Fear...

[samf]

Anyone got a story or esh about fear and getting over a fear, etc?

Samf

[Carol87]

Some fears can be major stumbling blocks ... some can be healthy and keep us out of trouble.? ?I usually get into the fears that are stumbling blocks that get in the way of changing my life.? If I identify what the fear is by doing a mini fourth step, somehow it helps put the situation in perspective.? In fact, mini-fourth? steps have saved me a lot of pain and stress since they heelp me identify what is REALLY happening.? Especially if I turn it over and then get out of the way so that I can hear God's answer.

My sponsor gave me a form on resentments, adapted from the BB,? to do a mini-fourth step on a specific resentment.? ?The columns on that form are Who? What happened?? What was triggered?? My part?? My actions?

If you are talking about a specific fear or a multitude of fears, that form can be revised:

What am I fearful of?
What causes/ed the fear?
What does that fear trigger?? e.g. financial security, physical security, personal relationship, pride, self-esteem, etc.
What is my part in the fear?
What I am doing to resolve the fear?

Good luck ... keep us updated ...

[Carol87]

Today's (March 8th) Daily Reprieve seems to fit here ..._______________________________________________ __
THE DAILY REPRIEVE? ?

RUINING FEAR

?For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. - Alcoholics Anonymous, page 68

?I will save you; you will not fall by the sword but will escape with your life, because you trust in me, declares the Lord." - Jeremiah 39:18

For what it?s worth:? ? ?Fear ruled me, especially the fear of being insane. I was anxious that even AA could not help. Church had not. Psychiatry had not. But, day by day, meeting by meeting, one at a time, AA members shared their success with me, and I came to believe that I, too, might be OK. That was the first step, and then it seemed that my trust progressed slowly, until a deeply spiritual AA member told me that what I needed was to ask God to teach me to trust His love. That took some work on my part and on God?s. He had the hardest part. And, experience by experience, He proved that I could trust His love. That ruined my fear. I learned that trusting His love, I have nothing to fear. So, now, when any anxiety tries to creep back in to my soul, I check my belief about my trust in my Heavenly Father?s love. The anxiety indicates that it has weakened, so, I go to Him and imaging climbing up in His lap and He whispers in my ear, gently reminding me about how much He loves me.? ?

[samf]

You know, my original reason for posting this (I thought) was that it would be a good topic and would help newcomers, other people, etc.
But reading what you guys share, something else popped into my awareness that I can sure share...duh!
( ;DNo laughing...I'm sensitive... ;D)
When my husband passed away I felt completely lost. My whole world had just changed completely, utterly, drastically...no preperation...it was just there.
Scared? You bet!
I'd lost the most important person in my life. I lost the love of my life. I lost someone who should still be alive....he was so young. I thought I should have been the one to die, as he was a way better person than I am.
I just couldn't believe God had allowed this. I was furious with God.
Also, I now was again responsible for everything...no more shared burdens, etc.
I had no one at home to talk to, to advise me, to bounce things off of.
My finances were gone.
I felt abandoned, alone, bereaved...you name it.
And scared and mad and so sad I thought my heart would just burst out of my chest, it hurt so bad.
There's just no way to say everything.
It's like someone wiped out the whole path in front of me and boom...new ground...nothing the same.
And to top that off, all this emotion.
So I was/am defintiely fearful.
And grief...I had NO idea how to go through this.
But little by little, I see my Higher Power is working through things. The longer I go along, the more I see that He (my Higher Power) is there, and I am amazed.
Every morning, I get up and ask for help.
Every night i say thank you.
All those instincts that got so rattled...He is taking care of things.
I do what seems to be the best thing, but am amazed at how things are working out and how He keeps giving me the answers to what is needed, a day at a time.
It's like that thing where the only step illuminated in a dark road is the step right in front of you.
So you take that step, and then the rest one shows up when it's time.
It is scary, but at the same time, I end up kind of awestruck.
Scared to death. Lost and hurting. Missing my husband like crazy...still think he should have never died so young...still just kills me all the things he won't get to do and have here...a million regrets, wishes on things I could change.
But my Higher Power is there, for this one step, today.
And that's enough for just today. That's all I need.
So, I'm grateful.
I always liked that, "Faith is fear that has said it's prayers." But I didn't have much faith. It was necessity that made me walk forward at all...I just wanted to ball up and die.
But there was the funeral, etc...it just goes on....my little dogs...
So it proves to me that my Higher power is faithful...even when I have ranted and raved at Him for taking my husband home and away from me.
I still can't see the road ahead of me, but, just for right now, am able to trust for this one moment/day only.
Hope that makes some sense.

