... liquor was but a symptom ...

[Carol87]

... decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a... Excerpt Page 64, Alcoholics Anonymous

[color=maroon][b]For many, well OK, most, of my 22 years in AA, in spite of what I 'preach', I was continuing to look at the differences rather than the similarities. My story is not the same as yours but I do realize that the feelings/frustration/hope is the same. However, through what I believe to be a true gift from the God of my understanding, I have been reflecting on what got me to recovery in the first place. And realized that my drinking actually played a very small part, even though it was most definitely out of control and needed to be dealt with.

Our liquor was but a symptom, [b]has been circling my brain for a few days as I remember my dysfunctional thinking and even more so, actions as I struggled to find my niche in the recovery world. I won't go into details, suffice it to say that events in my childhood made what is proving to be a permanent impact on my life. The classic story -- I was full of anger, resentments, fear, lack of self-esteem, feeling different -- I now realize they compose at least some of the symptoms for turning to alcohol to medicate those feelings -- the end result being that it was my only source of relief (or so I thought) to deal with my life. Yes, I eventually did a fourth step; however, it wasn't nearly as thorough as it could have been, nor did I get guidance -- well, OK, I did but resisted it 100%, to work my way through to peace and serenity.

My point? Just to say that God continues to work in my life. I had to go through everything I went through to finally have a true spiritual awakening that has resulted in more peace than I can describe.

Are you new? Are you an old timer in recovery? It makes no difference -- if you keep trudgin', practice all of the steps, particularly in this case, steps 3 and 11 and become willing to wait/hear God?s response, your life will be transformed.

I would like to hear your reactions/responses -- hopefully we can help the still suffering find solutions .

[samf]

Carol, hi!

I was reminded, this morning, about this, too...wanted to share it:

"The Following is a holiday message from our co-founder Bill W, December 1957.

"Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning; it is only the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. We find that bit by bit we discard the old life for a new one that can and does work under any conditions whatever.

Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of AAs Twelve Steps." "

I love this.

Love,

Sam

[philankh]

Dear Sam,

Please post where you got the 1957 quote. I like it very much
Ken (philankh)

[samf]

Hey Phil, had to look, but I found it! :)

http://www.fairbanksaa.org/archives/12.02archivistrpt.html

Sam

[jdraper61]

Ive been sober 15yrs. now. some of the things ive learn keeping coming back in times of pain, Isolation comes natually to me. Isolation also means it time to circle the wagons and let no one in. I dont like it and know the ansewer is to call my sponsor and set up some time to talk. but this time I'm not sure where to start. I fear I will hear it again, that is what I say to my sponsor-trust in very important to me. which usually stops in my attempts to reason things out, if you will. I'm hoping tues. things will change, but I might just not all over again. Could you guys give me some feed back. Thanks

[fishdocdon]

Isolation KILLS the alkie. the old saw "I'm only as sick as my secrets" I find to be true. If I realize I'm isolating, I run to my friends (sponsors, many now). I have circled my wagons by having a group of trusted fiends in each town I live or have lived in. I am involved in their lives and they are welcome in mine. Together we do well. With God and my friends AA has given me a life free of most complications, and esp. free of demon rum. Just thoughts GBWU Good Luck Don

[samf]

Isolating kills me. I still find that I may have the urges to hide, but those are the very times I reach out and talk to someone...even if it doesn't make sense...even if I don't know where to start.

You know, every time I have done that, and I am usually pretty scared to start, for me, when I am done, when we have finished talking...I feel better and have a direction to go in, and more hope for sure than when I started.

For me, I usually find out I am not as bad as my mind likes to tell me...just human...and I still don't have all the answers.

Sam

[janbear]

Been clean and sober for a few years and still find myself at times isolating. Thats when i have to reach deep down and pick up that 10,000 lb. phone and call my sponsor or close friend. My sponsor would tell me to get to a meeting quickly and go regularly.
I was isolating last summer, pretty much cut myself off from the world and blamed the world for it. I listened to my sponsor and gradually got back to meetings. I realize i have to stay connected with others in the program. I cant afford to be alone in my own head at home. That is so dangerous for me.

I am grateful i didnt go back out last year. I give credit to my Higher Power who i choose to call God.

[mike5335]

I have never gotten away from meetings or being in service. However, I can and do isolate in a room full of people.

Sometimes it is protection--I'm doing my best to practice restraint of pen and tongue. :-X But other times it is self-pity. :'( It is, for me, being unwilling to look for a solution at that moment and, rather, listening to my head telling me how I've been wronged. Grandiosity? Absolutely. "If I didn't do all this work, the whole world would fall apart" is a lie that my head foists off on me. One of my sponsees asks if I'd like cheese with my whine. Sigh. "After all I've done for you how can you treat me like this?" All pretty twisted thinking on my part.

Eventually, I come out the other side. I tell someone what is really going on with me. I change the things I can (me). I do have choices about where I go today. I do have choices about my friends. And, to a more limited degree, I do have choices about my attitude. I can pray to that Higher Power of my little understanding. My experience has been that I always have a part in my trials--I've never been a "pure" victim. So Steps 10 and 11 will work...if I'll take some action.

While it is clear that life isn't always "fun", I can be happy and sober on the same day if I will allow that to happen. Figuring it out life while isolated in my house certainly isn't going to work but I have to do more than just be with others. I have to let my guard down with people that I trust and, also ask for help from that Higher Power. Sometimes that doesn't happen as fast as I'd like.

[jdraper61]

thanks everyone for sharing!