Step 10

[blossom]

As it is the tenth month and alot of my readings and meetings are based around step 10 at the moment, i would like to share how this step works in my daily life.
For me step 10 is about maintenance of my previous steps 4-9, it allows me on a daily basis not to let resentments grow and fester within, and gives me the tool to make amends as and when i need to!
It sounds so simple, which it is but the downfall in this step is me - i have found for this step to truly work in my life i have to take a daily inventory and that takes continious action and i am a great procastinator ;)
But with alot of practice it is now a firm part of my daily program. I find that i work best taking spot check inventories, I have learnt through the previous steps to recognise my emotions and have a label for them, so i now know if i am angry, tired, hungry, self pitying, prideful etc. So when ever i am ill at ease inside i just take a moment to pause and work out what is going on inside me, i usually ask myself if there are any of my emotions that have become defective and if so ask god to remove them from me, am i accepting this situation exactly as it is or am calling in question gods handywork and i work out what i can change within myself to be at peace with the situation - i used to think that doing this would take alot of time and that it wasn't practical to stop in mid conversation and say "excuse me, i just have to take an inventory", but i have found with practice i can actually run through this checklist while i am still talking to the person or doing the task at hand, it has started to become a natural way to proccess my feelings, that is not to say that i always get it right, because i don't for sure, in a rise of temper i can let something leave my mouth that i know as i'm saying it,? is completely the wrong thing to do and that i am going to have to apologize, but on the whole practicing this step has given much better relationships with the people around me, as i try to act to things not react things.
The part i find difficult for myself is when i hide a bad motive in a good action, I con myself into thinking that what i am doing is for the good of the other person, when invariably i am usually boosting my own ego in one form or another, but slowly i am learning about this part of me and trying to recognise it and thankfully today i do have the willingness to look at myself and see where my short comings are.
I also then at the end of everyday make a daily review of my day, as it was suggested to me that this step should also be about looking and my abilities as well as recognizing my liabilties - so i do a list consisting of 4 questions:

1. List the things i have done today that i am proud of
2. List the things i have done today that i am not proud of
3. List the things i have done for someone else today
3. List the things that i have taken the time to appreciate in gods world today

I find this a great tool of seeing myself in my day, it gives for me the perspective to see anyhting that i need to make amends for, if i haven't already done so, but it also allows me to see the positive things i have produced in my day and where i can improve on the next day - and it also reminds me daily to stop and take in the beauty that is around me, that i can all too often take for granted (many a night i have stood in my garden looking at the stars because up until that point before making my list i realise that i have not stopped to look at gods world).

So for me step 10 is about continious action that results in continious maintenance that results in my serenity for today :)

Love Blossom

[blossom]

Thanks Tink - i enjoyed reading your share - lots for me to learn as well.

I identified with what you were saying about your step 6&7 - i remember being quite mistified that even after going through those steps i still had character defects, that raise their heads more or less daily to some degree or another, so for me the best way i can look at it without over analyzing it in my head too much, is to think, all of these emotions that i have - i actually need to function as human being in this world and i am sure that is why God gave them to me, but because i have alcoholism this causes some or most of these emotions to become defective, almost like crossing a line of where they are no longer effective emotions but defective emotions and that is when my illnes starts to take over and i can become powerless over them and i use the word powerless because i know just like my drinking that self will, will not keep them at bay. So that is why i offer myself to god good and bad daily and honestly ask that they be removed, and i belive completely that god does this for me, but the hard part is always knowing where that line of gods will and my will lies. I pray that with gaining more experience of my own and listening to others experiences and keeping my mind open to change, that i will better learn that line. And i'm sure with time my view on this will change as my experience changes, but just for today and where i am in my recovery this seems to make sense for me.

Thanks again Tink - i always get something from your shares that helps me ;)
Love
Blossom ;D