Samf

[slade]

I have spent my whole life in fear.It was not till i got sober that i have realised that fear had run my life,fear of people,school and work. I still have a lot of fear in my life but i am learning to cope with it. But it is hard when you have spent you life hiding behind alcohol.Alcohol was my shield against life i never let anyone see the real me not even my wife or children.I spent 35 years out of 49 years drinking so I know it will a long time to learn to live without my shield? Thanks to everyone here it does help a lot to know people do care :)

[samf]

Me, too, Slade...loved to hide...even when the booze was gone, I had and have a hard time NOT hiding.

Hope your today is awesome...so glad I am not alone.

Samf

[david b]

hi samf
your share was an inspiration to me , i shows me that this program works , I have not suffered the loss of my wife but have lost people close to me, the pain is auful, at times unbearable, but its also a sign of the love that existed when you were together, aa cant sheild us from the hurts of this world, but as your example shows it can keep us sober through anything this world can throw at us, I wish you well a day at a time and will keep praying for you, thanks again for your share, god bless
david b

[samf]

:)Gosh, David...thank you.
I will you the best, a day at a time...said a prayer for you and your recovery and life...am real glad you are here.
I like what you said about pain being a sign of the love that existed when people are together...wholeheartedly agree!
Big old hug!

Samf

[Eddie]

I have reading a lot since my DOS a month ago. This topic caught my interest, Fear is all around us everyday, people are afraid for a lot of reasons to numerous to mention. The newspapers report fear very well, and I cannot help but believe that this causes a chain reaction in our thinking. As an alcoholic whenever I got scared of something I called it stress which was a result of thinking about something I was scared to deal with, I got drunk. A classic, I was asked to do a presentation in the morning, the night before I got drunk. The results the next day were inconsistent with my sober behavior, notice I didn't say normal ( another subject totally).

Now that I have been sober for awhile, I can't understand why I was so scared, afraid of the unknown, usually I had the skills to do the job but relied on alcohol to steady my fear. I still have fear in my life but now, when I start to get caught up in myself, I look and say, "GOD, please take this over so I can a little time to think about why I am scared right now". The result is that when I break the situation down into small steps, my fear usually subsides and I get excited about the pending end result.

When people came to me complaining, and giving off a negative vibe, I used to try to discuss and try to solve the problem with them, which usually meant that I ended up owning the problem. Not anymore, I still listen, but instead ask what they have done to solve their problem or issue and rather than make something up to soften the situation I leave them with some direction they can take to solve their own issue. Whether they take the suggestions to task isn't my issue. In the past the end result usually left me stressed out and looking for something to numb my own anxiety. My new approach helps said individual as they realize that they were scared too and were letting fear control their life.

I am not over all my fears and they are on my personal defect list for me to work on.


Eddie

;)

[colourbubbles]

Hi everyone!!!

I really enjoyed all the sharing on fear. I haven't been doing the suggested things and getting pain from it. Over the past 6 months Ive been letting self will run my life and feel as if i have lost my contact with my Higher Power (and not doing anything about it).

I really liked the idea (if that's the right word) of asking God to teach me to trust his love. I haven't been thinking of drink but alot of my old ideas have come back and deep within myself I don't feel as if I'm living the right path.

SAMF I so know were your coming from with your feelings when your husband died. When my Mum died i felt the sane way and as I'm an only child thought it very unfair that it was my Mum and not someone with lots of brothers or sisters, I never had a great belief in God but when Mum died that was it really over and couldn't understand why my Dad would prayer to a God who took Mum from us.

Today i know there is a God in my life and maybe I'm suffer from the F**K it feelings.

At 27 with 2 kids and no partner. i want to be like other single 27 year old and go out and enjoy myself. And i have been doing so but I'm torn between what i want and what i feel i should be doing.

