I made it......

[markg4468]

Today is day 30 for me. One month. It would have been 5years and 1 month if not for the relapse. My mind and body are clearer each day however emotionally I am still a mess. I am irritable, short tempered and tired. I MUST keep telling myself this is all worth it. I could have never gotten this far without all of you and A.A...Thank you and PLEASE pray for me. I can't trip over my ego again..
A humble,thankful addict/alcoholic...Mark

[CarolD]

:D? ?Great!? ?Fantastic!

[samf]

Mark,

That is great!!!

Congradulations!!!

Bet it's been quite a month!

I hope you keep on keeping on.

I slipped once, too...turned out to be the very best thing that could have happened to me...and so grateful I made it back.

Big hug!

Sam

[markg4468]

Thank you Sam, it has been tough..I also agree with you, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger..
Thank God it only absorbed 5 or 6 mos of my life...."This Time"...thank you all for u/r support. It's nice to feel human again...God Bless

[elona]

Congratulations on 30 days!AWESOME! I SOOO remember that time in my life 16 months ago! Glad you're back! That good ol' emotional roller coaster, eventually smooths out, alot. So hang in there. The Serenity Prayer helps me everyday, somedays throughout my entire day. My sobriety is contingent on my fit spiritual condition. (somewhere in BB). Stay close to God and AA.

[markg4468]

Thank you all again for your support..
Sometimes I look back and I have a hard time believing that, that was even me doing the things I was doing and letting my disease run things.
It feels so good to have some control back and to have you all and A.A., I don't even think about the 5yrs sober/clean that I lost.Only about today and how I will not turn back, for today.
I sleep better now(Ambien free!) and just generally feel healthy! Thanks again to all and God!

[colourbubbles]

Congrats Mark and Thank You, lately ive been feeling as if I been of the track of spirtuail progress and getting hard to get back again. Im still going to meetings but my honesty, willingness and motives would be questionable. You made me realise to be grateful for what AA has given me and to remember how i got these things. "You get out what you put in" and in my experience this is true.

Elona - great to hear you, and if truth be told id be a little envyous of you and how good it sounds like your doing. I was 15 month sober on 18th Feb. Long may it last with you

[markg4468]

Ur welcome.... I guess I look at things a little differently than most others..Regarding being powerless over alcohol and drugs: My logic(twisted as it seems at times..Lol) is, that I am not powerless UNLESS that drink/drug gets into my body! That's when "I" become powerless...As long as I don't put it there, anything else that happens that day can and will be handled. I realize that you relapse mentally way before you use but I guess I just don't buy into the whole"powerless" thing as long as I don't use..
We have the choice, God gave us that power of choice and it's up to me weather I become powerless or not..

Thank you all again for listening..I am going on a trip for a wedding to Virginia/Washington this weekend. This should be interesting since I have not been twisted or numb for a family affair for several, months.It seems, at times, that the 5yrs I had in before the relapse just don't matter and have been cancelled out.Guess that's just the way "I" have to do it...Start from scratch!

Thanks again all!

[Patsyd1]

Hi Mark, and congratulations to you...... thats wonderful :)

Step One? - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

The problem was never in the bottle of booze, this dis-ease centers in the mind.? There is a second part to Step One......... that our lives had become unmanageable.? ?Unmanagable by who?? By ME. lol

An obsession of the mind is a "thought" that overcomes all other thoughts.? The obession of the mind insures that we will take that first drink, and when we take that first drink it sets up a powerful physical reaction for MORE and I will continue to drink until I am drunk, sick and out control .... again!

The dis-ease of alcoholism is Three Fold...... Mental, Physical, and Spiritual. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically.

When I saw the word "powerless", it was as if someone had struck me in the face.? I thought it meant that I was a weak person.? I fought that with everything I had and I believed that I was NOT powerless over anything.? But the truth was simple, and it was me who was in denial and wanted to complicate the hell out of it.? ?DENIAL...... Don't Even Notice I? Am Lying.?

The simple truth?? I had no defense against the first drink.? I couldn't drink alcohol, and I couldn't not drink alcohol.? I had lost the ability to choose to NOT drink.? Powerless over alcohol.

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -that our lives had become unmanagable by us....... We needed a defense against the insanity of the first drink, the first "think"........so we move on to Step Two.


The 12 Steps will remove any obsession of the mind.

Yes WE make it.....one day at a time, one step at a time.

Page 85 in the Big Book:?

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if
we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of
alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve
contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision
of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best
serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are
thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can
exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It
is the proper use of the will.

[Harry]

Mark, a belated congrats on your 30 days. Hope you make it a point to come around here more often. I started coming here about 5 years ago early in sobriety, and these people, that are still coming back to this place today, were here to help me and give me hope back then. As they are here for you today. To help you and give you hope.

Patsy, a powerful message. Thanks so much for it. Who loves ya?

Harry

[markg4468]

Thanks Harry...I have been out of town for a week. Went to Washington D.C for a wedding then to the Vietnam memorial Bike rally..Gotta say, it was never this hard prior to my relapse when I was sober for 5 yrs. Now that I have only 47 days under my belt it just seems so much harder!
Good news is that each day gets easier but I find I am much more emotional than usual. I have to snap myself outa my "depressing" moments and look at the bigger picture ya know? Meetings and my sponsor help but I guess I am still kicking myself for "tripping over my huge ego" and having to start over. It's psychological I know.
Anyway, I agree about coming here. I would have NEVER made it thru the first few weeks without you guys!
A very big thanks! From a humble, grateful alcoholic/addict..
God Bless you all!

