Characteristics of ACOA

[bluidkiti]

Characteristics of ACOA

Janet Geringer Ph.D list several characteristics that are commonly shared by ACOA.

1. ACOA?s guess at what is normal
2. ACOA?s have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. ACOA?s lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. ACOA judge themselves without mercy
5. ACOA?s having difficulty having fun.
6. ACOA?s take themselves very seriously.
7. ACOA?s have difficulty with intimate relationships.
8. ACOA?s overreact to changes over which they have no control.
9. ACOA?s constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. ACOA?s feel that they are different from other people.
11. ACOA?s are either super-responsible or super-irresponsible
12. ACOA?s are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
13. ACOA?s are impulsive. (Lock self on course of action without give proper consideration.

[samf]

Yah, I identify with a lot of this...always liked having a list...LOL!! Helped me inventory....

I identify with number one and number twelve pretty consistently, especially...although all aplly, from time to time.

Thanks, Buidkiti, for sharing this with people...it wil probably really help people we don't even know are reading.

Samf

[Carol87]

Oh My!! I needed this reminder ... I got my start in 12 Step recovery in the ACOA program but I had forgotten these characteristics ... Except for number 3, all of them still haunt me from time to time.

[Carol87]

I was reminded again this morning of my ACOA issues ...

My first reaction is to run from these issues. I got my start in 12-step recovery in the ACOA program but I went in with so much baggage it was very difficult for me to hear the solutions; all I heard was negativity. And, I must admit, I didn't hear them until I recognized that I was also an alcoholic and started working the program of AA.

So many memories are surfacing of what it was like growing up in a home of constant fighting, yelling, fear. Remembering how I always managed to be in the middle ... wanting to control, etc. etc. Remembering dreading hearing my father come home because no matter the situation, the fight would start the instant he walked in the door. Remembering the fear that he would do something to physically hurt my mother. Remembering pretending that my home was "just like everyone elses" ... Remembering wishing my mother would leave, but at the same time, being afraid that she would. Remembering the spoiled holidays, especially Christmas. To this day, I don't like Christmas in spite of the true meaning of the holiday.? ?

These are things that I thought I had dealt with but perhaps I'm just stuffing them although I have made so much progress in life since getting into recovery. Is this God's way of suggesting that I uncover the past and deal with it again? At this stage of my life, do I want to do that? NO. But I'm very grateful to ACOA for helping me get to where I am today even though I still struggle with anger and resentments. Hiding in alcohol gave me a way to escape dealing with these issues; now that I no longer have that option ... it is time to face reality.

OK, I'm done for now ... maybe more later.

[Brevis]

I enjoyed the reminder of my character when I first got to a recovery program. I started in AA and was lovingly escorted by friends in Al-anon to ACOA. It is there that I learned about how my child hood experiences made it necessary to detach from what I was really thinkin,feeling or seeing. I still attend AA meetings but have discovered that to get really comfortable in my own skin i have to visit the past that has haunted me for so long. It says in the Big Book that we illuminate every dark cranny of the past. {step5}Until I can become at peace with what has been the source of guilt and shame for so many years I will find it very difficult to have a relationship with another person male or female. ACOA allows me the security to know that the attitudes and actions of others did affect the way I reacted to life. However it is up to me to face and get rid of the things that affect my ability to live peacefully and with the level of serenity that I have come to cherish.

The memories that I have today are not the one's I had whenI first sobered, if I would have had to deal with everything then I think I would jumped through a window. God only gives me what I can handle and apparently I can handle more today because I know that I have a loving God who is there to support me when I need it.

I don't have access to ACOA meetings where I live due to a lot of the 13 characteristics lol. I will enjoy chatting and getting to know you all more as we grow-up together.

[samf]

Welcome, Brevis!

Thank you for what you shared!

Rereading that list...sure resonates with me.

