just want to talk

[jules]

Hi

it's hard even to know how to start this message. I was sober for nearly five years and relapsed on new year's eve. At first i thought i had it under control and really thought i never had a problem. Now i sit here thinking it really has me under control and how stupid i was to think i was in control. I'll leave it there for now, i feel awful.

:'(

[CarolD]

Of? course you fell? ?sad..Hugs

Have a good? cry..a hot shower eat something.
.and call your? local AA.

AA? is full of? people? who understand? and they will show
you how to enjoy a? sober life.

Take care...get? busy? living...

[MIKEYBEEF]

Welcome Jules I know what you mean. You think your controling alcohol,when its actually alcohol controlling you. What a feeling it is when the roles get reversed,and you start waking up refreshed instead of hungover. ::)

[samf]

Jules, welcome!
Yah...I drank after a while sober, too.
I didn't know it was the first drink that got me...didn't know one drink set up a craving for more of the same in me.
Hope you keep coming and talking.
Do you have a Big Book?
Is there AA where you are?

Sam

[jules]

Thank you all

I didn't expect you all to respond so quickly and thank you, it does mean a lot. You know i went through a phase until yesterday that AA wasn't the path for me. Yesterday i came to realize that the only people who would understand are the people who have and are suffering like me. I feel isolated and am behind close doors so no one can see how i have declined. The people i have told are shocked because they thought i was so strong, all i could say back, is it can happen to anyone and no one can predict how an alcoholic will cope with the illness for the rest of their lives.
Even though i want to give up, i know i must fight it and learn to live with the illness.

Jules x

[samf]

Whole new day, Jules.
Yah...AA is the only place I know where people really do understand.
I think my illness of alcoholism would like me to think I don't need anybody, but I know different, in my heart.
(My eneny lives in my head, a lot. Think my Higher Power lives in my heart.)
Am sending hugs and prayers your way!!
Hope you keep reaching out for help. So many of us have done the same things and been right where you are, too!
You are most defintiely not alone!
Hope you can find a meeting you are comfortable in, and hope, like BIll W says, that slips sometimes serve to help and kind of motivate us...that's not exactly how he said it, but was what i got from it.
Our normal is to be drunk. ANY day sober is a freaking miracle.
Love,

Samf

[CarolD]

Glad you are reaching out for sobriety!!

For understanding alcoholism...I recommend...

"Under The influence"
and it's sequel
"Beyond The Influence"

they are carried by Amazon

Come join the AA winners!

[oberon]

Hell Jules welcome to the club ;D if your an alcoholic what else are you gonna do eat candy, first thing to do it let yourself off that hook my brother,I havent had a drink for twenty six years and it only by the grace of a god that understands i am a nut that i did'nt, tried a few other routes late along the line though managed to go stone crazy through dope. Its no competion mate its survival, so start getting good to yourself, your willing to try work it out what more can you be than that.If your feeling as crappy as most of us have learned at depth, the last thing you need is a lecture,you need to get some safety from yourself and your own addiction, the rest you can figure as you go, your body needs food right now and a ****load of sleep, praying may well be the last thing on your mind but I am sure you can manage a "Give us a dig out here lord.......or I don'tbelieve a word of it but I'm willing to try to try" Strange things can start to happen from such a simple stance. You have got a big old lump hammer there and your beating yourself upside the head with it, the hammer doesn't soften but your poor old head will.
Sod pride ego and all those other dumbass things that keep us from taking that step back in.....I have been doing some burying lately none of those guys (And some of them were GREAT guys quite figured out how to put the hammer down, if your willing your ahead of the posse my friend.May god grab you by the throat and hold on tight Jules........too many good men going down lately ;)

[psycosal]

Thank you for sharing one thing about the fellowship of alcoholics we understand and you will never be turned away,it is the most natural thing for an alcoholic to drink,not to drink is abnormal to us,so I had to find something to replace the drink,and it is always been the first drink that gets me drunk,there is no control in my use,tried and tried and black outs,nut huts and jail always was where I would find myself doing the same thing expecting different results is the insanity of our disease!Get to meetings.I was told meeting goers make it keep coming no matter what!

[kelli]

hello, I understand jules. had **** near 12 years myself. Not all serene, but sober! Here I sit with about a week and Im without the desire today, just lonely as hell, and not sure what i can expect fro m this room, because Im well aware of the actual rooms in aa. Its terribly depressing to be drinking, and not know too many people. i need contacts and lots of them if i am to make it this time. anyone out there?

[blossom]

Hi Kelli :D

Just wanted to let you know that i'm out here and really glad that you are too ;D

And sending you a HUGE HUG :D :D :D

I've found great contacts through this group as well as my face 2 face groups - you don't have to be alone anymore - we are all here for you, as you are for me :)

Love
Blossom ;D

[samf]

Hey, Kelli!

Good morning! Whole new day!

So glad you felt like reaching out...I remember what sitting there, the way you shared, is like, and I know I'm just one drink away from buying it all back again.

I'm here. I know that others are, too.

You are welcome to reach out to us, either in the forum or one to one...whichever...and yes...the rooms are awesome!!!

Sending a hug and prayer your way...hope you come back and share. What would I do withut you guys?

Sam

[albertawind]

Hi Kelli,

I'm new to this group as well. Been sober 10 days. It's extremely hard staying sober, but between this cyber group and my face-to-face meetings I'm managing OK. Of course I think about drinking all the time, but the key is I only think about it and don't act on it. Hope you come back often because we have so many things in common to share.

Graeme

[MIKEYBEEF]

Hi Albertawind. Ya for me the first week is the hardest.Im on day 9. I have the urge to drink at times during the day,but I dont have the urge to drink really for the feeling of being drunk,mainly its because I want to stop feeling that craving to drink. :-\