[david b]

hi
great ,keep with it you know it will be worth it, we will all be behind you, thanks for your honesty and shareing with us , it cant help but make you, and us stronger.
yours in recovery
david

[Patsyd1]

Harry and Cathy love me......thats who :)

Its so nice to see you (((((((Harry))))))))))) who loves ya?

[WannaB]

Congratulations on your 51 days Mark. For many it gets harder and harder. When we are ready I feel we will get it and nothing will be to much to take and lead us back to the bottle or drug of choice.

People who successfully quit drinking make a firm commitment to abstinence. We can use what we need and leave what we do not need. When we start living with principals in our life, and make decisions based on common sense verses reacting, we learn that its ok not to drink just as its ok not to choose to smoke, or harm ourselves in any way. We do have choices today, and by growing up and learning how to be responsible for our actions, we make the choices not to self destruct anymore. We are not weaklings, we have a problem when we put addicting substances in this body we were given. Something is different obviously with the addictive person, that more is never enough. And too much of anything has its consequences. If we could moderate these addictive substances we would not be seeking help would we? But we can be responsible for what happens to us and make that commitment to abstain, and learn more about the underlying factors and triggers that have held us captive.

I have heard people that believe that we have no choice, tell people who say they can not stop its because they did not take the actions needed to not use again. If that is true then we do have a choice. We have a choice to stop, by not picking up the drink. And we have a choice to not pick it up again and again. The drink has not choosen you, you choose to drink. It is not easy to stop, and there is no magic pill, book, prayer that will do this for you. I believe in the one day at a time philosphy, I however do not believe we are powerless just as I do not believe its God's will if we drink or not. It is our will that gets us drunk, and its our will that gets us sober. Staying sober is the problem. I have stopped many many times, it was not starting again that was the problem.

I take from many resources, and do not use any of them as 'LAW" I am pro anything that works that is healthy for our well being. Just as the 12 step programs tell us that we find our own concept of a Higher Power. I have found my own concept of Recovery, through some of the things offered in A.A. and many other recovery avenues, be it Spirituality, a Religious teaching, Science, things that enlighten me, make sense to me and work for me after applying them with a open mind are what keeps me feeling good enough that I do not need that false sense of well being through living better with chemicals. I am not powerless anymore, I was powerless but now I am free from those bonds.

For me there was never a middle ground. It was either it is, or it is not. When people quote anything, the Bible, to the Big Book as if it is your only option, "Pass" Ever hear the saying "Yes Protests To Much?" I often wonder who exactly are they trying to convince, Me or Them?

Find your own serenity, and freedom by finding people that are not obsessed with any particular venue of recovery. Take what you need in the program and there are a lot of good things and good people. Watch for people who have lives, that do not force their ways on you. My sponsor use to really piss me off because he would not give me answers. He said you find them and then lets talk. He believed that inside each of us are the answers, that we already know them. And just like a shaddy hypnotherapist that will interject pictures and ideas in your mind to keep you coming back, this can happen in our recovery as we are very vulnerable and very scared.
He used the Big Book but he read it a lot different than what I hear in meetings and see online. He knew it was outdated, and a 100 men with not that much time sober wrote it and they had defects of character and were not saints. They also told us, ,they realized the knew but a little, and more would be revealed. My sponser would tell me. "See they were right about that" every time "I" came to understand something more about myself. More was revealed.

Keep it simple...find someone who also keeps its simple and takes it piece meal at a time. If something does not feel right, do not let someone else try to make it feel right. Don't drink today, and try the steps as they are very good for the first part of your recovery if kept simple. Its about getting well right now so your head can absorb more than just a few words in a sentence. Eat well, try to sleep well, excerise, and stay close to the winners those who are calm, not preaching anything..and do not tell you what to do but suggest.

There are some great serene old timers out there find one its worth the wait, until then don't drink. You do have that power. To say you do not is almost like saying go ahead and drink again. You surely do not need more justifications do you? Be good to yourself.

And congratulations, you deserve it, as you did it regardless of what others say. Faith without works is dead there is a lot to that quote.
God gave us all choice...he did not make a mistake with Alcholics!! ::)

[Harry]

Good to hear from you Mark. I'm sure you already know this, but let me remind you anyway. Yes, you lost your time sober with a slip. But, you picked yourself up and made it back. One thing you didn't lose is the experience you gained in that 5 years you did have. Experience still means a lot. So you know what you have to do. This is my third time coming around to A.A. and this time I was blessed with the Gift Of Desperation. For sure something happened this time that I really can't explain except other than God coming into my life. I often say that when I got back this time I had the ability to listen like only a dying man can. And I had a willingness to go to any lengths. I wanted what these people had to offer. Now I'm sure you've heard this before..."Nobody ever told me this would be easy," and staying sober isn't easy. And learning a new way to live life and become a new person, hasn't, and still isn't, easy for me. Today somethings that I do, that I chose not to do before, are actually coming naturally, like I have done them all my life. There are also things that I do today that maybe I really don't want to do. But I know that they are the right things to do and eventually they might come naturally also. I am not the same person that I was 5 and 1/2 years ago. I like the person I have become up to this point and time. Still a lot of room for improvements, but I'm a better person today. In time, things will get better. One of those things that will get better is you.

Hang in there and keep coming back.

Take it easy and keep it simple.

Harry

[MIKEYBEEF]

Good going.I wish you the best ;D I know its like a war of the worlds in my mind at times.Each day is like getting in the ring with the alcoholic part of you, and each day we knock him out! Im on 78days and that bastard almost got me on day 7.