Carol87
06-22-2009, 04:54 PM
I read about validation of feelings earlier today and just went YES!! Not validating feelings is a big big deal for this alcoholic. One thing that will instantly turn me ballistic is for someone to indicate that what I?m feeling is wrong or something that I should not be feeling.
To me feelings are just that ~~ feelings ? not right, not wrong, but what you are experiencing at the moment. When I first arrived in the rooms of recovery, the only feeling I could IDENTIFY was anger and lots of it!! You may not agree with what I?m feeling, but it is such a gift to be able to put a label on it ? whether it is still anger -- OR love, compassion, empathy, frustration ? words that were foreign to me for such a long time.
Today what I try to give others is what I want given to me ? validation ? it makes such a difference in my attitude in how I relate to people. Many times, well, OK, most, times I?m lost in left field but once I have a chance to verbalize it is amazing how much clearer I think.
If you are new to recovery, you will most likely go through a gamut of feelings that are strange ? don?t worry ? that is normal. Please let us know here or in any of the other forums any confusion you are experiencing so that we can help you.
Validation is explained in the following article I found sometime ago when I was struggling with my own feelings as well as trying to help another recovery friend with her feelings as well as those very close to her.
Your views/comments?_________________________________________ ________
[b]What Validation Is
To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.
To validate is to acknowledge and accept one's unique identity and individuality. Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge their feelings, and hence, their individual identity.
When we validate someone, we allow them to safely share their feelings and thoughts. We are reassuring them that it is okay to have the feelings they have. We are demonstrating that we will still accept them after they have shared their feelings. We let them know that we respect their perception of things at that moment. We help them feel heard, acknowledged, understood and accepted.
Sometimes validation entails listening, sometimes it is a nod or a sign of agreement or understanding, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk.
Source: http://eqi.org/valid.htm
To me feelings are just that ~~ feelings ? not right, not wrong, but what you are experiencing at the moment. When I first arrived in the rooms of recovery, the only feeling I could IDENTIFY was anger and lots of it!! You may not agree with what I?m feeling, but it is such a gift to be able to put a label on it ? whether it is still anger -- OR love, compassion, empathy, frustration ? words that were foreign to me for such a long time.
Today what I try to give others is what I want given to me ? validation ? it makes such a difference in my attitude in how I relate to people. Many times, well, OK, most, times I?m lost in left field but once I have a chance to verbalize it is amazing how much clearer I think.
If you are new to recovery, you will most likely go through a gamut of feelings that are strange ? don?t worry ? that is normal. Please let us know here or in any of the other forums any confusion you are experiencing so that we can help you.
Validation is explained in the following article I found sometime ago when I was struggling with my own feelings as well as trying to help another recovery friend with her feelings as well as those very close to her.
Your views/comments?_________________________________________ ________
[b]What Validation Is
To validate someone's feelings is first to accept someone's feelings. Next, it is to understand them, and finally it is to nurture them.
To validate is to acknowledge and accept one's unique identity and individuality. Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, ignore, or judge their feelings, and hence, their individual identity.
When we validate someone, we allow them to safely share their feelings and thoughts. We are reassuring them that it is okay to have the feelings they have. We are demonstrating that we will still accept them after they have shared their feelings. We let them know that we respect their perception of things at that moment. We help them feel heard, acknowledged, understood and accepted.
Sometimes validation entails listening, sometimes it is a nod or a sign of agreement or understanding, sometimes it can be a hug or a gentle touch. Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk.
Source: http://eqi.org/valid.htm