One-year anniversary blues

[metzmail]

I just passed the one-year milestone for sobriety. I have been attending AA meetings for most of the year, and have just completed the 12 Steps. Generally, throughout the year, I have had a sense of peace that I have not experienced since I can remember. Lately, however, I've been wrestling with a lot of feelings of irritability and questioning whether or not continuing with AA is necessary. I know, intellectually, that I should continue going to meetings, but I just have this unrelenting sense of dissatisfaction. I have been told that this is very normal as people approach the one-year mark. Has anyone else had this experience and, if so, what did you do? What happened? What is it like now?
Dave

[angussdundee]

Hello Dave,
Congratulations on staying sober for over a year - you see, everything isn't bad now, is it... ;)
I can identify with your feelings alright, and I'm sure that everyone who reads your post will too. You'll probably notice lots of physical and mental symptoms and ailments during early recovery, some people take longer than others to straighten out, some take months and some take much longer, but straighten out we do 'one day at a time' if we continue to do what has been suggested to us by our network of recovery contacts like our sponsor, AA friends and our doctors and spiritual advisors.
What's happening is simple; your just much more aware of what your body and mind is saying to you now that your sober. We didn't feel very much when we were under anaesthetic from alcohol, or we just ignored it through our own denial.
Gradually, if you continue to take good care of yourself, work your programme and continue to go to regular AA meetings (whether you want to or not) things will change and the message your 'new' brain will give out is "I feel fine".

Keep coming back, it works if you work at it.

All the very best,

Anguss.

[samf]

Hey, Dave!

Wow...the way Anguss explained it makes perfect sense!

I felt those same kinds of things. I kept working my program...and sometimes talking over how I felt or inventorying something really helped me.

Little by little, the feelings got better, too.

Sometimes it helped me just to go and focus on someone else for a while...try to be of service.

I still talk things over with people...found an inventory that helps me, sometimes...still try to get out of self sometimes.

I found, too, that if I kept talking to enough people, somehow the answers always came...just like the thing I needed to do would show up.

Sometimes, I have tried things and they helped or did not...but always, with my sobriety and serenity and sanity the primary thing in my focus, HP has somehow always provided the answers I needed.

Sending a hug and wishing you a very good day!!

Sam

[fishdocdon]

as the book say nothing will get rid of that type thinking faster than working with another alcoholic.......try service and hope u didn't pass over it but the program is about what we can give------not what we can get......for me NOTHING was like the beginning - I count my bleswsings and every year gets easier. GBWU Don

[joniw]

I have 10 months today and am hoping to make it a year. I have recently been wandering about not attending meetings also, but the thought of what happens if I don't. Congrads! I know how hard it has been for me.

[samf]

Joni, sending a hug! Hope you will continue with meetings, too.

It, for me, is kind of the first step in my going backwards. I really need meetings...they keep my thinking in a better place.

Sam

[metzmail]

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, prayers and hugs. Sometimes I feel like my emotions go up and down like a toilet seat at a mixed-couple's iced tea party! I've been continuing to go to meetings and am beginning to be of service. Thanks again for all of the support!
Dave

[samf]

Dave, sending a hug and glad to hear that all is going well!!

Those times got less and less...have heard that from others, too!

Love ya!

Sam

[WolfM]

Dear Metzmail,
I have been sober more than 21 years and I still have moments when I have thoughts such as you describe. My sobriety is contingent on my relationship with my higher power and that relationship is contingent on how well I am working the steps of this program, how many meetings I am attending, how much I am talking to my sponsor (and other alcoholics) and how much I am studying the Big Book. A freind in the fellowship once told me, that when I start to have difficulties in my life, LEAN INTO THE PROGRAM. I have found this to be true through physical, emotional, and mental distress in the past 5 years and have remained sober and intact. AA is not a cure for anything (not even alcoholism), but it has given me the tools I need to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thanks for letting me share.
Wolf M

[Friend_of_Bill_W]

My name is Mark . . . and I'm a Recovered Alcoholic,

Hi DAAve!

You hAAve received some greAAt input here . . .

Some things just do not change completely - and certAAinly not that quickly (one year?)

How long did it take you to screw up your life??

AA is not meetings. I believe that is a fAAr too common misconception. AA is, like the Title sAAys:
"The story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism"!

As smart as I am, was, or thought I was . . . you might think I would have known that after at least 15 years of "AA" meetings, recovery centers etc., and even memorizing Our Text!!

I am either doing precisely what 164 pAAges sAAy we do . . . or I am headed for worser than the slow miserable death I was experiencing before I began actuAAlly doing what WE do.

Many times I hear it said that "you can't keep it if you don't give it away" - I discovered I couldn't even get IT until I was giving it awAAy. I "suggest" that you get out of your problem (your head) and try to help someone.