Housecleaning (Steps 4 and 5)

[Carol87]

Housecleaning

"Somehow, being alone with God
doesn't seem as embarrassing
as facing up to another person.
Until we actually sit down and talk aloud
about what we have so long hidden,
our willingness to clean house
is still largely theoretical.
When we are honest with another person,
it confirms that we have been honest
with ourselves and with God."
Bill W., Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 60
(Step 5)

Part of a daily e-mail --- I smiled when I saw ?Housecleaning?, not because it is funny but because it fit exactly where I?m at in my life.? ?I have asthma and get sick on a regular basis.? The last time was just a few weeks ago and I got very angry that, one more time, I have to go through this battle.? All of a sudden a light bulb went on ? there MUST be something in this apartment that is an irritant? :P ? so just as soon as I could get by without coughing for at least thirty minutes, I went on a housecleaning marathon with the net reward of not only feeling better but also the good feeling that comes from having a clean apartment.? I'm determined to keep it that way.? :)

It reminded me of the difficulty I had with my life when I finally found recovery.? I just couldn?t see how anything about me could be less than perfect!? So I had no reason to do a fourth and fifth step.? ?(The truth being that in no way was I going to share with anyone anything about me!)? Well, after three years of that sick thinking, my then-sponsor (and currently my best friend) did not suggest, she demanded, that I do these steps.? ?After a good deal of resistance and struggling, I finally complied!? I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally clean out the wreckage of my past with the ultimate reward of not only feeling better about myself but also the good feeling of starting a new, clean life.? I'm determined to continue with a principled life.? ?8)

I?m not great at expressing these kinds of thoughts on paper so I hope this makes some kind of sense.? ?

[samf]

I personally find that I keep on learning and growing and that more is revealed...and that I am also good at slipping backwards as far as living like a grown up, for lack of a better expression.

I was afraid to do a fourth step because of step five. So I was told to just do four as if no five existed.

I also struggled with the idea of wanting to do it perfectly. I was so afraid of it, figured I MIGHT get through doing it once, at the time, but didn't think I'd ever be given the grace to do it again. And if I did it wrong, I thought, I might get drunk, and that was terrifying.

Samf

[Harry]

Goes to show you how often I come around. This post is nearly 2 months old. But better late than never. Thanks for sharing Sammie. Even after Step 2, where I acutally came to believe in a Higher Power. After Step 3, where I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to God. You people must have been real sick because I didn't need to do Step 4 thru 9. It was obvious to me that I wasn't as sick as that. After doing a very mini Step 4 ( I had a huge total of 7 people on my list), and doing a mini Step 5 with a priest, I got nipped in the bud. For that little bit of freedom that I got from my experience at Steps 4 and 5, just increased my need for some more freedom. And as I proceeded to make out a better inventory, and seeing the person that I had become and was, inspired me to continue, because I wanted to became a better person. I didn't want to be the person that I was anymore. After sitting through something like 8, 2 to 3 hour sessions with my sponsor, going through the process of my 5th Step, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I had begun to feel free from that person and my past. And I continue to get a little more freedom each time I make amends.

I like the person I am becoming today. And not only do I appreciate the life I have today by living it, I am grateful for it.

In Chapter 2 of the BB, "There Is A Solution," it tells me that this is a "NEW DESIGN FOR LIVING" that really works.

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, these are the suggested 12 Steps to recovery.

God bless,

Harry