Day 1

[ludmilla]

New to this. Yesterday I stopped drinking. I have never, never spoken about this to anyone. I am deeply ashamed, so have hidden it. 'Love wine, maybe drink too much but who doesn't' are the kind of thing I would say, and here in UK I am not alone.. Drank every day. Always made sure I had an extra bottle. Never went to bed sober. Woke up every day vowing to stop and once I swilled down my high blood pressure tablets - which calmed the heart down, I would feel better and good intentions would vanish. (Though I never stopped thinking about how I should stop). Never really drank during the day. Never had the shakes. Didn't drink spirits. Just drank rather good red wine. I have stopped in the past. Didn't drink much during pregnancy - a glass or two. Gave up for a year 3 years ago. That is when I read that there are two types of alcoholic, physiological and psychological. Mine I realised was more psychological. I am very fat, due to drink. Eat well and too much but 1 1/2 to 2 bottles of red wine a night is what has really done it.

I am 50 so it is only time before I either die of a heart attack or cirrhosis. Yesterday morning I googled itchy palm and someone posted that it was a sign of cirrhosis. Couldn't read anymore, stopped that day. Don't even know what the other symptoms are don't want to know just now. But I stopped. I am aware that the fear that made me stopped is also the fear that fuels all my problems, no self esteem, no confidence and FEAR.

Just writing this is cathartic.

Ludmilla

[samf]

Ludmilla, welcome!!

Am glad that you posted/wrote!

Hoping the day goes ok, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there.

Samf

[angussdundee]

Hello and welcome to AA sober living. You can learn a great deal from logging in here regularly and reading the posts present and past, but you'll learn a whole lot more about your drinking problem and eventualy yourself by attending a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, preferably on a regular basis. There you will hear first hand from people just like you who have admitted to their drinking problem and how they are dealing with it one day at a time. You may or may not be able to stop under certain circumstances for periods of time but the trick is how to stay stopped, and that is what we must all do if we admit that alcohol is costing us more than money.
There are no easy options to be found on google or anywhere else in my opinion, but there are answeres to all our questions within the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It can be purchased on line, or it can be obtained from your local library but better still, why not go along to an AA meeting and pick one up from there. Its the best money I ever spent.

Anguss.