Hello...I'm reluctant...afraid.....

[catwoman]

I'm just now joining this group. I live in a small town where there are no AA mtgs. and have been seeing a Psych. since June. But, now, I can't go as often and haven't been since August. I don't know what to do and am feeling helpless again............ I was reallly down in June and sought help which has been wonderful until this fall when I returned to work and haven't been able to travel to seemy M.D. I went 5 days sober which was really cool. I'm on Campral, but now it doesn't seem to be working as I'm back to drinking.......I can relate to Mommyof2 - everything seems fine on the outside, yet I'm in turmoil internally. I'm afraid of being "found out" because people would not be sympathetic to my alcoholism and my job. I'm ashamed, yet need help. I've gotten the number of the nearest AA mtg. which is 1 hr. away. I'm reluctant because I fear being found out! Any help?

[kremjk]

My name is Jim I am alcoholic.
Please call the number you have to see if the group has members that can visit with you. There may be someone who lives close to you. Or you might find someone to talk to on the phone until you can get to a meeting.
Also keep in touch with us. Jim K

[WolfM]

Dear Catwoman,
I was probably the last person to realize I had a problem with alcohol. My ex-wives knew it. My employer knew it. My neighbors, co-workers, employees, and freinds knew it. I was not afraid of being found out. I was afraid of continuing to live the way I was living so I reached out and the hand of AA was there. It has always been there.
I was in Manila, Philippines this past July for some major surgery. I was feeling a little down and was not able to get to meetings (I was an inpatient for about 10 days). So I got the ward chaplain to call the AA intergroup and 3 fellows showed up to share their experience, strength and hope with me. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
Picking up the phone has always been easy for me, especially when the pain gets to be too much. It is not so easy for some people.
And when I was active, if I had to drive 3 hours for a drink I would do it. So one hour for a bit of fellowship and sobriety does not seem like much if I count all the time I spent wasting my time drinking and doing other things which were not good for me or those around me. I hope that you hook up with someone in the program.

WolfM

[CarolD]

:D ? ?Welcome to our site!

There are on line AA ?meetings ?all over the net.
We ? ?does not have them ?but ?I have used
Pal ?Talk..Yahoo ?and ?AA ?Online.

I ?think they are a great ?supplement to my real
life AA ?meetings.

There ?are ?people ?who know you are drinking.
You ?buy it..you smell of it..your actions show it.

I have never heard ?of anyone getting fired because
they were in ?recovery. ?I got fired because I was not!

If ?you continue to ?drink..your life will go downhill.
That is ?a true fact.

Make ?the call..

[samf]

Hi, catwoman!

Hope you will be able to get to a meeting, and the phone call idea is a good one, too.

They used to tell me how I'd go to any lengths to drink...would have to do the same, to stay sober. My mind tried to convince me that wasn't so, sometimes.

Glad you are here, too...hope you will keep coming back.

If there's anything I can do, please feel free to ask.

Sam

[kelly k]

dear catwoman- i echo what everyone else has said...i live in a small mountian community- no meetings close either. take a minute to call the aa service center in your area- tell them that your looking to speak to another alcoholic in your community- chances are that there are recovering people in your community who maybe drive to those meetings together- its worth a shot-this desease tells me im alone, but im not. you will find that the hand of aa is closer than you may think. the central office of aa may in fact, introduce you to someone right around your block. it took everyone in my community to pick up the phone, and save ourselves...now this small mountian community has 7 meetings a week. its normal to be afraid, but reach out anyhow. we are an anonymous program, and you will be amazed at at how most of us protect eachother. keep coming back, and welcome. peace, kelly

[catwoman]

Thank you all who've responded. I seem to be on a roller coaster. Being happy makes me drink, being depressed, makes me drink. I'm also married to someone who drinks too much and worrying about him makes me drink. When I feel too fat, I drink..... I was an overweight child, was made fun of as a child by peers and my father and this has always been with me. I've toyed with anorexia and bulimia and still think I'm overweight, even when people say I'm thin. I've got OCD and drink when things are out of order. I was doing so well in Sept. then.....excuses for drinking.....social events, stress, only on the weekends, 2-3X a week, but deep down I knew/know all were an excuse. I come from a family of alcoholics on both sides- 2 on Mom's and 3 on Dad's. My psych called it my "genetic enhancement". My psych is great, but I have to take time from work to go to see him. I never wanted this issue to interfer with my work so have not taken time off to go see my Dr. Coming here is a big step for me. My job keeps me from seeking help closer to home - I've not got that much trust, but so want help. I always said I wouldn't buy alcohol in town for fear of being labeled, but guess what............? I'm doing it and feeling bad............
:-\
Thanks again for the responses.......I need them.

[kremjk]

Please call the number. jim k

[samf]

Catwoman...hey.
You are not alone...I can relate to almost everything you shared about overweight, worries, etc...reasons to drink!
Once, I am sitting in an AA meeting and am sober but don't feel real good, mentally or emotionally...and this dude say, "I drank if I was happy, if I was sad, if it was a cloudy day, a rainly day, if I made some money, if I lost some money...I drank to celebrate, to forget...."
He sounded just like me.
I used booze to deal with life...I thought...me, personally...I wasn't dealing with life...I was putting a bandaid on junk so I didn't have to look at it or do ANYthing. I was just trying to fix my feelings.
And, I'm an alcoholic. When I take a drink, it sets up a craving for more of the same. I CAN'T drink safely.
NOT ever.
But some of us take a lot of pain to realize that, and that's if we are lucky.
A LOT of is are in a grave, or locked up somewhere...mental institutions, jail, prison, psyche wards....some of us are on the streets, with no home, and so on...some of us will probably freeze to death, somewhere tonight.
Not pretty, but true.
I also couldn't stop drinking, on my own strength, unaided. I needed help.
Today I've been given the gift of sobriety...but I sure didn't do it, on my own.
Hope you keep talking, if you want to?
Did you find any phone numbers, or a way to get to AA, face to face?
I know this probably feels easier for now...but I gotta tell you...AA face to face is amazing....you end up getting so much help and hope.

Sam