not sure I can do this....

[AmberMAX]

I have just started to try to help myself after 5 years of a steep downwards spiral. I dont know if I have the strength or the energy to pull myself out of this. I've been reading alot - I cant seem to connect with the idea of a higher power or "God". I have never believed in anything like that so its hard to do it now when I feel so low.

I've gotten so used to lying to myself and others that I'm afraid I will keep doing it.

[WolfM]

You don't have to do this alone. Get to an AA meeting. There are many things with a power greater than you. Alcohol is one.
WolfM

[Harry01854]

For right now, all I ask is that you believe me when I say I believe. When you are ready, either I or others can give you good reasons why we believe.

For right now, just try getting it together and try to stay sober for today. Let your head clear up some and give your body a chance to feel better.

You don't have to grasp all of this at once. Staying sober just for today, one day at a time is going to give you enough to work on.

Keep coming and I'll be watching for future posts from you.

Harry

[Wayne]

Don't worry about that right now. Go to a meeting and get you a Big Book. Read the Doctors Opinion, and concentrate on what alcohol has and hasn't done for you. The steps are in order for a reason. Stay on Step 1. Look what the dis-ease has done to you. Look how unmanageable your life is. Look how it has lied to you and messed up your life. Alocohol has the power right now. We do the steps in order to find a power greater than ourselves and our addiction to alcohol.
You don't have to worry about finding your HP right now.
Go to a meeting, find someone to talk with, LISTEN! Look for the similiarities.

Keep coming back~
Wayne's wife ~ sober since 3/8/99

[AmberMAX]

thanks for your messages. I went to my first meeting today and it was suprisingly not as bad as I thought it would be. I go through the whole day ok, even had dinner with friends who all drank at the table but I stuck with lemonade! I was fine, until the drive home and I found myself looking for a bottle shop - Thankfully, it was late and the ones on the way to my house were all closed! I had to force myself out of the car and inside rather than to keep driving until I found an open one.

now I cant sleep again and all i keep thinking is I am not as strong as those people I met today in that meeting. I wish I had a stronger belief in myself. I hate myself for what I have become and I sometimes wish I could start my life all over again.

[Wayne]

Please remember that you are not alone. None of us planned on being here. Next time that you go toa meeting, stay late and talk with someone. Get phone numbers that you can call during those "tight" times. Many of us have gone through the feelings that you are having.

Keep going to the meetings. I would also suggest getting a sponsor to guide you through this process.

You are know being given a second chance at life.


W

[Harry01854]

Amber, just take a moment to think about the good you did for yourself yesterday. You went to a meeting, (and felt good about being there), you went to dinner with friends and stuck with the lemonade, I wouldn't suggest being around friends who drink this early in sobriety. You went home, and made it there, and didn't continue to search for a liquor store. A lot of good things you accomplished in one day. Be proud of that. Try not to hang onto thoughts of yesterday, rather just try to do your best, to do the right thing, for today. I agree with Wayne about looking to get a sponsor. Someone who will help you and give you some good directions. More than anything else, don't give up on yourself. Give it sometime and you will see that it does get better.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Harry

[jewels]

I find it very comforting to talk 1:1 with my councelor and Sister from my church. I love the idea of AA but can't get comfy there, so I apply all thier philosphies but meet with individuals.
I never I thought I could go the 52 days that I was sober, but it was the best 52 days of my adult life. Hubby happy, kids happy, heck, I got a job, lost weight, was pretty **** proud of myself...a little too proud....took a drink Friday night and blew it. Remeber 1 drink is too many and 1,000 isn't enough!
Chin up...get the support that fits you. The hardest thing to do is to learn to forgive yourself.:326:

[MajestyJo]

The AA/Al-Anon programs worked for me. I went back to church twice and left. It is still a one day at a time program. Life didn't change, I did by working the 12 Steps.

I just celebrated 19 years clean and sober and it is still one day at a time. The progam became a way of life. It gave me the tools to live by. With the God of my understanding and the tools of recovery, it works when I work it.

[Butterfly Woman]

Hi Amber
I thought the same thing when I began this journey and that was a lot of 24 hours agao and I'm still here..still trudging and still taking suggesting..still learning, still growing because I grasped ahold of the very simple yet profound soncept of the first word of step one "WE"..None of us could do this alone..
YANA

You
Are
Not
Alone

[WolfM]

now I cant sleep again and all i keep thinking is I am not as strong as those people I met today in that meeting. I wish I had a stronger belief in myself. I hate myself for what I have become and I sometimes wish I could start my life all over again.

Dear Amber,
None of us is strong alone. We rely on a power greater than ourselves. That power can be what we see helping other people or a belief based on pre-conceived religious or political ideas. But we can not do it alone. Keep going to meetings. Keep talking to people in recovery. Please get a sponsor and study the Big Book and work the steps.

Wolf M