Women in AA

[Debbie V.]

I am looking for statistics about women in AA. I attend a small group in Cleveland, Texas and the women seem to have problems staying sober and getting the program. On the other hand, the men have long term sobriety. I cannot figure out the problem. I'm trying to revive the women's meeting 2 days a week and need topics for discussion. Are they affected by the men, children, jobs in their lives to the point they almost have to die to be willing to go to any length to work the program? I know it was tough for women 20, 30, 40 years ago, but why today?

[angussdundee]

Hiya Debbie, your topic interests me in that I often wondered why my wife seemed to have as much difficulty in accepting that she was as sick from my alcoholism as I was and that she desperately needed the Alanon program in her life as much as I needed AA.
I often think she suffered (and still can) from the "superwoman syndrome". Can it be that women have this special make up that just wants to "push on regardless"? Just to prove that they can still manage the house, the kids, the husband, the dinner party menu, the in-laws, the neighbors, the DRINKING? I don't go much on statistics as they're too easy to manipulate one way or the other but just like men, women can become workaholics just to prove (mainly to themselves) that they're not alcoholics. We can all - men and women - push on regardlessly putting our health and our recovery at risk by trying to prove that we are superman and superwoman.
This is of course just one man's oppinion to your question and I'm sure it'll be challenged by some of the very capable ladies that I have had the pleasure of sharing with at AASL. Thanks for sharing.

Anguss.

[Carol87]

Hi Debbie ? welcome to AASL.? I hope we see you here often!? ?:)?

I have no idea about statistics when it comes to women.? ?Except ? for the statistics as they apply to the women alcoholics that I know.? ?I come from a metropolitan area with over 500 meetings a week and know many many women who have 20+ years of sobriety; many others have over 15 years.? I didn?t get to my 19 years of sobriety by osmosis!? Which is what I tried to do for almost the first three years of not drinking ? note I didn?t say ?sober!??? :-[

My personal experience says that it really doesn?t make any difference if you are a woman or a man ? the ONLY requirement for membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking.? What is important is the QUALITY of the program being worked, a Higher Power, the presence or absence of HOW, good sponsorship, working the steps in order, regular attendance at meetings.? ?Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.? Those are the things that we encourage the struggling newcomer to consider and what I HAD to do before I could honestly say I was ?sober?.? (There?s some ideas for topics!!)? ?

Is sponsorship important in your area?? Is the concept of a Higher Power stressed? ?Do you have step meetings?? Big Book study meetings? Are phone numbers exchanged so a call can be made BEFORE, not after, taking a drink?? ?We don?t give them here, but you can give out desire chips to those wanting to get sober.? We also give out sobriety chips for 30, 60, and 90 days as well as 6 and 9 months ? and of course the annual chips.??

OK, I?m rambling ? hope this has given you some ideas ? others will be along to give their input as well.?? :)

[blossom]

Hi Debbie,

Where i live and go to AA i would have to say that the balance between men and womens sobriety seems to be pretty equal, maybe thats why there continues to be sober women in my area because there are other women with good term sobriety and worked through the steps who can sponsor the new ladies that come. I myself have never been to a womens only meeting only because i don't find there is anything unique about my alcoholism and being female, but i do have a friend who would only go to womens meetings to begin with because of her experience which led to a mistrust of men and it certainly worked for her she is now 24 yrs sober.

I only speak from my own experience, but i don't think it was any harder for me to get sober than my male counterparts, i think it is equally difficult - but if there seems to be a lack of female sobriety in your area then perhaps something is missin...All of Carols suggestions sound excellent to me, maybe look into those and i'm sure you and your female fellowship friends will be able to get a strong AA.

And thankyou Angus for your "superwoman syndrome" (though i don't think its a syndrome, just a plain fact)...only joking ;) We're all pretty super if we haven't picked up a drink today!

God Bless
Love Blossom

[CarolD]

:D? Hi? and? Welcome!?

For?? ?discussion? ?meeting? subjects..I like to use? ?the site AA? Online.

