A Friend Went Out

[Eddie]

I am new to AA just 6 months and days into the program. I recently heard that someone who I looked up to into the program went back out. He isn't coming back. At first this shocked me and I was baffled, his support was in place, he was grateful for his sobriety and yet...

Then I had a sudden realization that this feeling I was having must have been the same feeling my wife had each time I tried to quit by myself and then went back out drinking again, It then multiplied to my family. A sort of "Oh Great he's drinking again." This is a feeling I would like to remember when I start letting myself get back into control.

I have heard others at meetings talk about leaving and coming back after 1, 2 or many years in the program. I don't fully understand but now I am getting the outline of the picture so to speak.

Alcohol is cunning and baffling to be sure.

Just thought I would share.

[samf]

Thank you, Eddie!

And I am sorry about your friend!

It IS cunning, baffling, powerful.

I always hear folks say things like, "I stopped going to meetings.", "I stopped having conscious contact.", "I didn't do my fourth step.", "I quit talking to other alcoholics."

When I drank, the last time, I wasn't even in AA, I was taking credit for all the good that had happened in my life, I got overwhelmed. I knew I COULD call somebody, but didn't. I felt like I was all alone and that my Higher Power wasn't there for me. Turned out my Higher Power was and had been...but I didn't feel that way, at that moment.

I hope your friend makes it back!

Heard someone say, in a meeting, that when they were new, they used to ask folks what they did, so they could learn. And that they also found out what folks did, when they went back out, so maybe they could learn, too.

I keep listening and pray I don't drink again.

Love,

Sam

[blossom]

Hi Eddie,

Thats sad about your friend - i had a friend recently who went back out and nearly died from drinking, but i'm so happy to say he has made it back to the rooms, but all i could do was pray for him, and i know people on this site prayed for him too - i think it all helps.

When i was really new around i remember this guy from one of my meetings who was sixteen years sober, went on a bender, he cam back the next week - but i was so shocked that after that many years someone would still drink and it also scared me because i thought God if he can't do it then what chance do i have. I then heard him share about his experience and something he said just stuck with me, he said he relspased because "he had too many years and not enough days" - for me in that meeting that gentleman gave me unknowingly the wisdom of one day at a time.

I'll say a prayer for your friend.

Love
Blossom

[CarolD]

Prayers for your friend

Vigilance .. ;D that is the way I continue to stay in recovery.

Prayer..Neetings..Helping others
all are vital for me.

Well Done on your sober time Eddie!

[Eddie]

Thank you, CarolD, Blossom and Samf,

I was thinking about this subject the other day while driving to work and while driving I was talking to GOD, I talk to GOD on a regular basis. Anyhow, I didn?t realize a co-worker was watching in the other lane. When I got to work he saw that I had my blue tooth hands free ear bud in my ear. He said he was worried about me because he thought I was talking to myself, where upon I replied, ? I was talking to GOD!?

The look on his face was worth everything and then I realized, like my friends disbelief, I couldn?t change his expression anymore than I could change my friends decision. So talking to GOD shocked my friend into disbelief and dismay and that realization that it helps me understand why the Serenity Prayer rings so true. My friend needs my wisdom not my shock and misunderstanding.

Thanks again.

[samf]

Eddie, thank YOU!

[mercury]

After 11 years of sobriety I went back out for seven years. My first seven years of sobriety I spent going to meetings, working with a sponsor and doing the steps. I was futile at it. My sponsor went back out and I did not get a new one thinking I had enough time in and could do it on my own. I did not get a sponsor and slowly quit going to meetings and talking with AA members. It worked for a while but after 4 years I decided I could handle it. Needless to say it was 7 years of hell. I lost 2 jobs and the respect of my family. Jan 2nd of this year I decided I have had it. Put my self in detox for 5 days and have since jumped back into AA. Even with just 12 days sober I realize how much I miss and enjoy the fellowship of AA. I found all of my old books from the past (Odd that I would keep them through the drinking stage). I know realize that I need the fellowship of AA and the searching for spirituallity in my life to keep me sober. Just needed to add this for some reason. One day at a time.

[angussdundee]

Mercury, I would sincerely like to offer my hand to help you back on board my friend.

God help us all,

Anguss.

[fishdocdon]

Welcome back, I'll keep you in my prayers also.

Ilearned from Dr. Bob and the Old Timers 3 things they used to keep sober:
1-morning meditation
2-daily reading (spiritual or recovery)
3-daily contact with another alcoholic
They didn't have the meetings, etc. , that we have today, so it took more effort for them. Those who slipped 1st quit their morning meditation. Seems that slippers today follow a similar path.
1- quit morning meditation
2- quit sharing at meetings
3- quit meetings
4-OUT!!!!!

If I know where others failed, I can protect myself by being watchful of my own actions. When I can't see it for myself, I have a group of friends that have my permission to cut through the crap and tell me I'm screwing up.

BY THE WAY, 7 YRS. SOBER,GOING TO MEETINGS, WORKING WITH A SPONSOR, DOING THE STEPS, DOESN'T SEEM SO FUTILE TO ME. When you quit that stuff is when your actions became futile.

GBWU Don

[BOBBY]

I'M BOBBY AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC? (I KEEP REMINDING MYSELF OF IT EVERYDAY) AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF A.A I CELEBRATED 11YRS ON CHRISTMAS DAY.

