Not everyone has to be busy 24/7 just to be happy! I must admit though that I do enjoy TV ... daytime AND nighttime! And since I've been dealing with some health issues, I have been home more than I would like. It is so easy to get in a rut, and not so easy to get out of it ... something I do have to work on ...

I'll try to post more here later ...

[kremjk]

I was the quiet, invisible kid in the corner when I was a tyke. I learned how to amuse myself. I did enjoy friends and my nephews and nieces who were a few years younger. But I spent much time alone at home and on nature hikes. So, I learned how to be alone early on.

My alcoholism and drug addictions twisted that a bit. I needed approval and attention, but I would isolate and sulk. I was afraid of judgements and I used a gimmic I had learned in Jr. High. To keep people at arms length I would scowl. The angry look on my face seemed to keep me safe from confrontations.

I wanted to look good, but I settled for looking good to maniacs and drunks and dopers at the rowdy bar. And then the day came when I couldn't even pull that off.

Much of my recovery has been the learning of "people skills" Isolationism. Pouting. Abandoning. Screaming **** fits. Sarcasm. Gossip. All these and more have had to be confronted in me. I was led to find the 'nature' of these wrongs. I found fear and hurt (some self inflicted hurt) behind much of it.

As I worked the steps and found healing and new willingness I have been led to even closer relations with people. I still have resistance and fear, but now I also have many positive experiences to weigh against my fears. I have experienced love. Brotherly/sisterly love. First from my fellow AAs and then from myself and then from the community as AA helped me grow.

Now, when I venture into alone time it is so much more free. I don't have all those ghosts with me. I can focus on nature around me or a handyman task without my mind being swamped by the parade of resentments replaying out in my head.

I love time alone and I encourage others to find time with themselves and with nature and with God.
I am remided of an experience with my son at a beautiful ravine. We were hikeing along and he was thrilled to jump and climb cliffs. I was listening to the brook and the birds. We would on occasion point out something to one another.

Then a group of six or eight came by, jabbering constantly, as the birds flew away. Their voices echoed off the rocks and the sound of the stream was drowned out. I pulled my son aside and pointed at them. "They are missing half of this beautiful place!" I complained, "They need to split up and listen to this place."

Maybe they did. Maybe they were where they needed to be that day. I'm glad for the lesson.

Thanks for the topic Angus, jim k

[samf]

Thank you so much for posting...reading this helped me.

Sam