Sam

[jdraper61]

Sober date 3-21-95, have a sponsor in aa and al-anon, this year of my sobriety has been the hardest, I presently just trying to stay focus to ask god for help.get my strengh up to get to a meeting, I might call for ride or ride my motorbike, not sure if i will go. raised up in alka land with a shaming mother and angry father. I did his ulgee cause no-one else would or could he died 2yrs. ago. My mom is stuggling to put weight on she has IBD I have ulcertive colitis which Im fighting today it can make me very tire and depressed. I started my recovery in AA AND ACOA. i never had so much serenity in my life and freedom. I was quity of my 2nd DWI and sentence 10 days in Jail and 3 yrs. of probation. Before that i had stayed sober for 4 months with the knowledge of i shouldnt drink anymore. I kept going into the barber shop and i eventually got that hair cut. Then the awakining came I worked the steps to the best of what my sponsor said to do. I was expriencing the promises life was great. At 18months I slipped of a roof at work and bang my body pretty badly off of work for a yr. recovery from the injuries left me unable to get to meeting my sponsor wanted me to sue the **** out of my employer, but I fried him because I was afraid of getting a resentment. Workers Comp. gave me a choice of learning a new job, i turn it down so i could go back to working in the trades samejob. I recovered and my boss started a new position at work for me and him a supply guy and I drove a van for him soon afterwards. The company had changed though and I hardly knew anyone it seemed or maybe i had changed after 6yrs. I went into the field again it has been a rough ride since then. Today I actually entertained the thought of Starting it all over again and go get 24 pack but so weak couldnt get out of the rack.After a while I prayed to god and lots of positive thoughts came thru my mind. I got up and eat something listned to a god station on the radio. It helped and cried some. Got off the bed and made some oatmeal and tea. and started texing people in aa and some talking with a new guy that just got his yr. in he had 12yrs before, he went back out, He went out after his mother father and himself was deanosed with cancer I would have drank to. that sounded like a load life that would have put dought in anyones heart if there really was a god. He is an expample to me that life isnt fair and not right at all. But to turn to god is sometimes the only one ikea that makes the most of life livable today. When I look at the characteristics of ACoA, I feel Ive made little progess in my recovery time and many more mistakes that have been hard to live with. I know I tired of being me agan. And sometime I think it isnt worth it to trust people much. But then i think that if I can just tell my sponsors about what Im doing and can get hopeful.I can be a mess you know self pity and selfish the victim but I WANT TO LIVE **** IT. It seems as i have so many choices it is difficult to chose the right path, I will tried to KEEP COMING BACK TILL I GET IT RIGHT AGAIN . PEACE TO ALL OF YOU

[angussdundee]

jdraper61, If you continue to share at that deep level with us, with your sponsors, at meetings and with other AA's or maybe seek profesional help, then I feel sure you will eventualy pass through this dark stage of your journey.
Right now it may seem an impossible dream, but you will get better if you work at it. You sound like a winner to me.
Please accept my hand in friendship and in fellowship in the hope that I can help you back on to your feet again.

God, give us strength to do your will and God help us all,

Anguss.

[gwen]

Sat. i got so stinkin drunk cuz of my hurt & anger at husband. I had a horrible day. i was so drunk i accidently printed several pages from peoples replys on this site. So i keep them handy to read. Read all replys they help mee too. I drank less & less (not good) but better. Try to go without later give in I hope it becomes later & later so that it doesn't happen. So thanks to all on site-your replys and words of encouragement & to those seeking help i feel welocomed that i'm where i can get some help. At this point this is all i can do for now'THANKS !!
Gwen

[samf]

Gewn, am sending a big hug! How are you, today?

Love ya!!

Sam

[gwen]

SAM, thansk for concern, trouble with my computer as it's old. Today is Father's day June 17. got to spend time with dad & talk and gave a card from my heart. Oter wise it's crap when come home to alcoholic husband. argue fight etc. no good communication. so i drink more & more & more. want to drown the hurt , pain & pass out to disappeart to another day hoping it's better. just so mixed up fee lno hope at all. it's a game wit hhusband (i guess that's what he is , don'r act like it most time-feel used by him) so drink more to deal with him. i think it all hopeless s i live with alcoholic that doesn't really want to chage despite liver disease which is causing more serious problems. make for a difficult life. i want sex with him but he alwasy has excuse so i have excuse to drown in booze. it's too crazy don't know how to deal with it all. Thanks for concern.
Gwen

[samf]

Gwen, hi! Hoping maybe today will be a better day for you!

I wondered how you were doing.

I hope you can find the courage to do something different, when you are ready to.

I understand wanting to numb the pain and just pass out...I remember how miserable I was.

Sending a hug and a prayer.

Sam

[roxjazsol]

I am an ACoA, too.

[samf]

;D Hi, and welcome!!! How are you?

[Hopeful Mom]

10 of those 13 characteristics fit me to a tee. But, over the years, I have found ways to trick or tempt myself to finish tasks. I am learning to "give myself a break", to allow myself to be human since I am wanting my adult daughter to accept herself, forgive herself when she messes up, and start fresh without guilt.