MY SPONSOR TOLD ME THE FIRST THING I PUT IN FRONT OF MY SOBRIETY WILL BE THE SECOND THING I LOSE

[WolfM]

Cunning, baffling, powereful, and deadly. I was approached by someone about 18 months ago about their in-law who had a drinking problem. I was introduced to him and gave him my number. He never called. They found his body last week, in his apartment. He had not been dead long, but out here in the tropics it does not take long for it to go bad.
I went to my first meeting over 19 years ago and have gone to meetings every week since (except on one vacation in Europe where I went 6 weeks without one) and this past summer when I was convalescing from surgery. But even then I talked to AA people and some even visited me. I do not understand the concept of not going to meetings or trying to do this myself.
When I was first exposed to AA I was told I would never have to drink again if I did not want to. When I asked how?, I was told, "go to meetings." I am simple minded and that was a simple answer. Of course I have learned over the years that there is more to AA than just meetings, but even with that it is pretty simple. Go to meetings, study the Big Book, get and use your sponsor, and work the steps. It has worked for me. I don't want to go back out. This is the second time that a person who did not have a problem (in their own mind) has died such a lonely and horrible death out here. I know that there but for the Grace of God go I. I know this because you people tell it to me when I go to meetings and share and listen to other's experience strength and hope. Going back out, slips, etc are concious decisions. They are not accidents.
WolfM

[blossom]

Thankyou for sharing that Wolf - very powerful stuff for me!
It can be so heartbreaking i find to still see the suffering this illness brings to people and know that all we can do is be there when they are ready to reach out for help and so sadly for some people that point never seems to come. It makes me feel very grateful that today i no longer have to live in that dellusional hell. By the kindness of others and God, i was shown a solution to live by and couldn't agree more that while there are many facets to my program, ultimately that has to involve going to meetings. But i don't mind that, i have always enjoyed meetings and completely accept that it is just part of my routine of living.

Love
Blossom

[sioux]

cunning, baffeling, powerful, and patient. Someone once remarked that while they were in a meeting, their disease was doing push-ups in the parking.

For me, AA is a lifestyle choice, just like drinking and all that went with that was a lifestyle choice. Thanks to the Creator I was left with a few choices to make.

I am not immune to this disease. I believe it progresses whether I drink or not. Scary enough to keep me coming back.

It is always distressing to see someone go out/

[Rosewalls]

Hi everyone!

I really enjoyed the sharing on this subject and the one from Mecury (hope thats the right name) really rings turn for me. In 3 weeks please GOD I'll be 2 Years in the fellowship. In this time im now with my 3rd sponsor. The first didn't work (on both sides I think, and so Ive been told) and my 2nd has stopped going to meetings due to resentment. My life is so unmangable at the moment. On talking to my new sponsor I don't think i did the programme at all yet. I have a racing head and for a while Ive been taking sleeping tablets to make me sleep (and for a buzz), caffeine tablets to take the tiredness away and all sort of vitamins to help me feel more human i guess (eating tablets instead of drinking). Ive stopped taking these tablets more about 2 weeks and my new sponsor has suggested I try to slow down, talk slower, walk slower, etc and try to be in my head exactly where I am at that moment not off in own wee world in my head. I finding it really hard. I cant Listen either and heads going that fast. I have 2 friends in AA who are male and she has suggested I stay away from them and stick with the women and I cant. My life is a disaster and i cant seem to get anywhere with whats she has suggested. And really feel WHATS THE POINT I CANT DO THIS!!!

[fishdocdon]

GREAT POINT!!!!! Think about what u said.


Remember
1- I CAN'T
2- GOD CAN
3- HE WILL IF I LET HIM

Good Luck, keep working with ur sponsor, GBWU Don

[samf]

My head also has a tendency to race. It has gotten better over time. If I do caffiene, it seems to be worse for me.

When I finished my first fifth step, I still remember the sense of peace and that my head had just shut UP! It was incredible!

I try things suggested by others, and some help, as far as my mind goes.

Sam

[egbert]

I was sitting at home a week and a half ago when my sponsor called , when I answered he asked if I was sitting down . He then told me a friend who had helped me greatly for about two years had killed himself . For some time I experienced one emotion after another , it took some time before I realised something my old friend had told me , This disease will kill you . This guy had done all the right things , it seemed , he had stayed sober for about six years , gone to college and gotten a degree , gotten a very good job and moved to Florida , then I remembered something about him . He used to say he wouldnt be complete until he had a serious relationship with a woman , I remembered being in the same space once but I now believe that until we are complete within ourselves we will not be close to being ready for a serious relationship . I am verry sorry about my friend but I now know he was missing something . It seems relationships started too early will bring us down faster than just about anything . I have finally reached a point where I feel allright about myself now and thats where my problem began , and it seems most of our problems begin when we start to feel not ok with ourselves , not complete , not a part of . We so often seem to miss the obvious things , this may be partly a result of our habits of sometimes of trying to anylize everything , I am sure now that there are a lot of things that I will never understand and a lot of things I will never understand and that is ok , it really is , things are much easier that way , and that allows me to be at peace with myself and come to find out that is what I was after all along . l

[samf]

Egbert, hi, and welcome!

I am so sorry about your friend!

I don't know why things happen like they do, either.

Sam

[Dan_K]

It's a sad fact that not everyone gets sober. Or stays sober. It took me 6 months to stop drinking after I was caught drinking and driving. I'm not really sure why I stopped when I did. I suppose that I had had enough. I don't consider my sobriety anything less than a miracle.

Just one point I want to make: it is unwise (or so I have been told) to place too much faith in any one human. Yes, we say that you can have a higher power of your choice, as long as it is not you. But it cannot be another human. Humans will fail you. My sponsor will suggest the tables of AA, or the radiator, but I've never heard him suggest a human. We humans are too unstable. I need something firm to place my sobriety on, if I don't want it to collapse.

Why should I be surprised if an alcoholic drinks? I'm honestly surprised when someone stays sober. Even me.