help

[ed]

5 years of sober living bye bye very depressed trying by myself again I know dont work I know i dont have to be alone it seams iv falling and cant or wont get up.I believe in the power of prayer thats why i came hear help

[fishdocdon]

As u already know --we are not good company for ourselves. I hope u get to a meeting or get on the phone--- you must have some numbers with 5 yrs sober. For myself, I believe that daily contact with another drunk is necessary. Morning meditation , Daily contact and daily reading (something spiritual or recovery) are my necessities. Above all get urself back into the world of recovery and gratitude and out of despair and negativity. The old Gratitude List (as basic as necess.) Ed you know you can do what worked for you in the past, get back to it. Wishing you luck and ur in my prayers. But prayers with NO action WON'T DO CRAP. UP AND AT EM, GO ,GO,GO

[johnc]

What type of meditation do you do? Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.

The furthest I have gotten is sitting on the floor and repeating encouraging / spirtual lines over and over while breathing deeply. It does clear my mind, but I don't think I'm getting into a deep state.

Do you think starting the day habitually with coffee while sober is bad? Once I get into a working / sober groove, I drink a few cups each morning and really enjoy it. Do you think I'm just substituting one drug for another? I don't think so, since I don't crave coffee during the day or at night. When I'm rolling, I get up early, drink some coffee, read the news, and hit the gym for an hour or so. After that, I feel great.

My problem is when a certain Friday or Saturday rolls around and my wife is yelling, my kids are yelling, and maybe either I'm pissed or we are at a party or some other excuse. Then watch out. For some reason, I won't pull out my little card in my wallet that reminds me about all the pain drinking causes. I just seem to refuse to think at all because I need that drink. It scares me. No matter how hard I have committed myself in the past to lay off, it hasn't worked. And once the binge starts, everytime there is a week or so of nasty drunkeness followed by some very tough recovery. I really can't stand it anymore.

[fishdocdon]

My morning meditation is simply thinking about God and all the Good Things he has done in my life. I think you have to get into gratitude (you sre more fortunate than most!!!!!!!) and concentrate on positive things. You are lucky to have a wife from what u say. You don't drink for ANY REASON other than YOU want to drink. If you really give up you quit looking for excuses. Get the book LIVING SOBER It's simple but gives great suggestion for living life.

[fishdocdon]

By the way, At AA get a sponsor and get into the steps. Until you do nothing will REALLY change.

[CarolD]

Weelcome? Ed!! :D

I? agree...the? program? of? recovery
gets? easier? with the Steps.

Blessings,,,

[samf]

Ed, are you out there? Checked to see if you had logged on again, since you wrote.

Ed, I didn't go to meetings for a couple of years. I did AA online, but even then my reading, prayer, meditating wasn't as often as it is now. There's something about a f2f meeting that just makes my whole way of being better. I really don't understand it.

What happened was I didn't drink, but my husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack. It was the first one he ever had. We didn't even know he was sick. And it just crushed me...I can't even begin to express it.

On a Saturday, I went and scattered his ashes, like he requested. And I was coming back and feeling depserate and hurting and lost, and I looked at the time, and I think it was my HP...I remembered there was a meeting.

By the time I got there, it was half over.

I had ashes all over me, as no matter how hard I tried, sometimes the wind blew them back, anyway. I walked in and one of the people I knew from there got tears in thier eyes and said, "You're up. The topic is gratitude."

I spoke of my husband and how grateful I was, and I thanked them for still being there.

After the meeting, someone helped me put my coat back on...people hugged me, and I looked in thier eyes and I knew I was where I needed to be.

My husband always told me, when we'd talk about what would happen if one of us died, that I knew what to do, and to surround myself with AA's, and to get back to meetings.

And I did that.

And Ed, if you believe in prayer, I want you to know I am sincerely praying for you.

Remember that little prayer...best one I ever prayed...God, help me.

God help Ed, too.

Hope you will come back.

Samf

[samf]

John, how to meditate or how we each do it sounds like a great topic!!

Will try to star a thread on that! I like it.

I have always read something first thing in the morning forever.

I lately hit my knees in the morning and ask my HP for help for this day...a lot of times I use the Big Book, too, on pages eighty four through eighty eight in the Big Book. It really helps me. I end up doing the whole thing in the morning, but there's a part people can do at night, too...I just seem to be too brain dead to do it at night. :P (No lie.)

There's all kinds of suggestions in the twelve and twelve, too.

For a while once I wrote down a central thought on whatever I had read and carried that with me, through the day.

I also checked out mindfulness meditation, and I like doing that, some, for me. (You ever notice how hard it is to just stay in the moment?)

And I find that it is real cool to make a gratitude list, and to thank my Higher Power for another day sober, for a roof over my head, and so on.

I think what happened with me is I would hear of something someone else was doing and I would try it. What helps, i keep.

And now there are things I can do and sometimes I switch things up.

I don't think coffee is bad, but then, I like coffee, too. ;D Doesn't sound like such a bad thing, but then I am just another Bozo on the bus.

Ok...am shutting up!

Fishdocdon, just want to send a hug and a thank you for always reaching out and helping folks.

Hope everyone is doing ok!

Thank you guys for being here.

Samf

[ed]

As u already know --we are not good company for ourselves. I hope u get to a meeting or get on the phone--- you must have some numbers with 5 yrs sober.? For myself, I believe that daily contact with another drunk is necessary. Morning meditation , Daily contact and daily reading (something spiritual or recovery) are my necessities. Above all get urself back into the world of recovery and gratitude and out of despair and negativity. The old Gratitude List (as basic as necess.) Ed you know you can do what worked for you in the past, get back to it. Wishing you luck and ur in my prayers. But prayers with NO action WON'T DO CRAP. UP AND AT EM, GO ,GO,GO
thanks fishdocdon for the prayers and the addvice very grateful ed

[ed]

thank you all. really do not have much to say new here online samf you brought me to tears and I believe god touched me thru your prayer thank so much.thats all take care and god bless. sober today ed

[fishdocdon]

GREAT for another day sober Ed. Keep tring to stay in contact with people and not urself. Stay with this forum but try to consider getting back into the world of AA. Prayers still with you. Doc

[CarolD]

:D Hi Ed...
I am so grateful today that we are sober!!

Ever make a gratitude list?
It sure helps me to keep in focus.

Blessings..

[samf]

Ed, hi! I am so glad you got a sober day! I know how hard that is...is quite something to be enabled to stay sober!

You are in my prayers and thoughts...hope you will not be afraid to keep coming back and sharing, and I hope and trust that your HP is able to help you do the things you need to do for you and remove the complusion and obsession to drink from you.

Hang in there and I will keep praying, too.

BIG hugs!

Samf

[ed]

I guise i was not supposed to post what i spent who nows how long typing I just timed out and lost it hahaha. thanks for the blessings and thanks for the prayers .to make a long story short? ? :(? ? :-\? ? ?take cake? thank you again? ed

[samf]

Hey, Ed. Are you ok this morning?

Sam

[fishdocdon]

yes Ed are you ok today. Keep on keeping on!!!!! doc

[ed]

thanks sam

[samf]

Hey, Ed!

Whole new day today!

Big hug!

Samf

[moon]

Every morning I am in the position that I can spend an hour in prayer and meditation and reading I also do a thankful list and what we call a"God leter" every morning i writet the date say August 3,2006 "God I can not run my own life so you must do it for me.thank you"An old timer brought this to our home group it is a great way to start the day for me and it is kinda the firsst 3 steps done simply I can't He can So let Him.

[psycosal]

ED are you okay,please come back and talk through the :-\