getting a sponser

[albertawind]

I've been attending meetings for just over a week now. I hear so much about getting a sponsor, and I know what a sponsor is, but am unsure how one goes about it. I haven't been in the program long enough to really connect with one person. Maybe I'm rushing things... should I wait a month or two before even thinking seriously about it?

[angussdundee]

"I haven't been in the program long enough". Who told you that Albertawind? Something tells me it might have been yourself ;).
The whole purpose of getting a sponsor is to listen and learn from THEM. The prime responsibility of any AA sponsor, I believe, is to answer all the fundamental questions that seem to baffle the newcomer; the next is to guide them through the twelve - step program of recovery.
"If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps" (chapter 5).
Well, are you ready? If you can answer that honestly then you have answered your own question regarding sponsorship. If your willing your ready - after all, how ready do you have to be?

May God guide and protect you.

anguss.

[Carol87]

I understand about not yet connecting with one person ... it takes time to develop relationships when you are new.? ?There is so much to absorb all at once.? ?

For starters I suggest you get some phone numbers of others at the meetings you attend.? ?If you have questions between meetings or have a desire to take a drink, you will have some contacts to help you.? ? There is no set timeframe for getting a sponsor but sooner is better.?I'm one who resisted getting a sponsor for far longer than I'm willing to admit.? It only made my journey just that much more difficult.? A sponsor is someone who will guide you through the 12 steps and through the entire recovery program so if you hear someone share something in a meeting that you can relate to, you can ask that person if they would consider being a temporary sponsor.? ?That will give you a start in the program until you have time to settle in and find someone that you feel would be the right sponsor for you.? ?And ... many times ... those temporary sponsors become permanent sponsors!? ?You can also share in a meeting that you are confused/concerned about the sponsorship issue and ask for suggestions.? ? Here is a website that I just found while looking for something else that hopefully will give you some insight.? ?Also look at the literature rack or table at your meetings .... there may be a pamphlet on sponsorship that will help answer some of your questions.

http://alcohol411.info/What%20To%20Look%20For%20In%20A%20Sponsor.htm

Welcome to AASL and welcome to recovery !!? ?I look forward to getting to know you ...

[blossom]

There are no set rules for getting a sponsor (or in AA as a whole), but my suggestion from my own experience would be to get one as soon as possible, the hardest thing i found about getting a sponsor in my early recovery was the fear that the person i asked would say no and funnily enough the first person i asked did say no because they had alot of sponsees and she felt that she wouldn't be able to give me the time i would need.
The things i would suggest purely from a practical sense is to ask someone who has got good length of sobriety and has either worked or is working the steps, it was also suggested to me that i should make sure the person i asked also had a sponsor.
I also found that i had no particular connection with my sponsor in the beginning, other than we were both recovering alcoholics and i liked what she had in sobriety terms, but that connection has grown into a friendship of complete trust. So i personally don't think it's neccesary to wait for someone who you feel you have a great connection with because we are all connected in the rooms by our alcoholism and when you get down to the bare bones of it i think our makeup is all pretty similar, that is why we identify with each other.
We say that it's a program of action and this is true, i think the action of getting a sponsor for me in my recovery is one of the fundemental tools to staying sober and working the steps.
I hope you are able to find someone and don't worry it's nowhere near as hard as i thought it would be to ask someone - also for the person you are asking (and i only speak from my own experience of being a sponsor) it is a wonderful privilledge to be asked.

Love
Blossom

[albertawind]

Thank you all for the good advice. I think I found my home group now, so I will begin looking for sponsors ASAP. I already have a list of phone numbers, so if things get really bad I can always call someone, even if I don't know exactly who that person is. Thanks again!

[albertawind]

Thanks Tink... good advice. I will take my time and be patient. It will happen when the time is right.

[angussdundee]

"There is no rush in getting a sponsor as there is no set time to get a sponsor"......
I can't see this anywhere in our literature but what I can see is this example; Clarence S, one of the first crop of AA members, A down and out, a bum for years, a 'wino' who had lost everything and was drying out in Akron under Dr Bob's supervision (sponsorship). He knew that the AA's who were visiting him had the answer, so he asked Bob what they had. "I don't know if your ready for the answere yet" said Bob, "how ready do you have to be?" asked Clarence. Dr Bob took him through the program straight away. He was willing therefor he was ready. Does this example not show that Dr. Bob was "sponsoring Clarence and guiding him through the program even before he was out of hospital? If so, then why the need for hesitation to-day?

