Sometimes i wish there werea a "Never ending meeting...."

[markg4468]

Today was an awful day, all i thought about at the office was numbing myself...It didn't matter how...I got it from each and evrey angle today but still did not pick up! What's that old saying??? " A bad day fishing is better that a good day at work!"

Thankfully, I can talk to people like u guys who understand because my wife does not..There are a lot of aspects of recovery she cannot understand, nor can I count on her too..I guess I was clean and sober for so long she doesn't realize how much I have struggled to get to this 30 day mark...Again....
Thank you all for listening and being there...For the support! gOD KNOWS, i NEED IT!

[CarolD]

Time to haul out The Serenity Prayer... :D

[fishdocdon]

Mark, I don't think you are using any of the OLD knowledge that u learned in your many years of sobriety. I didn't hear 1 word of gratitude nor 1 word of higher power. I believe it says something in the BB about daily reprieve, sobriety not contingent on anyone, etc. Maybe back to basics and the old gratitude list or something like that is in order. We don't have any power over the thoughts that come into our heads, but we have total power over those we entertain. Back to basics to me is: 1. Get out book and read what's in it, 2. get a sponsor, 3. Get to meetings and share. It's really back to step 3, and KNOWING who is in control. Good Luck !!! I don't like pain myself and have found a way of life that minimizes it for me. I pray that you find it also.

[samf]

Hey, markg4468!!!
Cool that you did not drink!
Man...I didn't get sober in AA, the first time I got clean and sober...I did it through another spiritual way, I guess you'd say...essentially I had a spiritual experience, then set about to know that Higher Power that I experienced, and got a LOT of help for my drinking, drug addiction, and thinking (and the way I acted) problem.
But I drank and used after over nine years. that time, it got me to AA.
Now that I have qualified all this, here's the deal...I felt absolutely stark raving nuts after I drank, for sure.
I think that something went whacko when I got the booze in me...I hadn't a clue that would happen...but if I knew then that that would happen if I took a drink, and had been in a sane frame of mind...gosh!!! I wish I had nevr drank again!
I don't know what the heck it was...but am grateful to have been twelve stepped to a meeting, and AA.
And they saved my butt. I would have been dead without them...that is a no-pooper for me.
I needed all the help I could get...my head was just real nuts, all the time. It was like I had never had a counselor, a shrink or two, drug programs, nothing.
I had all these coping skills in my old bag of tricks and it did NOT fix this.
I couldn't get rid of the nutty times...but those AA's stuck with me and helped me ride it out and made suggestions, too.
But mostly I think they saw the crazy look on my face and just grabbed my little butt up and helped me.
I am VERY fortunate.
I hope to God if you are like me that you have some friends there like that, or someone to talk to.
Is that bad AA, for me to say that? I don't know...it's how I got helped.
It could be something with brain chemistry and maybe I am just whacked...I got diagnosed with major depression over fourteen years ago, and take medication, too. I don't know.
Now, about six months ago, my husbadn died. It rocked my world, Mark. Everything changed in a heartbeat.
His death was sudden, and we had no inkling, either.
It just blew my socks off, blew my mind, sent me reeling crazy.
So, now, this time, after some of the shock and numbness wore off, I went back to meetings. I started actually getting on my knees and asking my HP for help and doing the same at night because, like I said, it just rocked my world.
And I do make up gratitude lists...have notes all over...one on accepting...one to stay in today...one to stay in the solution...I am always asking God to please help me with this or that...like when I feel sorry for me...or when I am tired?
And I started over on the steps again. Some people don't agree with that, but that is ok. It works for me.
After I drank again and stopped, too? My head just would NOT shut up...I listened to speaker tapes with headphones on at work, because I could get away it.
Online, I don't know of any all the time meetings or even chat, but maybe if someone does they will turn you on to it, or could always do a search I guess.
Glad you made it through today.
You know...sometimes ice cream actually helped me...isn't that wierd?

Samf

[Patsyd1]

Hi Mark, and congrats on 30 days sober, and another day of sobriety...today.? Sounds like you could use a meeting, to get out of yourself by reaching out and helping someone else who has even less time sober then you do, a newcomer who may be struggling, and not know what a genuine gift it is to be sober for 30 days.

Thankfully, I can talk to people like u guys who understand because my wife does not

Your wife doesn't have to understand Mark...... you do ;)

[markg4468]

Thank you all!! I need all the helpful suggestions I can get....Thanks Sam also...!

[WolfM]

Dear Mark,
I have been sober 18 years and my wife still does not know why have to go to meetings. As long as I know why, it does not matter what she knows or understands. I just need to love her unconditionally.
I do not expect her to rejoice that I did not drink today, or that I did not beat her today, or that I did not cheat on her today. That is for ME to rejoice about. That is for me to be grateful about. I do not expect any credit for my staying sober. That credit belongs to God.
My wife could not make me drink when I was active. I chose that myself. And she can not make me drink now that I am sober. That would be my choice.

Wolf M

[markg4468]

" No matter what happens, keep on beginning AND failing...Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you find that you have accomplished a purpose ~ not the one you began with perhaps, but one you will be glad to remember"
~Anne Sullivan~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't" ~ Author Unknown~
WOW!!