Introducing Myself

[risbridger]

Yesterday, I logged onto aasoberliving.com for the first time.

Anguss has suggested I might wish to relate a little of my story.

I have been going to AA meetings for 25 years, but I have never remained sober, I admit entirely that this has been foolish, but there it is.
I have also been a "guest" in a number of treatment centres or as I prefer to remember them "nut-houses".
I am 52 now, originally from London, now residing in Bristol, UK a thriving, vibrant city.
I arrived here some 9 years ago to begin secondary treatment at Chandos House, an excellent programme, in which they endured my struggles for 9 months.
Until April 2007 I then lived in a series of dry-houses one of which "kept relapsing" if you catch my drift!

I attended my first AA meeting in London in October 1984, I was 28., living in my mum's house, because I had no idea how to embrace reality and sought to escape it's ghastly jaws, by any means possible.
This included drinking to oblivion and getting so stoned that I used to play a little game called:
What the F***S happening to me, on a frequent basis.

Having spent some years selling advertising space, by this time I was reduced to shrink-wrapping audio cassettes in Harrods warehouse..I was quite resentful that Personnel had not acceded to my wishes and put me on the Shop Floor. Perhaps the fact that I looked like death warmed up may have influenced the blighters.

My drinking was suicidal, so my long suffering mum, gave me an ultimatum: "Either go to AA, or you will be forcibly evicted" I have a history of being asked to leave!!

I went to AA got a sponsor, got a brilliant job near New Bond street working amongst ex public school boys (unlike myself) the job involved ripping off companies world-wide, by assuring them that if they advertised with us they would receive sales enquiries from the trade delegations in China.
I moved out of mum's but alas into my aunt's in posh Chelsea.
I assured myself it would only be a temporary measure, oh yes I remember my little chat with aunt Joan:
"So you'll be staying a max 3 months here?" 'Yes auntie. I stayed 8 years!!

I drank and drank and used and used.

I will write more another time.

Mike

[samf]

Mike, thank you! And thank you for being so honest!
I had a history of being thrown out of places.
Sure was painful!
Could say more, but just wanted to say thanks!

Sam

[risbridger]

So to continue....in a 1992 my aunt sold her house, I moved into a shared house in Clapham Junction.
Periodically I went to AA and attended occasional group therapy sessions. But the reality was that by the time I moved into this shared house, I felt like the pin in the grenade in my head had been pulled.
All these years of "Swimming in a river of denial" now really hit home. No longer closeted in my aunt's house, I was barely coping. At this time I was the Marketing Manager of a magazine called Business Age. Being on quite a good salary, I took time off to drink, the boss understandably saw what was happening and, **** him reduced my salary substantially.

It became clear to me that my days in the job were numbered. I spoke with my landlady, explaining I would need to go "on the sick" she explained to me that I would have to move out as she was in fact breaking the law, by having tenants! I went in tears, riddled with fear to my poor old mum, telling her a pack of lies, the magazine was about to fold, I said, despite my heroic efforts!

Mum agreed to let me back, for a strictly limited period, on the condition I sought help.
Well I was back in that box room. And of course now I really began drinking, for mum who was now in her late 70's it was pure hell. My behaviour was utterly out-of-control.
In 1994 I was admitted to the Mount Carmel Hostel for Recovering Alcoholics in Streatham.
Mum suggested I kiss the carpet in gratitude as soon as I arrived. I didn't instead I sent everyone up the wall with my self-pity and denial. In group my daily rant was: "I want to die"
After 9 months they finally asked me to move out, sensibly suggesting I move into a dry house and go back to AA with a vengeance.

Doh..instead I opted to move into The Croydon YMCA at the time effectively suffused with drugs and drink and largely disaffected youth.
I got a job earning a huge commission based salary in Camden. I could of rented a flat there, started a clean slate, my new bosses liked me (unsurprisingly, I was earning them huge sums).
However having spent 9 months in a nuthouse, I was far from ready to let go absolutely my past, and besides I was drinking again. Eventually my bosses told me they were letting me go, until I sorted out my priorities, in short, could prove to them that I was back in AA. "We don't want to be paymasters to your death!", they sagely and unselfishly told me.

Moving on when mum died in 1997, I inherited about ?100,000. With the help of alcoholic fairweather friends and my spectacular Walter Mitty lifestyle, always at the forefront was my all consuming consumption of booze and a murderous pot habit. In less than 2 years I spent the lot.
Now I really thought that's it, i'm finished. I was admitted to the Florence Nightingale Hospital for a detox.
Now any funding to go into further treatment was in the hands of my Stewert, my social worker.
After this I was admitted to St Luke's in Kennington a primary treatment Centre.
I remained their for about 12 weeks.
Then I came here to Bristol, about 2000, to commence 9 months of treatment at Chandos House, run by the rather brilliant James Dickenson and his team.
I remained sober for 3 years and 8 months, the longest period I ever been sober since I was first paralytic on my 15th birthday in 1972. After everything, I still struggle to fully accept that Alcoholism is a killer disease, my life has been a nightmare, of course it didn't need to be this way. I first went to an AA meeting when I was 28 in 1984. So I have to smash my self-pity.

I've been relapsing now for 25 years, it's amazing i'm still alive. I know a graet deal about alcoholism.
But I will have to be part of AA in order to get and stay honest, in order to live sober.
Godbless to all of you,

Mike Risbridger

[samf]

Mike, thank you!

Man, it amazes me, too, how alcoholism can convince us we don't have it! That has always blown me away, in myself, and in others.

I wonder how many normal drinkers ever need to attend an AA meeting or go into treatment or have scrapes with the law, for example.

Still, we try so hard to control and enjoy our drinking.

Thank you for sharing all this with us!

Hope your day is a good one, where you are.

Sam