Just wondered,
anguss

[albertawind]

Thanks anguss... I guess all I can do is keep going to meetings and hopefully I will "click" with someone soon.

I was at a meeting the other night and one of the oldtimers was talking about how he fell off the wagon after 6 years of sobriety. He blames it on the fact that he was going to meetings but he never "worked" the program and he never got himself a sponsor. 6 years without a sponsor! He was just going through the motions. When he came back to AA the first thing he did was get a good sponsor and really start working on the 12 steps.

The first few times I went to AA I failed miserably. I drank between meetings. I didn't take it seriously. It was more of a show - just to show my family, "hey, look at me... I'm going to meetings and I'm OK now... so get off my back!"

I know this time it will be different if I really work hard at it.

[Carol87]

Graeme ... let's look at the positives ..? if I did my math correctly, it appears that you now have about two weeks of sobriety?? ?You are going to meetings, you are willing, you have been honest with yourself and us why you had trouble staying sober the first few times you tried.? You are reaching out, you are asking for help.? ?Personally, I think you are exactly where you are supposed to be ... when your Higher Power is ready for you to have a sponsor, someone will be put in front of you.? ? I'm one of those people that cannot be pressured into making such a decision ... the more it was suggested I get a sponsor, the more I resisted.? ?But the day came when I did ask someone to be my sponsor ... and the reality is that I went through two sponsors before I found someone that was right for me at the time.? Today we are best friends ... for me personally, for a period of time, I did have to find a different sponsor since best friends aren't always objective.?

Just my personal observations ...? :)

[albertawind]

Thanks Carol, I appreciate your observations. I think I am where I should be too. Better here than getting drunk... way better. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks for me, and I plan on going to a meeting to celebrate. Of course I still think about drinking all the time, and I wonder at times if my life will be better or worse without the bottle. See - that's my alcoholic brain sowing the seeds of doubt again. But today is a new day, and I've already made a pledge not to drink today. I will go to bed tonight sober and proud of myself, and then tomorrow I will do the same thing all over again.

Gratefully sober,

Graeme

[WolfM]

Dear Graeme,

I had my last drink on December 15, 1987. I went to my first meeting on December 20, 1987. We had one meeting a week back then and there was never more than 4 or 5 people for the first few years. Eventually some "old timers" came in from the mainland and brought meeting formats and the idea of sponsorship and steps. I continued to go to meetings (because that is what was suggested to me). I was dry for about 3 1/2 years. I did not drink.
Eventually though, I realized that doing the AA waltz.. steps 1,2,3..1,2,3..1,2,3; I realized I was not moving forward. And if I did not go forward in the program, I was going to go back. I did not want to go back. I picked a sponsor and we went through the steps.
When I completed step 5 I felt a great weight lifted off of me. It made the rest of the steps so much easier. Even the amends steps.
I have done the steps a couple of times since them with different sponsors and have sponsered people as well.
I have never turned anyone down when they ask. We may have mutually decided that it was not working out and that is ok too. They are welcome to find another sponsor.
When I was ready, I looked for a sponsor. I did not want to drink so I avoided places where there was dirnking. So I did not pick up the first drink. I knew enough not to do that, before I really understood the program.
I knew to pick up the phone when there was no meeting.
I continue to grow in the meeting and continue to work with my sponsor and continue to sponsor people. All suggestions that I heard early on.
If you want to stay sober, my suggestion is to go to meetings, study the Big Book, get a sponsor, and work the steps. Works for me!

Wolf M

[angussdundee]

Well said Wolf, could'nt be simpler for the newcomer,
thank you.
anguss.

[REBOS]

Hi Alberta,
In my home group it was suggested that you have a sponsor from the start. There are folks in some groups who will be your temporary sponsor until you feel comfortable selecting someone. They also suggested that I choose someone I could identify with who had a substantial amount of sober time. Hope this helps, it was tough for me to get up the courage to ask someone as I am on the shy side. Good luck.

[albertawind]

I'd like to thank all of you for the excellent advice. It really clarified the whole issue of sponsorship for me. I'm heading to a meeting tonight and I'm also celebrating 2 weeks of sobriety today! That's a milestone for me, and I'm patting myself on the back right now.

Thanks again and hugs all around,

Graeme

[samf]

That's great, Grame!

Hang in there!

Sam