I feel very lost and confused just now. And tired of the battle i have going on in my head. Hopefully this too shall pass!!

[Carol87]

Good Responses!? Interesting that this topic resurfaced now ... I'm in some fear and anxiety ... tomorrow (Tuesday) is my annual checkup with my oncologist.? ?No matter how long it has been, I still get stressed.? The good news is that no matter what the Doctor says, I have my God and my spiritual kit of tools to pick up to help me, should it not be a good report.?

[Harry]

I'm kind of glad that this topic "re-surfaced." To me though, it is new for I never even noticed it before. I liked what everyone had to share, though Sammie, yours really got my attention. And I can understand why anyone of us would immediately turn to God and ask why. But the process that you went through and how your faith resurfaced was just excellent. Not to long ago I read something in reference as to how we will come to a conclusion that God had something to do with what ever bad is going on in our life at the time. It was "God is testing me." I have sometimes heard people in the halls say that too. "My grandmother just died," it's God's way of testing me and my recovery. And other things that may happen in our life that we sort of don't like. What the article went on to say was that it isn't God testing us at all. It is just life happening, Death, losing jobs, financial difficulties and even going to doctors for check-ups. It is all part of life and goes on in everyone's life, God really doesn't have anything to do with it.

A fear that I had and got through, was the fear of going back out drinking and drugging. Had that fear for about 18 months in sobriety. Constantly worried if I was going back out tomorrow, next week, next month or next year. I just thought it was inevitable. But God, working in my life, had put someone in my life at the right time. I hadn't discussed this with anybody at the time because I didn't want anybody know how I was feeling. Keeping the walls up and the mask on. Then one day, out of the blue I mentioned it to a friend of mine in the program that has some long time sobriety. This is what he said to me. "Harry, you don't have to do this for the rest of your life. Just do it for today, one day at a time. Just hearing that lifted the two tons off of my shoulders that I had been carrying around with me. Also got me started living my life "One Day AT A Time."

Harry

[samf]

Aw, Harry! Who loves ya?? ;D
Know things are so much easier a day at a time. the problem was for me to stop projecting onward into the endless future...and if I look too far ahead I still get scared a lot. Always end up backing up.
I told my one program relative early on, too, about being afraid of drinking and usuing again. He also spoke of a day at a time.
Carol, hope everything goes well at your appointment...am hoping and praying for you!
Colorbubbles...first sedning a hug!! ;D was so glad to see your post!
I can relate the what you shred about being a responsble parent and also wanting to have some fun!
If you ever just want to talk or visit or blow off or whatever, please feel free to write, ok?
And I am keeping you in my prayers, too! You've been doing so well...am proud of you.
Thank goodness we DO only do life a day at a time...is a little more managable.
Who knows what tomorrow holds?
Eddie, huge hug! Got a lot from your posting! Could relate to everything!
Thank you guys for helping me today.
I don't feel so all alone, you know! Thank you for your esh and for being here.
Just HAD to tell you!!

Samf

[WolfM]

Fear. I have shared in meetings that fear and faith can not co-exist in me. Either I am fearful or I am faithful. Either I believe that God will take care of me or I don't.

I spent Saturday night in a hospital (after a particularly strenuous hike in the jungles of my home island) bed hooked up to a monitor and all day Sunday and Sunday night in ICU (for more detailed monitoring) for a bit of discomfort which may or may not be serious (I have to get an angiogram to tell). My point is that I was not afraid. I was bored, I was lonely (until my family and freinds came to visit me). I was irritated because I missed my flight to get back to work on Monday.
But as I was reading this topic, I realized I was not afraid. Because, as difficult as it may be, I turned it over. God's will, not mine.
When I got back to Guam, I saw my cardiologist, and now I am working on getting the additional testing. That is all I can do. I continue to stay in touch with the program, I continue to work, I continue to visit with friends. I continue to live.
Death is not the worse thing that can happen. Let's face it, none of us gets out of life alive. But starting to feel sorry for myself for having ailments which come with age and drinking over it would be a lot worse to me than death. So, I think I will stay here and listen to the E,S&H and not pick up the first drink. Thank you all for being here.
Wolf M

[samf]

Wolf, hi.
Really appreciate your esh!
Hoping all goes well with the doc, too.
No, we don't all get off the planet without dying, but by golly, I am selfish and do like having you around. :)
Samf, who is still sick....but sober....