Here? in? the? deep? South..I? have noticed? more? shame? is
attached to a females? alcoholism.
It's? slowly? changeing? and? that is due to education of our
disease.

Just? the other night? I? was at? a dinner? for? Senior? Citizens
hosted? by the? American? Legion post.
While? waiting? to be served..I? wanted? a? Coke
so went into the bar? and? came? back to the table
with it.
The? other? 7? women? there? were shocked? that? I went
into? a bar.? 6? said? they? had? ? ? ?never? done that.

And? yet.. 3? of? them? have? smelled? of? ?booze at our
luncheons? at? 11? a.m.!
Secret? home? ?drinkers? for sure.

I? am? the? ?only? member? of? our? Senior group
who attends? AA..and I? am very? open? about it.

Women? die needlessly? fearing? the social
stigma? attached to our disease.
I think that is why? our? womens? meetings? here
are not? succesful.

As? to my home group..we? are about equal? in numbers
and? sobriety.

The? strong? women? come to? terms? with alcoholism
and? the? timid? ones do not.

Just? my? opinion? and observation.

Good luck with the Womens meetings
;D

[kremjk]

The local meeting hall that I used to attend had much relapse with the women who would join. There were a few long time sober women who were overwhelmed with sponsees. It was always strongly recomended that men sponsor men and women sponsor women and there was a shortage of women to chose from and the new women slipped often or got into affairs with sober men. That almost always led the women back to drinking and somtimes the men also.

It was decided, by a couple of women, to start a women's meeting one night a week at the club.
There were men who argued about that, but the larger group conscience approved, and so it happened. The women agreed to keep with AA Traditions and allow in any alcoholic who wanted to attend. But I don't think there was any time when a man did need attend. The women grew in sobriety and numbers and we are glad there is now a stronger base when new women come in.

In my current home group there is only one woman who attends regularly (with 7 or 8 gentlemen in membership.) She sponsors women who join us when she is asked. But lately, all of them have returned to drink. We men behave as gentlemen amoung the women who attend and affairs are stronly discouraged amoung any newcomers. We have seen far too many women end up drunk becase they came looking to find recovery and got used once again.

Thanks for the topic Debbie. Stay active. jim k

[WolfM]

Dear Freinds,

Great stuff here. I too have seen low attendance and short term sobriety among women who attend some of the groups I belong too. It could be geography, culture, whatever. But I think the Carol touched on it. Everyone that walks into an AA meeting hall is an alcohlolic first and foremost. This helps me to avoid 13th stepping, judgementalism, all sorts of things. Everyone is an equal and has an equal chance at sobriety if they have the capacity to be honest and do the work.

WolfM

[samf]

Don't know I can add much to this, but that has never stopped me, before! ;D

The sober women in my area have pretty long term sobriety.

Seems to me that sometimes women have issues, too, around sex. We can use anything to fix ourselves, in my opinion.

Another one is looking to a guy to try to fix us...that won't work, either. The guy or the relationship becomes the Higher Power.

Also, a lot of women seem to not readily trust other women.

Those are some ideas for topics.

Maybe, too...how we try to do everything, like Anguss said.

Expectations. Anxiety.

Parenthood.

Relationships...that one could go on forever...all sorts of aspects to that.

Sam (who is a girl....)

[fishdocdon]

An old timer used to tell us , There are six main addictions, alcohol, drugs, sex, eating, working, and gambling. The hole that we fill with our Higher Power can be filled (but not well) with any of these OR COMBINATION THEREOF !!!!!!! Many around my home group, both men and women, don't really get into the steps, sponsor, Big Book, etc. and while dry are usually involved with the combination esp. the sex part. Seems sickos confuse lust with love. Most of them are praying for Mr. or Miss. Right to come along, but they are waiting for their ship to come in at the AIRPORT!!!!! This always makes for an interesting topic. In our group we have more long term men than women, but about equal in the percentages. Those who give up make it . GBWU All Doc