[Eddie]

As I am new at this, I thought I would share another fear, the fear of food and drink association. When I stopped drinking I decided that my association with every food I liked was over. I really enjoyed a glass or half litre of Red Wine with pasta, the same with Sake and Sushi etc. Water and Green Tea seemed to me a weak substitute, so I was resolved not to go to the restaurants I enjoyed as I was hung up with with this drink and food association.

Last night I made my favorite spaghetti and meat sauce, garlic bread the whole works. I was afraid I would suffer from my drink and food fear. I didn't, I asked GOD to help me enjoy the food without alcohol when I said grace before I ate and it worked. The food tasted great better than I can ever remember, the pressure was off and my higher power had taken yet another fear away.

Now I feel confident that I go back to enjoying all those foods I associated with alcohol. As I reread this note it became painfully clear that this truly must be an alcoholics perspective, instead of saying food and alcohol I associated alcohol to food.

Which brings back some memories of going out for supper as I would plan my trip through the liquor menu before I decided what i was going to eat, so in fact I ate according to what I was going to drink.

Now I can look forward to reading the menu first and only.


;D? Eddie? ?

[MIKEYBEEF]

Samf. You sound like a wonderful person. I thought your story was inspirational. ;)

[samf]

Hi, Eddie...that was wonderful!! Thank you so much for sharing it, too!!!
For sure a miracle to hold on to!
I ask my HP to remove my fears a lot...sometimes kick myself into doing things....feel like HP is right there with me.
Last one I can think of right now was for an hour and a half interview...prayed and turned it over...and (I almost want to say, "of course") things went way better than my head was projecting!
But the deal is I went in there with my HP "with" me...didin't feel as alone and scared.
Mickeybeef....glad you are sharing and are here! Like the Bruce Willis pic!
Garfield is a lot like my personality...LOL. can be Oscar the grouch a lot and want my way, still....
Big hugs!!
Wolf...reread your share this morning...really appreciated it.

Samf

[oberon]

The last couple of years have been possibly the most fear filled of my existence. Fear is a great lad for (in my case at last) the necessary process of ego deflation. I have'nt had a drink now for over twenty six years and i came right off skid row to start the process, most of the worst things that can happen to a human happened to bring me into the fellowship.... But I forgot... I spoke the alcospeak with the best, could probably have outquoted Bill W, but in truth never I think really accepted my own illness at depth, nineteen or twenty or so years down the line, I became physically very ill,I won't go into detail, but the medicane chest was opened wide to me, led to the slow pulling away from the fellowship, still never drunk but my head went into psychosis that was a nightmare of the damned, ended up in the cuckoos nest eventually. As they were strapping me down I was saying the serenity prayer, I lost my whole damned "physical"life at that point family kids business. Its been a long haul back and for a long time left any confidence I had built up in the toilet. It occured to me long after the release from hospital that I was indeed saying the serenity prayer on he way to the cracker barrel,the philosphies that held me even through all that nightmare had continued to work,if not the way I wanted them too.THEY WORKED.
Now I take the physical as it comes no pain relief is worth what happened to my head (For me I only ever speak for me and NEVER give advice.) What I do know has come out of all this is when I hit my knees in the morning, I mean business, it really is thy will done not mine for me, and again for me THE GREATEST fear of all running ethyl alcohol through this stone crazy nut was not realised.I can pretty much guarantee that I would'nt be here to tell the tale. With booze prayer would'nt even come into the equasion I lost he ability to do much more than whimper like an animal at the smell of a drink.
Andthe fear, ..it means I'm alive to feel it, it will pass or it won't thats up to headquarters...it sure knocks out any illusions that I am in charge of the show though...........I'll take any prayer I can get, so that "still suffering alcoholic" I steal from every meeting, my family have wanted me home for a good while now, when I feel I might not make it or my amends I concentrate on some of the amazing stories I have heard over those years good and bad
I wish anyone in fear "courage" and think I have said enough. May God grant you EXACTLY all it says in our prayer......... ;D